How can I wean my 13 month old baby girl (who sleeps with us in our bed) from nursing throughout the night?

Question

I've loved the closeness and the convenience of my baby daughter cosleeping with us since birth. But now that she's 13 months old, when she wakes up at various points in the night she cries LOUDLY and thrashes about until given the nipple. (Her development: I say she's a baby because she's not QUITE a toddler yet, but it does seem like she'll be walking independently VERY soon. She loves to stand and to walk holding our hands. She eats a varied & healthy diet of solid foods (everything we eat!) and has nursed since birth. She's healthy, happy & wonderful!) I'd love advice. I do have a crib at the foot of our bed that I could try placing her in, or I could try moving it to another room (our place doesn't accommodate her own bedroom). In my perfect world she'd sleep right beside us, (it's such a precious experience!), but no longer need to nurse, though I'm questioning how such a feat could be accomplished.

Answer 1

Why do you want to wean her at night? It sounds like nursing gets her back to sleep and nothing else does. If you wean her, instead of her waking several times overnight, she will probably be up *all* night. And instead of having your sleep interrupted every few hours, you just won't get any.

I would suggest continuing as you are for a little longer. If you wean her at night now, you will probably be making what may be a bad situation even worse.

Answer 2

I understand where you're coming from. I have an 11 month old that wakes up 3-10 times a night to nurse. I don't mind the nursing part, but sometimes the thrashing/punching/kicking in the middle of the night are a bother LOL. I thought I wanted to wean her from night feedings too, until she went on a 10-day nursing strike last month due to a very bad sore throat. Every night of that 10-days she slept through without waking to nurse. Every morning I cried my eyes out about it! Be careful what you wish for, now when she wakes to nurse at night I cuddle her close, smell her sweet baby hair and love it more than anything!!!

Your little one will be weaned soon enough (even if it's another year or more) and when it's gone, it's gone forever. Don't listen to people who say to wean her because she "has no need for it", they obviously never nursed a baby and don't understand the unique bond. If you let her wean on her own I bet that you both will be much happier in the long run. Best wishes and congrats on breastfeeding!!

Answer 3

I'm not sure if you're really set on night weaning or if you're just irritated by the frequent night wakings and crying to be nursed. If it makes you feel any better, my younger daughter (20 months old) did/does the same thing. She does start the night in bed with her 3-year-old sister, but when she wakes the first time, I bring her into our bed. Often, it's around 1am, although we've made it to 3-4am several times, and occasionally, she wakes the first time as early as 11pm-12am.

It is definitely exhausting and frustrating to have her up so much. However, I found that when I just relaxed and didn't try to fight her at night, she'd start sleeping a bit better. I also worked with her a little bit (once she started to seem ready around 14-15 months) to let her start falling asleep on her own, and I think not associating all sleep times with nursing has helped a bit. Shortly after a year, she'd nurse and nurse at bedtime/naptime, but not fall all the way to sleep, so I just tried putting her in her bed, and one day, she just fell asleep.

I also learned that sometimes she could fall asleep by just playing with my shirt or hair if my breasts were inaccessible to her (I was lying on my stomach or w/ my back to her).

Now that she's older, I'm working with her to "ask nicely" to nurse rather than crying. So sometimes when she wakes at night, she'll say "na-na" to nurse or "peese" for please. We still have plenty of rough nights, but we are making some slow progress, so I haven't done anything drastic.

I haven't read it, but I've heard good things about "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It even has suggestions for helping your child sleep better even while continuing to breastfeed and co-sleep.

Hope you can get some rest soon!

Answer 4

As long as she is sleeping in bed with you, she will expect to be nursed. If you have the patience, and really want her to continue to sleep with you, you can just ignore her pleas to nurse in the night. Comfort her in other ways, by snuggling or sharing a stuffed animal with her. She is old enough to be without breast milk and has no need for nursing at all. The easiest way would be to move her out of your bed. Since this will invovle crying I recommend putting her in another room. At 13 months you probably won't be able to keep her in a crib much longer. Mine was climbing out as soon as he could walk and she will need her own space anyway. In my opinion, you should wean her from the nipple and from sleeping in your bed at the same time, since it will be difficult on both of you and you won't want to go through the same process twice. Besides, isn't it time you and your partner have some time alone, before the child gets older and requires less sleep and more attention?

Answer 5

Co-sleeping may have not been your plan while you were pregnant, but once babies arrive, plans change my dear. There is nothing wrong with attachment parenting. To the idiots that told you to throw your child into a crib and let him cry until he goes to sleep...he was grown in her belly for 9 months being comforted and supported, he should be able to expect at least 9 months OUT of the womb like that. The only thing 'crying it out' would show the poor child is that mommy isn't always dependable when he's crying for her. If you're happy with your son co-sleeping, than a big F U to everyone else. You know what's best for your child.

Answer 6

Do you want to wean her because you are no longer comfortable with it or is it because you think you 'should' because of the opinions of others? My son is 2 and still nursing at night and still co-sleeping (we never did get a crib and the bassinet is just full of toys and bedtime books). I don't have any weaning advice. Just want you to know that it isn't a bad thing if you decide to continue breastfeeding.
Had to add this rebuttal to the next answer. My parents were very hands off. I never slept in their bed, wasn't breastfed and my parents believed in the CIO method. I grew up very dependent and insecure. I really do not believe any sleeping method causes these insecurities. I just feel that if you have an answer, try to do it without making this person feel like a sh*tty mother for her choices.

Answer 7

I disagree completely with the previous answerer.

I nursed my daughter until she was three. We co-sleep and she did nurse at night..my daughter learned how not to wake me up to nurse...I went many a night without a shirt on to help her find her way to nurse so that no crying/waking was necessary. My daughter self weaned, and the nighttime nursing went first.

I wish you the best...and congratulate you on such a loving choice.

Answer 8

I haven't read the answers that have come out but I am sure I know what I will find - there are many moms that will tell you to wean her and get her in her own room ASAP.

Im not one of them, but I dont know how to help you. My daughter is 10 months, still breastfeeds, and still sleeps with us. Here are a few places you can check where you can find answers from other mothers who do things a little more like we do, and a little less like the "cry-it-out/feed-baby-solids-at-2-weeks/wean-baby-at-6-months" kind of parents that i'm sure are on here.

http://www.mothering.com - - this is an amazing resource. They have a discussion board ( http://www.mothering.com/discussions ) - you have to join as a user but it's easy and free. There you will find mothers who almost all exclusively believe in breastfeeding, cosleeping, natural childbirth, and other natural values that it sounds like you hold pretty important. You post this question on there and you will find MANY more helpful answers than I've seen come up to similar questions to this.

La Leche League is another good one - they are breastfeeding advocates but also help mothers through the weaning process - be it night weaning or total weaning - and they encourage doing it gently! which i'm sure you want to do. Anyway, here's their website - http://www.lalecheleague.org and THEIR discussion board is at http://www.lalecheleague.org/vbulletin

hope that helps! Sorry i'm so critical of the answers you might receive, i've just seen so many "what are you doing breastfeeding at that age?!" kind of comments in similar questions and I really just wanted to help point you in a ....nicer... direction.

Answer 9

Its unfair to the child to keep her in your bed. Children need to learn independance and self confidence, she cant get that from constantly having you right there, it just breeds insecurity. Youre only projecting your own fears and dislikes on her by assuming she wants and needs to be in your bed with you every night. You've already expressed that its such a precious experience... for you. Iam not saying she doesnt enjoy it herself, but anything that doesnt encourage development impeeds it.

Atleast give her her own bed to sleep in, and then stop feeding her every time she wakes up crying. She cries because she knows you will react and give her what she wants, which is the ability to fall asleep by your cuddling and comfort.

If you must continue to nurse her at night, make a scehdule for it. Let her wake up and fuss and put herself to sleep, no matter how long it takes. Eventually she will wake up half way through the night, and then you can feed her... really theres no reason for a 13 month old to be feeding all night long anyway. Its not nessisary for her growth to eat at night.

If you wouldnt let your second grade child, or highschooler, share your bed with you all night every night, why would you start that dependancy in them?

My parents let me sleep in their bed every night until i was 5... and iam grown and married and still cant sleep alone. Its not fair to do that to a person, it breeds insecurity. I had to sleep on my room mates floor as an adult, that shits not okay. Its selfish, stop it.

Answer 10

start using a bottle or give your child a tippy cup of
3/4 milk instead of nursing
then you can gradually wean him off like a few days later give him 1/2 milk water combo and make sure he eats well just before bed
it is a habit and habits are hard to break in children
but if he is full at bed time and then still gets a drink but is it is not as good as mothers milk he will not want it as often