he as not spoken to me for three and a half years and he will not give a reason we were very close until he got married I think it is his wife that is telling him she does not want anything to do with me i have four grandchildren two I have not seen I need help in how to go about getting my son back i have tried writing to him getting no reply he has cut himself off from all of the family please help me
2006-07-12 22:14:50 · 18 answers · asked by phillips 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I'm afraid there's no easy answer for this one. There isn't anything you can do, truly. When he's ready, he'll contact you. And I know it hurts to hear that, but I've been there...with my oldest daughter, so I do understand exactly what you feel. There will be months, years that I don't hear from her (even though I know how to contact her, and have tried, believe me!)...when she wants, she contacts me, usually when she's in a bind.
I've tried to figure out why she does this, and I think it stems from her father's influence (I've been divorced from him since 1983!)...but who knows?
If nothing else, do NOT let a holiday go by that you haven't sent him a card, or a small token in the mail. Send a card for his birthday, and if you can afford it, with a bill in it...make it heartfelt, and sweet and endearing...he'll get it, he'll read it, and it might just make him think! Do the same at Christmas, and if you'd like, and can afford it...send your grandchildren something too. Eventually he'll see you're trying, and maybe he'll break away long enough to give you a call. And don't forget your daughter-in-law, despite the way you think she's badmouthing you! And their anniversary...it shows THEM BOTH that you're forgiving...and that you truly care and love them both!
We, as parents, can only do so much....but we can always BE THERE just in case they need us. Let HIM know you're there for him...when he's ready...
And good luck! Chin up....it'll get better....I promise!
2006-07-12 22:24:05 · answer #1 · answered by CoastalCutie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your son will not come to you go to him, have you tried just stopping by the house?? If so another option is to have you and another family member or two go by the house and see what is going on. It is not normal for a person to cut themselves completely off from their family, even if the family is disfunctional people usually maintain some kind of contact with somebody. If all else fails you should call an attorney and ask what kind of rights grandparents have in your area, there have been a lot of laws made recently regarding exactly what you are describing.
2006-07-13 05:17:53 · answer #2 · answered by simplyfabulous 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If only you ppl are muslims and you train this children to know God and follow His ways perhaps you'd sit now and stretch your leg happy.
They are just not discipline and schooled enough to know the value of a mother. Though you didnt tell what might be the cause of this, but irregardless, a mother is simply too honoured to be treated this way- says Islam.
In Islam, a mother a thorny path that must be tread despite all pain and agony. However we all know that the highest degree of love any child can get after the love GOD IS THAT OF THE MOTHER.
If that son is listening or reading this, he ought to know as well that the law of karma is certain. Moreso, you cannot keep malice for a period above three days, and anything after this is a beckoning to helldom.
To the mother, pls realise that most mother pose as rivals to their sons wife- natural but not rational. If only you can see the lady in his life as a daughter and not as rival.
You can do the amending by getting to him and say sorry- though i expect him to come to say this. The biggest onus is on him and by doing it, you are adding to his weight. God never takes kindly with any child that messes with his/her parent especially the mother. Please learn to teach them the ways of God and your peace will be guarrantteed.
2006-07-13 05:40:59 · answer #3 · answered by mikail 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son has a problem with you and you don't know what it is. So get down on your knees and grovel and say you're sorry and find out later what the problem is. This is not about winning, it's about getting him to talk to you. If his wife has turned him against you, consider what you have to bargain with to get access to her. Have you got something she wants more than she wants you to leave her husband alone? Offer her something that she wants. Tell her you won a 2 day Spa treatment and don't want it and she will have to talk to you to get it. Think hard about her motivations and then use them to your advantage. Don't let her know that it might cost you money, say it was free and that it costs you nothing to give it. Everyone has a 'price', it just might not be money. You need to discover your leverage. However, you may never find it.
2006-07-13 05:23:52 · answer #4 · answered by Donald M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My inlaws have cut us off too, for no other reason than the step mother is satans spawn and hates my wife (her step daughter). We've tried talking, writing, sending photos of their grandson... all sorts of things. The net result is that nothing has improved. People are messed up. They can justify their behaviour by any means that assuages their guilt. I hope it works out for you.
Perhaps try talking to him when she isn't around> "bump" into him at the shops or outside his work. Don't accuse. Just say you love him and hope things are good.
Hope it works.
2006-07-13 05:19:40 · answer #5 · answered by corpuscollossus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the other answers - you just try and meet up with him, if needs be 'accidentally', and don't be accusatory, don't say anything derocatory, just tell him how much you love and miss him and that you would love to be able to see him again.
in relation to the grandchildren I would make sure that you remember their birthdays and christmas with a card and present, and tell them in the card how much you love them. When they are older, they may well come looking for you on their own, and it is important that they realise that you tried everything you could to see them.
2006-07-13 06:03:38 · answer #6 · answered by lady258 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there no other member of your family that can help? Perhaps if you could just understand it might help. My brother hasn't spoken to my mother for 15 years. I know why, but my mother won't understand that it was her own actions that started it.
Are you sure you have no idea why this has happened?
Have you thought of dropping him a note, telling him you'd like to sort it out?
2006-07-13 06:26:13 · answer #7 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't worry honestly one day he will realise how much you love him, i know it is hard, i have just had a row with my son! he got engaged to a person! spent £900 on a ring and she stood there and watched him buy it and has now she has dumped him, he is 26 and she is 32! she kept saying its like looking after a child! write to him put your thoughts down on paper and wait for the reply honestly us mums are always there we just have to learn to bite our tongues! it;s hard i know but he will come round in the end. who is going to be there if it goes t...s up? exactly!!! good luck keep intouch
2006-07-14 09:20:34 · answer #8 · answered by janet w 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i cant tell you exactly what to do but stop at nothing to get him back. try talking to him when his wife is not around, meet up with him tell him how much you love him and that you are proud of him. he will regret not talking to you as family is forever. some people have lost family, youa re his family he has not lost you so he is breing ignorant he does not know how lucky he is. good luck to you.
2006-07-13 05:21:34 · answer #9 · answered by jame_football 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a useless son. If he can be so easily influenced by his wife he is good for nothing. Forget him, and cut him off from you will.
2006-07-13 06:21:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋