What should I do? I'm starting to think that I should ditch my friends and become friends with the ones that they make fun of.. I can't stand seeing an innocent teenager being treated like crap by another teenager... it drives me insane. I realize now that my friends are not true friends. But how do I leave them? I've been friends with them since 2nd grade and now I'm in 9th grade.. and all the other students think I'm one of "them".. meaning a b*tchy prep. But really I've NEVER said anything mean to anybody but my "friends"... please help!
2006-07-13 05:48:47 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
if they were to be mean to me once I left them.. I'd ignore their bullshit
2006-07-13 05:51:27 · update #1
Start by setting a good example. When your friends pick on these people, stand up for the people they're picking on. When I was in high school, I was very much a social butterfly. I took all honors classes and was friends with all those people, but I also had a variety of friends from all the different groups. Why? Because I liked them as people. You gain nothing at all in life by being cruel to these people. When you have your reunion, I bet these snotty girls you hang with will have been married and divorced several times and had a whole mess of problems, and I'm sure they wouldn't want to be teased about it. Conversely, the underdogs in high school turn around to be something great. There was a guy in high school that everyone picked on. He was really creepy...I'd tried to be nice to him but he was just a very messed up person. 10 years later, I ran into him and he's turned his entire life around...he works on Wallstreet for crying out loud! You just never know what people are capable of doing to better themselves. Use your popularity for a good cause, like Winona Ryder does in the cult classic movie Heathers. If you have not seen that movie, rent it tonight and you will see what I am talking about. Don't worry about your so-called friends turning on you. From what you describe, they sound like the sort that talk about you behind your back anyway. Good luck, and remember, you don't need to be mean and push people down to get ahead in life.
2006-07-13 05:55:28 · answer #1 · answered by SuperJenn 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This is tricky. But good on you for having principles.
If you are in the "popular" group, then that (while it lasts) gives you some power. You could lead by example. So for instance, when your friends are picking on someone, if you stand by and let them do it (even without joining in), then you're not challenging their attitudes, and you are *allowing* another person to get treated like crap. So you *could* speak up in defence of whoever is being victimised. I once did this (I was nine) when a friend of mine was being really mean to this fat girl. I just said "for f**k's sake, leave her alone. Grow up and stop being such a b*tch". Which was kind of hard for her to argue against. It felt very good, because I had spoken up against something I felt was wrong. It was a very powerful experience. If you're "popular" then your voice should count for something with your "friends", and even if it doesn't, they can't really argue with the moral imperative.
On the other hand, you could try talking to your "friends" about their behaviour, and tell them that you think they're being really nasty. I wonder what they would say.
I don't think you necessarily need to formally "leave" them, but just be true to your principles and speak your mind. Things will evolve naturally anyway if you do that. My approach was to reject the popular group *and* the geeks. By being too cool for the cool girls, it meant I could be friends with everyone and no-one gave me any trouble, because they knew I didn't give a hoot what they thought, and I wasn't impressed by their bullying b*tchy behaviour.
I also think it's interesting to consider what makes some people "popular" and others not. Part of it is about appearing attractive and confident and part of it is about dignity, self-respect and integrity. You *can* combine the two, and in any case, the latter three are *far* more important than the former. If the bullies know they can't hurt you, they'll stop trying anyway.
2006-07-13 06:14:52 · answer #2 · answered by Claire S 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The next time they say something mean to someone else, stand up for the person being made fun of. If they knock it off, you've helped your relationship with your current friends, plus made another friend in the process. If they don't quit it, then just walk away from them. Maybe they don't realize how much their comments hurt you. If you don't do something now, you will regret it later in life. There are always nice people at school that you can be friends with, even though they are not the popular ones.
2006-07-13 05:55:52 · answer #3 · answered by Dave S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might actually use some slick words in these cases. Making friends with some of the people they pick on is fine as long as its not out of pity. You don't have to ditch your friends, but I would make mention that you don't care for their judgments and cruelty, however you might start subtly. Say something in a slick way, like: "I could never be cruel like that... I have too soft a heart," or something that doesn't put them down, but actually puts you up. Kind of pointing out how your way is better, but so slick that they actually end up thinking it without speaking much about it. These people that get made fun of... you could actually say to them that you don't care for how your friends treat them or maybe even say something when your friends dis them. Again, think subtle, but HERE, get your point across. Suggesting the way the situation SHOULD be handled and not necessarily what they're doing wrong. It will actually make you more popular unless you go to school with absolute idiots.
2006-07-13 05:56:38 · answer #4 · answered by dark_storm73 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thesee girls are insecure about themselves. In that, they're also insecure about their relationship with you, and it is hanging on a thread. This means that it is not a real friendship, but more put on for show. If you want a deep relationship with someone else, someone that you could actually talk to and depend on, then drop the b*tches. You're obviously better then them, and don't need their supposed "friendship". There are lots of girls, I'm sure, who would LOVE to be your friend. Seek out someone with similar interests, and more than likely it will not be someone who spends all their time putting down other people.
2006-07-13 05:53:21 · answer #5 · answered by mtjbrady 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should ditch your friends or stand up to them. High school can be a cruel place for kids that aren't 'popular' and it shouldn't be. Your friends probably make fun of those kids to make up for their own insecurities. When you are out of high school and are an adult all of this will seem so trivial. But to the kids who get picked on it can have lasting consequences.
2006-07-13 05:53:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yopu are only now starting hihg school dont fret with the drama,believe me I just graduated,and I stayed away from the drama and I had a blast.Be nice and if your "mean" friends cant understand that then just dump them.In the end its your life that you have to deal with ,you are left with your own and nobody elses so if you are unhappy wiht your life you are going to forever live an unhappy life.
2006-07-13 05:56:30 · answer #7 · answered by rebelxt 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, kudos to you for realizing you don't have to treat people like crap to be cool. I would say, be a leader and stand up for what's right. Tell your friends that they are being ignorant, and that they should let people be as they are. If they still don't get it, find new friends like you said. No sense in being unhappy. Good luck to you, and stay safe. Hopefully my two boys will date someone nice like you when they're in high school. :)
2006-07-13 05:54:16 · answer #8 · answered by Neuroscientist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm impressed and proud that you want out.
It may be hard, but it's worth it in the long run. I bet you that you have a lot in common with those that aren't 'cool'. Give them a try. Make friends with them. You dont have to completely leave your friends, but just spend much less time with them..
2006-07-13 05:51:22 · answer #9 · answered by Chrissie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the populuar girls in mi class always ditch me. So why dont u just ditch them because 1 day u need a friend and the popular
girls will start ditching u because of dat.If u need help my email
is,fashiongirlcute@yahoo.com
2006-07-13 07:22:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋