There is this guy I know who is about 10 years older than me (I'm 29). He is trying to get his life together and not party and drink etc. as much as he used to. For the past 2 weeks he has been doing a great job and doing more positive things for himself. He says that he always wants me in his life and how I am a big help for him to continue to go on the right track which he has been doing. I am very happy for him but I feel like he is making me feel like I HAVE to be in his life to help him do right or else he might go back and do the things he used to. Am I wrong for feeling like I don't want to be responsible for this grown man's behavior.
2006-07-13 04:55:40 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
He's almost 40 and still carring on like a teenager???? You are not responsible for this guy. He's got some issues he needs to work on and he needs to do it by imself. You don't say in your question, but does he still live with his parents?
2006-07-13 04:59:26 · answer #1 · answered by rudytute 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY. You are being set up for a fall. Your instincts are right he is making you responsible for his recovery. let me tell you something else, if this man is nearly 40 and he has not already straightened up his life, he is not going to do it in this lifetime. You do not say it but it sounds like drugs are in the picture. You say were, I say do not be fooled by a 2 week show. That is all it is a show and by time you realize it you will be hooked on him and dragged along on the downward spiral of his life. You deserve better, much better so sprare yourself the heartache and run away fast and do not look back
2006-07-13 05:02:07 · answer #2 · answered by digimutt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This type of behaviour is called co-dependency, which is not healthy for him or you. You need to take a step back from the relationship and inform him that if he is going to sort out his life that it is great and you will support him in achieving this but he can't rely on other people to do that. He needs to do this on his own and not make you feel like if you decide to not remain in his life that he will revert to his old ways as this is emotional blackmail and is this the type of person you want in your life. You really need to look at the bigger picture. He doesn't have a strong sense of character. I hope this helps
2006-07-13 05:05:27 · answer #3 · answered by brunettebarbiedoll26 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right to not want to be responsible for this man's behavior. The only one who can help him is himself. Is he attending 12-Step meetings regularly? AA or NA? if not, he's probably not going to have much success. Most people with alcohol/drug problems generally can't do much by will power. It's been proven that 12-Step groups are the most effective method of treating this very dangerous, chronic and fatal disease.
2006-07-13 05:02:32 · answer #4 · answered by Glennroid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not wrong at all. He just put a lot of pressure on you. Though he probably meant it to be a compliment. I would talk to him about it. Just tell him that you're happy he's getting his life together and that he attributes some of that to you. And let him know that you'll TRY to do whatever you can to help him. Just make sure you don't committ to anything specific. Just TRY to do what you can to help, and then keep making the decision to be in his life as time goes on. Good luck.
2006-07-13 04:59:47 · answer #5 · answered by rocknrobin21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
absolutely not! he is a grown man...he needs you to keep him on track. and guaranteed when you leave him, he will go right back to his old life style. He's only doing to keep you around. Thats real sweet and all but you want to be with someone who is responsible for himself and doesnt need a mommy or babysitter to keep him in line. Find someone who is balanced and responsible!
2006-07-13 04:59:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't feel responsible for a grown man's behavior. Be his friend butr don't take responsibility--or let him burden you with the responsibility--of helping him get his life back together. He has to do that himself.
2006-07-13 04:58:33 · answer #7 · answered by julz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well it could be but i dont think so i think he is saying to you that you are his very inspiration! he is saying to you and speaking from the bottomof his heart that without you he would have been dead. i think he feels emotionally he needed you for this and you will suit him jsut fine as a lover, friend, and mate i think he loves you but being in live is different! you should not be scared unless he tries to hurt you... some people have noone to connect with emotionally so when they have someone who has pulled them through the tough times naturally love will be there and you will want that person there for you all the time becuase you can trust them
I say dont end the friend ship and if he gets so goon he may have to help you one day and he may very well be your future husband who willtreat you so well you wouldnt knw what to do
good luck
2006-07-13 05:01:40 · answer #8 · answered by gotchafool05 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not your fault that he is like he is. He was like that before you was around. If he really wants to straighten up he will, don't let him put a guilt trip on you and make you feel bad if you leave. Sounds like he is trying to get you to be in his life and if you aren't then he cant do this but he is just doing that. Its a guy thing.
2006-07-13 05:01:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he wants to make you feel like that. I think sometimes people, no matter the age, need someone there that is behind him. Maybe he feels like he doesn't have anyone else he can count on for support. Maybe you should talk to him, and maybe introduce him to some of your friends, if they don't party and such, it might help him out even more and you won't feel like you "have" to be there.
2006-07-13 04:59:20 · answer #10 · answered by whistlebritches_17 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋