I've been married a little over 2 years. My husband and I are in the process of a divorce. The reasons leading up to the divorce: infidelity because of differing wants and needs. Basically he cheated and went back to his ex wife and he's still with her. I left him after I cheated too. I am still with the man I cheated with and we are happy together. However, I have this distinct issue that I can't get out of my head. Doesn't it make me look like the better person since he's the one who a) cheated first b) cheated with an ex wife after having married me c) is still with her? I am told since I am the one who filed for the divorce (rightfully I feel) that I am the one who gave up too easily. I would beg to differ under the circumstances that he never got over his ex wife enough to give me the chance I deserved! Any thoughts on this situation? I know its pretty screwed up.
2006-07-13 04:05:22 · 14 answers · asked by sweetypie9 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
All good responses here. I guess my pride was so severly hurt over this, it has taken me time to get over it. The fact is, I left because I knew what I was doing was wrong. I took it on the chin and filed the divorce for that reason. I wasn't about to hurt him worse by staying. Yes, I'm happy. I don't know about him. People tell me he misses me. He tells lies about me and my partner to people. It's hard to suck it up when he forgets himself. The simple fact that he never got over his ex wife when he started with me and then married me knowing it was so wrong. I just need to feel better right now about everything that was said and done. Not worse.
2006-07-13 04:23:53 · update #1
NO, YOU BOTH ARE SCUM BECAUSE YOU BOTH CHEATED, so how proud are you
2006-07-13 04:10:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its a big round circle of your confusion relationships with your going to be ur ex-hubby. Your husband indeeds a nut coz if he can't get over his ex-wife, why bother divorce? This type of weird man doesn't deserve the best from you or any of his future woman.
You did cheated him but frankly speaking you did nothing wrong coz perhaps at that moment, you have lost your conscious and emotionally felt betrayed and cheated by your husband who you think will be faithful to you, however, he lets you down. I would said you are probably in revenge of those hurts from your husband.
Now, your relationship with your husband pretty screwed up and why are you persist to find an answer who is right, who is wrong? Afterall, both you and him had made a wrong move and decisions. I do not see yourself a easy give up person coz I would think that you may felt there is no hope and space of your existence in your husband's heart because if he does spare a thought of your feeling and by all means respect you as his "wife", he would not have gone back to his ex-wife and be with her. I think you had made a wise decision of spell out "divorce" because your love towards him had gone into disappointment and bleeding. I'm sorry.. I could felt the pain in your soul.
Have a good cry and sleep, tomorrow will be better for you and start afresh all over again. God bless.
2006-07-13 04:25:59 · answer #2 · answered by Adorable Mrs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all mrseahorse is an A** and has obviously never been through any similar situation. If I were you I would quit being so concerned about who thinks who is "the better person". If you and this new man are happy then congrats!!! Your ex used you to get back at his ex. Congrats to him because it worked. Cheating kills a relationship.....whether you are the first or last one to do it...it doesn't matter...Remember two wrongs don't make a right. Chalk it up as a learning experience. Hold your head high and go on with your life.....Best wishes!!!
2006-07-13 04:27:00 · answer #3 · answered by Doll 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i just hope that everyone could find some happiness where they are at right now. i see why you cheated, being another woman, i would have done the same thing. but two wrongs dont make a right!! you both were in the wrong for not staying loyal to your marriage. try not to have too much pride, you will look like the better person if you just stay neutral and civil with him not bringing up the past. just try to move on.
2006-07-13 04:13:08 · answer #4 · answered by toni h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does it really matter??? Since you are both happier with other people just move on. Your question is like asking if it was okay to hurt someone cause they hurt you first... you should have been the bigger person and waited till you were at least separated to be with someone else. But it's too late and neither one of you is better then the other in the way you treated each other. If someone is telling you that you gave up to easily just politely say it doesn't mater what's done is done and we both decided to be with other people. Moving on...
2006-07-13 04:12:16 · answer #5 · answered by Frustrated employee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in the right here for leaving since he went back to his ex wife and left you first. I would of filed for divorce too.
2006-07-13 09:35:54 · answer #6 · answered by mylove 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
FAult, blame, right, wrong, all useless. That's the past and water under the bridge. You have a person in your life that you are happy with. So go live happily with him! and put the past out of your mind.
2006-07-13 07:24:17 · answer #7 · answered by Carp 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can you feel like you're the better person when a) you cheated as well and b) you're also with the man you cheated with.
You're no different than he is.
2006-07-13 04:13:11 · answer #8 · answered by bluesie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The question is, when is cheating, cheating? In your case, I think you just reacted after having realised that there was no hope in your marrage. Reacting here means, Acting after you have been provocted to act.
2006-07-13 04:13:29 · answer #9 · answered by thelovebug 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let the past be the past and carry on. You did say you are happy with your new guy right? I don't see any problem here.
2006-07-13 05:28:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's crazy you did what was right.and i agree with you.after all he's the one who went back to his ex-wife.I think you did the right thing by filling for the divorce.so i don't see what you did wrong here.tell him you'll see him in court.
2006-07-13 04:17:45 · answer #11 · answered by Angel sent from heaven 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋