How would you deal with the fact that your partner had been married before, would it drive you crazy?

Answer 1

There would always be that small sound at the back of your head , does he still love her did she do that better and so on , but if you let that sound control you it will ruin your relationship , keep telling yourself he is with me and this is a new page and everything will be good

Answer 2

There are pros and cons to going with a person who's been married before. The positive thing is that you know that they're not "commitment phobic" and do bring some experience to the table that two never been married people don't. To assume that a person who's been married before is still somewhere in the back of his/her head in love with the ex is nonsense.
The downside is that a divorce does leave emotional scars. It's inevitable, but that doesn't have to be a problem if he/she had enough time to work through them.
The picture changes when there are children involved, but that's another story.
I think you're worrying over nothing.

Answer 3

Your partner wasn't born the day you met. Everyone has a past the key is not to let your past mess up your future. My brother in law was married before as was his wife.... they both were in short first marriages and have been with each other 20+ years. No one ever mentions their first marriages and their kids don't even know. So don't let your insecurities mess up what you have now, it is not their fault they couldn't see that that person was wrong for them and tht they would meet you one day. Also perhaps the person they are today (that you love) was partially formed by having had that experience and maybe they wouldn't be the same person had they not lived that first.

Answer 4

I don't know that it would drive me crazy, but I would want a lot of details and I'd be looking out for early warning signs. Marriages fail but marriages rarely fail because one person was wholly at fault, so if your partner is blaming the entire thing on the other person, that's a warning sign.

I'd want to know why the marriage failed, if there were any dependents, what the fall-out has been and from there try to extrapolate what will be the effects upon my own life.

Not that this relationship can't work out but these are reasonable questions to ask as a person who takes their relationships seriously and is cautious about whom they become involved with.

Answer 5

My wife has been married before. This is what I saw:
This is the woman that I love more than any other woman on the planet. More than every other woman on the planet. She is the one that I adore, love, respect and desire more than every other.

So, whatever it was in her past that brought her to that point, that made her into that person, I will cherish. Because I will cherish her. That's what those vows mean.

I am enough of a man to realize that the reality of me in the present is more valuable than the faded memories of someone else from the past. I'm not afraid of ghosts.

If you don't feel that way about him, and about yourself, you have no business marrying anyone.

Answer 6

You better not let it drive you crazy or you shouldn't be with them. I've been married twice, to people who've been married. I'm getting married again to someone who's been married. I talk to my ex-Wifes and my partner has met one of them twice at a wedding. If my partner had any doubts about my fidelity, she wouldn't be with me. She has no reason to doubt either. I feel the same way about her. Talk to your partner about it and work it out now before it gets too bad. Or go to counseling.

Answer 7

No,I have dealt with that delima before. The one good thing I saw out of it was,they are already broke into Married life. The bad side of it is,they come with baggage.You know,two side's to a coin thing.So if you Love the guy,go for it.Mine lasted 34 year's.He passed away 3 years ago and I still wish he was here.I relay Loved that guy. It's up to you.Take your best shot,Girlfriend!!

Answer 8

I am wondering the same thing. I don't think in this day and age where people change partners is it very uncommon to find a guy who has a legal ex. It is almost as uncommon as finding a single person with no children...

Me, I could live with it as long as decisions made regarding you and your relationship with him were not ANY of her business.

Answer 9

The past is past and you cannot change that. it is the past however and if you cannot get over that then you probably should not be with that person. They are with you so you should focus on that before you create problems where there are none. Just be happy in the present and perhaps make a future, the past is done, let it go

Answer 10

I think you should look at it as they are marriage minded. Meaning sometimes if they've been married before they are more likely to know what they are looking for in a marriage again. Find out what their ex did wrong so that you know not to make the same mistakes.

Answer 11

no. unless he was seeing a little more than he supposed to of her. like if they have kids together then thier realtionship should just be based on the kids. but if you feel like she is using the kids just to get him to leave you, then that's prolly wut it is. so you would have to put your foot down. not so much tell him he cannot see his kids, but tell him how uncomfortable you are with him running off to be there. it has nothing to do with the kids but the X. most women have been running that game for soooo long it has become a second language to me. if there are no kids involved then you got another issue on your hands. but if it just you somehow being insecure that he had that kind of realtionship with someone other than you then you just need to get over it. that is something you had no control over, it was way b4 he met you. if that bothers you, then you might have control issues. and that could very well push him away. well i hope i was some help, good luck and God bless.