will I ever trust him again?

Question

its been a year since I found out that my husband had an affair on me, I am still thinking about it all the time and I have no trust in him at all , I am trying so hard to get passed it but it still hurts, I love him with all my heart,but a part of me hates him for what he did to me, I knew something was wrong in our marrige but really didnt think he could be cheating on me but after I found out it was all clear to me then, she broke down and told her husband about the affair and he came straight to me and told me eveything, at first my husband said it was all lies and then he finally broke down and cried and told me yes he had , what hurts the worst is he lied at first and told me it only happened twice but after about two weeks into my hell I found out it was at her house , at motels and in his semi, it makes me sick and to top off the cake she is ugly,no boobs,a dope head with rotten teeth, my god im the complete opposite, it really hurt , its like hamburger compared to steak

Answer 1

Seen this a hundred times. Men who cheat usually arent interested in the other physical woman. It is the way they make a man feel. Men get a good majority of their self esteem from women. My guess is that since you are attractive, if you are not constantly fannig his ego and making him feel attractive also, he needs to get that from somewhere. While he chose the wrong route... women are the easiest and quickest source of self esteem for men.. sorry to answer your question, yes you can trust him again however you first need to get to the true core of why he cheated... you know it wasn't about the physical sex. I know it sounds horrible to be super nice to the person who hurt you however he is probably suffering super low self esteem. Make him feel better and he will show you trust and love like you had when you first met. Try it for a few weeks I promise it will work.

Answer 2

I have been cheated on before and unfortunately saw what the last chick he was with looked like and yeah its like pouring salt on an already open wound when you see that they are just flat out ugly...But back to the matter at hand, once you find out that someone has cheated on you that bond of trust that you had together, where you were on the same team apparently working and living for the same goals is gone...You are now essentially on different lines because there is your emotional burden and pain standing in the way...and to be honest you have every right to feel the way that you do but you have to do something whether it is going to counseling by yourself or with your husband to try and resolve these issues if you really want to stay in the relationship with this man. You might not be able to forget but it doesn't seem like you have been able to truly forgive either and if counseling doesnt help, I suggest you leave and stop tormenting yourself over something that you have no control over. I mean what kind of relationship do you have if you are still constantly troubled by what he has done to you? If you continue to let this eat away at you, then youre just going to suffer and most likely push him away to do something that will hurt you again...The choice is yours to either do something about it or continue the pain and for the sake of your potential future with you husband and most importantly your own happiness and wellbeing I hope that you try find a way to move through this and leave the past in the past...good luck:)

Answer 3

Trust his a hard enough thing to gain in a marriage. Bad enough he lost all trust with you. Will you ever fully trust your husband again? NO you want. There will always be this incident in the back of your head. I don't know why men choose to cheat with women below their standards, when they have a better thing for them at home. It also doesn't help that he drives a truck. My husband does too. Do you know how many women they get hit on by in a day just b/c they drive a truck? Quite a few. I would hope that my husband hasn't reacted to any of the offers he has told me about. But know you got me thinking too. As far as I know I trust my hasband, and hope to God he would never stoop to that level. But he knows if he did he would loose the love of his life, and the mother of his children.

Answer 4

Well, you can forgive, but, never forget. I mean, it's really hard to trust someone again, it is going to take some time, but, you have to look at it like this, he has to start from zero, to be able to gain your trust back. I mean, why do men choose women below their standards? God only knows why, i do agree with the guys that said that it's b/c he needs someone to boost his ego, i never looked at it that way, but, it makes sense. If you really love him, yeah, you are going to feel messed up, but, you can still work things out, and at the end, he chose you, so that means that he wants you. I'm not going to lie to you and say that whenever ya'll argue later, you won't think about what he did, but, you have to get past that, and put it in your head that he is not anymore. You guys have to work together on this. Things will get better, i promise, take your time healing. After all, he shoudl wait as long as it takes after what he did

Answer 5

Honey, I've been here before. Once you get that stuff in your head, it doesn't go away, trust me. There is rarely anything in the world that makes up for it or makes it go away too. Since it's not the first time I've dealt with it it was easy enough for me to get out of my marriage quicker. People questioned me for getting out so fast. They thought I'd just given up and that it was my fault but you know what? My soon to be ex husband is still with this woman and this woman he was with BEFORE our relationship started. I think that alone makes him look like the loser for dragging me into it. It makes me feel better knowing I got out when I did and didn't keep my blinders closed to it and then had a baby with him thus divorcing him after everything.

Answer 6

You can forgiven him for what he has done but you will never forget it will always haunt every time something comes up or when is late or not where he said he will be. As far as the trust issue that will probably take years to get back or it may never come back that really all depends on your mind set.

Answer 7

Hamburger is cheap and easy, a good steak takes time to prepare. This in no way is your fault, I don't think after only 1 year you can completely trust him yet, it will take time. He needs to earn your trust, he messed up big!!!!

Answer 8

i know it's hard but u should be thankful that he did finaly tell u the truth and the fact that he cried shows he was ashamed and sorry for what he did u should accept that he is sorry and stop dwelling on it ,and move on to creating a happy life together , u need to forgive him , it's over , put it in the past, let it go, good luck and god bless u both

Answer 9

I doubt you ever will. There is probably resentment to go along with the distrust, anger, etc. I'd do my best to move on without him. Having somone cheat on you can really messs you up and it gets worse the longer you stay.

Answer 10

cheaters get a thrill from sex without obligation or commitment.
and variety.
you are going to have to decide if the marriage can get passed it or you divorce.