Would you hire me?

Question

George W. Bush
The White House, USA

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

LAW ENFORCEMENT:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.

MILITARY:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.
With the help of my father and our right-wing friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America. I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money. I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history. With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record. I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week. I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury. I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history. I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any
12-month period. I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period. I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her. I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.
I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations. My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends,
Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.
My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair
than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history. I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts. I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history. I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government. I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission. I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention. I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election
inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
I set the record for fewest number of press conferences of any President since the advent of television. I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history. I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously
protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind. I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked,
pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community. I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in war time. In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking
Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British friends.
I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view. All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

So... what do you think?

Nobody's perfect right?

I used to be Republican.
Can't bring myself to be a Democrat.
Now I'm just confused.

Answer 1

I hear McDonalds is hiring.

Answer 2

i imagine the idea of massive replace on the horizon continuously has a cooling result on organisation pastime. the idea of doing organisation is to make earnings. maximum agencies reallly do no longer make that ought to go back on funding so the decissions made are significant and function to think about all factors intently. even as one in all those factors is problem to regulate the uncertainty finally ends up in hesitation. inspite of if the proposed ameliorations are a great difficulty, the prudent organisation man or woman will wait until eventually eventually the data are in formerly making a flow.

Answer 3

Well, funnily enough, there were enough Americans who apparently thought it was just fine to 'hire' this man.

Guess NO ONE in the whole entire country did their due diligence, eh?

Maybe having a sissy boy like Kerry in office would have made ALL the difference. After all, I'm sure a RICH MAN, married to an heiress no less, is totally familiar with the plight of the POOR and the DOWNTRODDEN all over the country, right guys?

And I'm equally sure we'd STILL be taking a pounding by terrorists had Kerry been in office when 9-11 occurred because he would have probably tried to 'reason' with the terrorists - like Clinton did with countries who are NOW proving to be trouble. So very typical.

At least we have someone who takes a hard stand against attacks on our country or threats to our security.

But keep tying to denegrate him. It's what Democrats do - WHINE, COMLAIN AND POINT FINGERS.

What's YOUR plan, Democrats??? I'd LOVE to hear it. Seems to me the only plan you all EVER have is to point fingers and complain - but you never have a SOLUTION.

Answer 4

Well, W, I don't think you're qualified for this position. Thanks for your interest in the Presidency. Good luck in your future endeavors. =) HAHAH.

Answer 5

Yes I would hire you, but I'd fire the idiot who wrote your resume.

Answer 6

geee, after all that sure dude