Is it wrong to have a really big crush on a man while being married?

Question

im married and i love my husband but i cant help feeling emotions toward this guy at work i feel hes everything my husband is not. What should i do?

Answer 1

You don't mention how long you have been married, nor your age and place in life, so I will assume that you are both young adults over 21..
First, there is nothing WRONG with admiring another person of the opposite sex, just ask the guys on this forum...:) There is nothing wrong with sexual fantasy, as long as it remains "fantasy".
However, what is very WRONG is WHY you are so attracted to this person? What this yells very loudly is that there is something in your marriage that is missing for you and you OWE IT TO YOURSELF AND YOUR HUSBAND to find out what it is. DO NOT misinterpret some "lust" for "feeling" until, and ONLY UNTIL you and your hubby have exhausted all avenues to address whatever is not satisfying for you and/or him in your marriage. If you both reach this point then make sure your divorce is final first before starting anything, you will be happy you waited, I assure you...
I don't think it very wise to tell your husband of your private thoughts about this person, (unless they are not just, "thoughts"?) as it will only worry and possibly anger him and in the real world you have not done anything about those feelings, so therefore.....
But, I would strongly suggest that you do some serious soul searching about you, your marriage and what is missing and then discuss this rationally and maturely with your husband.
I would bet that you will find the "missing" piece and will no longer see this guy as anything more than attractive, but far from "better" than your husband...
Frankly, you sound a bit lonely and maybe a bit confused about what you expected in your marriage and what it turned out to be. Maybe a bit of "rose colored glasses" thing going on???
Marriage is not a union of two people who never change, or never grow and improve. Quite the opposite really it is a union where you learn just how truly different two people can be and the challenge both people have to find a way to be happy with those differences. Try to look for the things your husband IS, RATHER THAN WHAT HE IS NOT.. You may find that what he is NOT, MAY VERY WELL BE OK, just as I am sure he may find things "not ok with you" as well.
Most marriages end in divorce because people don't want to work at a marriage, and this is one of the core problems in young marriages... IT TAKES REAL WORK for a marriage to suceed and it is not all "pretty n' pink" getting there...
In the mean time, stay clean away from this guy. You must hold yourself to a higher standard for all married women faced with your situation. When even one married women acts on this "fantasy", it makes all of us other married women look bad, just like it does when it's a man who does it..
So, you hold your integrity high and make sure that YOUR PRICE is so freakin high, no one can tempt you to compromise it....
Think about this and sincerely,

Good luck..

Answer 2

Women don't talk much about this, but I think it's a VERY common issue. I think as humans, we can't turn our emotions and feelings off and on when we choose, so someone may strike a chord in us and we feel attracted to them. The conflict happens when we have a lot of feelings for someone, but we're already attached to someone else.

My advice: Get REALLY clear about what you want. This may take some time and soul searching, but you have to dig deep and figure out if you really want to stay with your husband, or if you want to play the field a little more. Were you really ready to settle down when you did - and did you 'settle'? Whatever you decide is up to you - but make sure that it's genuine.

Next, it's okay to like people for certain qualities - this guy at work might have some of the things that you want your husband to have, but would it really work out that way? Do you think the qualities your husband has are the ones that you are most compatable with?

If you start to become hostile to your husband because you're hot for this other guy, then you're doing your husband wrong - and yourself. Don't make comparisons between this guy and your husband, but just appreciate what your co-worker has. Instead of saying things in your head that perpetuate that you could actually be with him, fantacize about him a little bit, but also say - he's going to make some woman very happy one day. It's hard to get over crushes at work - because you see them every day - but if you want your marriage to work, then you need to do some inner work and figure out why you aren't getting what you need at home...

This is a hard one, but one that a lot of women (and men) face. Good luck

Answer 3

No, it's not wrong, but you may be mistaken and he may not have interest in you the way you want. He may be playing you for freebies or another agenda. You can't read a book by its cover. OK?
I hate it when women at work go fishing for another personal stepping stone with the management. They dress up so hot and use sexual innuendo as a survival tool in the politics of the work group.
Never get involved with co-workers. It's a bad scene. Think of the consequences. Now if you quit your job, and get a divorce then he is no longer taboo.
You know, he'll run for the hills with the thought of hooking up with you unless it's under the table. He has no risk.
By the way. Everyone at the workplace knows what's going on. Your eyes tell the story.

Answer 4

Friendships can often be laced with unrequited/unspoken sexual frustrations. It can become the backbone of a great friendship if handled well over time. People today to quickly give up on people simply for strange quirks or an uncomfortable moment. Don't forget the humanity in the human. Humanity includes awkward situations - and avoidance often just make things worse. Dig deep into yourself and find a way to address this in a positive manner. I think you'll feel stronger for doing it, despite how hard it is to get started. Good Luck

Answer 5

There nothing wrong with having a crush. I kinda have a simmler problem. I know where married but there is some thing that just catches are attention from these guys. It is not a bads thing. I am sure it happends to the guys too.

Answer 6

Been there done that! It is not worth it. Focus on your husband, and just remember this person may not be everything your husband is. He is the one that loves you and you married him because you love him. The feeling for this other person will finally subside when you open your eyes back up for your husband. Do things to concentrate on your family!

Answer 7

Do you need an permission from us to screw this guy????????

If that's it then go ahead and screw him and break up your marriage, we always think the other side is greener, only to find out it has been a dry summer.

Don't break up your marriage on temptation, there are so many of them and it will never end at all.

I remember on my promiscuous days, it was notorious and sometimes I will pray to god and make pact with him that if i get this one then i will never ask the same again.

You know what, it was a never ending story and always the same thing happen again with my breaking promises to Sir God.

i know it is difficult but once you make your vows then try not to otherwise the consequences are dear.

Answer 8

No! You might get more attracted over time and who knows where it might lead. One night of passion is not worth losing either your marriage or job.

Let me clarify that it is "normal" to still feel attraction to other people, even if you love your husband (you are still human). And it is normal to feel the the grass is greener somewhere else (It isn't; this new guy isn't any more perfect than your current husband, and if you knew him as well as you now know your husband, you would realize that).

I would try to avoid this person as much as you practically can.

Answer 9

This usually happens when your husband is not treating you and some way which you are expecting him to treat you. Then someone comes along and treats you nice and then you get confused, you start getting the wrong idea. Stop on time, you could get your marriage in trouble and even lose your husband. Think about it before getting involved.

Answer 10

Theres nothing wrong on having a crush on someone else then your husband. Its human nature to be attracted to more then one person in your life. However it would be wrong to persue anything beyond a business relationship with your co-worker. First of all you should never mix business with pleasure, and second of all, if you truly love your husband, cheating on him isn't the best way of showing it.