I made this up on the spot, I am bored. Feel free to critique, but nothing deliberately mean. Thank you!
The sun shines over head.
The trees rustle.
The street moves with life.
My head spins.
My pulse throbs.
I feel too full of life.
With books, my iced tea,
Maybe some dry cereal.
I take in the world...
The cars pass by.
The stars begin to show themselves.
And still I sit and wonder.
Life goes on.
We seem to have so much of it.
How can life stop for someone?
Nature is too great.
I don't want to stop living.
So I sit and take it in, I sit and live.
The bees buzz.
The flowers bloom.
The sweet smell of grass wafts in the air.
Life eventually ends.
So I sit and live while I can.
Until the phone rings and I go and live in a different way.
2006-07-13 02:57:26 · 17 answers · asked by ~S~ is for Stephanie! 6 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
OMG, your poem is so beautiful. i love your style of metaphoric language personification an other literary elements and techniques keep up the good work girl!
2006-07-13 03:02:13 · answer #1 · answered by Carpe Diem (Seize The Day) 6 · 7⤊ 1⤋
Thats really good. You should publish it on Fictionpress.com or deviantart.com...thats where I publish my stuff. :)
The only thing I didnt like was "Maybe some dry cereal." Everything in the peom flowed, ice tea, life, flying bees, cars, traffic, (even books have plots that flow.) The dry cereal sort of didnt fit. It dosent flow...it just sits there untill you crunch it up. I dont know, thats just my opinion.
Keep up the good work. :)
2006-07-13 10:06:03 · answer #2 · answered by fior_labhair 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Neat
2006-07-13 10:00:28 · answer #3 · answered by Sumeet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound a little like Emily Dickinson.
2006-07-13 10:05:44 · answer #4 · answered by prinsisss 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is very good. Very thoughtful and though provoking. I like the imagery you used. It is an excellent poem!
2006-07-13 10:02:17 · answer #5 · answered by zharantan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That poem is really good it sounds like it is coming from the heart
2006-07-13 10:02:17 · answer #6 · answered by Rondi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do like your poem.
It shows some good thinking.
Just wondering--what would happen if you went EVEN deeper into your observations?
Whatever you do, keep writing!
2006-07-13 10:07:19 · answer #7 · answered by knittedworldorder 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice, especially the last line; "Until the phone rings... "
2006-07-13 10:53:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's really good. I like it. Keep writing!
2006-07-13 10:01:58 · answer #9 · answered by Jennifer Gayle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good poem. I wish, I could write one .
2006-07-13 10:04:54 · answer #10 · answered by SUN FLOWER 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋