Question for married couples?

Question

This has been an ongoing dilemna between my husband and I. He works, I am a stay at home mom, three kids.

He is more of a home-body style person, and I like to go out here and there. During the week he works all day and is tired when he comes home (and I am tired at the end of the day as well). I work around the house during the weekdays whether it is just cleaning up after the kids or working on home projects.

When the weekend comes, I have been home ALL WEEK working around the house, so I would like to go out - anywhere. But he wants to spend his time off (on the weekends) working around the house. That makes it just like any other day to me.

What is the compromise? He doesn't even usually like to go out on the weekend evenings, he just wants to spend full, relaxing days at home.

This has been a major source of discontent for years!! Please help!! I would love to hear from both husbands AND wives!

Answer 1

Oh how I can sooo relate to your story!

I too am a stay at home mom of 5 (4 still in the nest).

My husband has the same work schedule as yours.
I am finding that what works best is doing a little something by myself during the week helps. I have been attending a bereavement support group and afterwards a few of us go out to dinner or meet up and go for dance lessons.(my brother just passed away and he had advised me to start having fun as life is too short..so thanks to my now deceased brother I am) Its very helpful to get out some in a safe way. Maybe you can join a gym, a book club..etc and make a few "safe" friends that you can spend some time with on a weeknight and let hubby take on the parenting for a night alone.

I leave the weekends free so I can spend the time with my hubby.

Please take my brothers advise too.. Dont stick yourself in mommy mode or wife mode for ever (just because you love your job doesnt mean you have to be in the trenches day in and day out). Everyone deserves a breather from time to time. Who knows..when hubby sees how refreshed you are after going out..he may want to go out with you or even make another night for y'all on the weekends.

Best wishes!

Answer 2

You have a mayor issue, but is a very commom one! Let me give you some light into the situation:

He works all day outside the home, therefore, he cherishes the peaceful home setting, which is his temple, his safe spot and the place he longs to be after work. During the weekeds, he works around the house because he is able to enjoy the house, the kids, and you. He never gets a chance to do this until the weekend. During the weekend, he can relax and let go and be worry free...

You work at home, you spend grueling days hard laboring with kids, bills and laundry, You long to be outside the house but you are housebounded, your workplace is home and you crave the excitement of changing enviroment and let go where you don;t have to see the laundry basket.....

So you both are right, but you are not communicating effectivly to reach an understanding.

My advice to you is to have a plan. Come up with a calendar and have set dates to go out with your spouse. This could be once or twice a month. Write them down on a calendar and let him know what dates he should be available an
First, hire a babysitter.

Second, browse for fun things to do together. You tell him what do you want to do and when, if you expect him to do it for you or appoitnt him to do it, you might get dissapoited.

Third. Don't nag, it never helps.

Fourth. Do something that you bouth would enjoy. Don't trag him to the mall for shopping because that will be boring. Likewise, he should not expect you to "enjoy" a football game. Find something for the both of you, going out dancing o to have drink in a bar, go for a movie, something relaxing and fun.

Take actions if youwant things to change.

Good luck

Answer 3

I used to be a stay at home mom, three kids as well. But I had the same problem. By the time the weekends were here, the laundry would be done, the house would be clean, and I'd be ready to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE, I would go stir crazy. So, I would leave him with the kids and go to the mall or go to happy hour with my girlfriends. He does need to compromise a little though. You should set up a schedule, maybe 2 weekends out of the month, hire a babysitter, and yall should go out on Saturday night and do the couple thing.
It wasn't good enough for me, that's why I started working. I hated asking for money, I needed my own money, so now I work full time and I love it. It's been three months now, and I have found my spot in life!
I come home from work ready to see and play with my kids, I'm not as short to them as I used to be.

Answer 4

My husband and I had this problem when we first married and while our son was very young. My husband is much more of a homebody than I am. We worked out this compromise. During the week we were home in the evenings. On the weekends we chose one day to get out of the house. It was sometimes Saturday, sometimes Sunday, depending on the week.

Money was tight, so our day out might be walking around a mall in a nearby town, going to an afternoon movie (it was cheap back then), hiking through a state park, etc.

We've been married for 21 years. He's still more of a homebody than I am, but I'm out of the house more now than I was when our son was small. Sometimes when I really need to get out and he would prefer to putter around the house, I'll call a girlfriend or two, and we do something fun.

Answer 5

Boy do I understand where you're coming from! My husband is the same way! I work full time as well so I'm not around the house all the time but when I am (if I'm sick, between jobs etc.) I go bonkers around the house! The only thing that I've found that works is to either go out by yourself and leave the kids with him or hire a babysitter and go out for dinner or something together. Maybe ask him what kind of things he would 'theoretically' like to do that involve going out, then do some of his things and some of yours.

I wish I could be more help!

Answer 6

I understand both situations. The husband is away at work and wants to spend time at home and with the kids, while the wife works at home, raising the kids, but needs a little time away from the home, preferably, with the husband. Communication is needed by you both to share your views. Compromise needs to come from both of you to fulfill both your needs. Set a schedule to go out with your husband and just maybe, you go and spend some time at a spa or doing another relaxing activity of your choice. There can be a happy medium between the both of you regarding this situation, but communication is the key. Good Luck!

Answer 7

Sesame Street has been brought to you today by the word "COMPROMISE" and the number 2! The both of you need to lighten up and be considerate to each other's feelings! Agree on every other weekend; this weekend we stay home with the kids, next weekend we go out. Simple.

Answer 8

HI. I understand. I become very upset when my hubby is a homebody, too. I truely have found that I will become very unhappy when I take what he does or doesn't do personally. Sometimes when I let him do nothing for a long period, he's content then and tries to make me happy in return by going out and doing things. Believe me I understand this problem very much. Trust me. I have come to realize that my hubby is often tired and does what he does. He is doing his best. He is doing all he can do the best way he knows how. Try to make him happy by leaving him be. I know it's very hard. BUT I think that once he's allowed to take care of what he thinks needs to do, He'll make the time to take care of your needs as well. I wish you the best.

Answer 9

Well tell you this.... From experience... If you don't TALK about this problem now... Get it out find a compromise then you will have trouble down the road. Mine turned into a divorce because I didn't open my mouth soon enough... Once i started talking and told her I was moving out the lines of communication opened up. But of course by this time it was to late. May not seem like a big deal to you now but believe me it will sooner or later.. Good luck

Answer 10

Discuss with him on him taking a day off every month to be with you and spend the time outside. Go for a movie. Have dinner somewhere special..Take the family to the beach..
Let him know that his family needs him and he has to balance his time between work and home and YOU time.

Alternatively, if he still wants to stay home on his off days, tell him that when he is home, it is your time to spend outside. Go to the hairdressers, have a facial, a massage or spa treatment, pedicure, manicure, catch up with your friends or own family. These are what a woman wants and need to feel pampered and beautiful again.