"cohabiting" versus marriage...??

Question

My boyfriend and I have been living together for over 2 years in a loving and committed relationship. Technically we have been "cohabiting" which is like being married without the papers. We just never felt the need to get married -- we are both financially independent, and we love and trust one another. We viewed marriage as a kind of archiac social custom that just serves to trap women or align wealthy families.

Well, now that our daugher is due (first child for both of us) all that has changed. I want to get married, mainly because I do not want to have a child out of wedlock, but also because I am looking to the future. He doesn't see any reason to change the status quo.

What do you think? Is marriage unnecessary if both people are truly committed to one another, and are on equal financial footing, even if they have a child together? Or will "cohabiting" not stand the test of time (or a child) like marriage will?

Answer 1

You should be married if you're going to have a kid. It makes the home more stable. All that "we can just live together" stuff is fine when you don't have kids, however a child changes the dynamic. Marriage solidifies the relationship, makes it more real.

You say that this relationship is "truly committed" but I don't feel like it is. If this is important to you then your "committed" boyfriend should be thrilled about the prospect of getting married, right?

Hope this helps!

Answer 2

If you don't have any problem with living together outside of marriage, there really shouldn't be a problem with having a child "out of wedlock" either. That phrase conjures deadbeat dads and pregnant teenagers, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.
I "cohabitate" in a situation similar to yours, and it has been wonderful. The only reason I'd ever want to get married is to have the wedding. I've known tons of couples that I thought were married because they'd been together their whole lives, had several children and whatnot, but I later found out they'd never officially married and never plan to. Others I've known have found marrying to ruin otherwise wonderful relationships.
As long as you're OK with the situation, it really doesn't matter whether you officially marry or not. After a few years, most will just assume you're married anyway.

Answer 3

So, if you didn't feel the need to marry for all these past two years, (it being archaic and all), why would having a child out of wedlock matter?... (remember, you said marriage was an archaic, social custom)?
So... which is it?
You'd better get your head on straight before that child is born!
Marriage is not an archaic social custom... that's just an ignorant cop-out! Marriage is a commitment sworn to by both man and woman to each other in the presence of God and other witnesses! That's just the way it is, regardless of how trivial it's been made out to be "this day and age"!
God doesn't change... people do! People who think they're smarter! (Yeah, right!). Look at where our "brilliance" has brought us! A more perfect world without God, right?
Hey, without God, what the hell does it matter whether you two get married or not?!?! You've completely missed the point!
Good Luck...

Answer 4

Ok first off the child is already conceived out of wedlock so scratch that. If you both feel your already married w/o the papers who cares, do what makes you happy. Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russel are still going strong. It is just paper after all. The only thing with having paper is it helps sometimes with showing more stability in your commitment to lenders, mortgage companies, insurance agents, etc., that's all. The child can carry his last name, yours, or you can do the new wave thing and make one up using letters from both your names. Note though that children can be cruel come school age. If the other kids find you all have a different last name your child might get picked on. I was told I was adopted all the time.

Answer 5

i applaud you. i believe that marriage is a archiac social custom. i've been married for 22 years and going through a nasty divorce right now, but when this is over i'm going to do somethinng - write a book ma- go on a campaign - be a crusader against marriage. i feel that when 2 people love each other they will stay together no matter what. it makes the relationship stronger without a religious or legal formality. forget the out of wedlock thing too. that's archaic as well. that one comment about the 2 women being kicked out -- whatever. one needs to be smart and lookout for themselves. you can still get shafted when you're married.

i wish you and your family good fortune, love, health, happiness forever.

as for me -- i'm going to have more fun planning my divorce party than i did my wedding.

Answer 6

Well, marriage traps the woman huh? Interesting. Because I personally know a few women that lived with men, did all the things married women do for their men and in both cases the man died, and guess who didn't get the house or anything in it, or even a part of his workers pension and Social Security? Guess who ended up on the street and having to start all over again? The poor "trapped woman". In one of those cases, the guys family swooped in on the woman, the inheritance law was on their side, and threw the woman out of the street without even her personal clothing.The house that she spent money on, decorating, money on, helping to furnish, was gone, lost to her because she had no rights since she wasn't his wife. And a third case, where the woman was in a car accident, was injured badly and no longer able to work, guess who no longer wanted to stand by her, financially or other wise. There was no marriage, so when her work insurance ran out, he did too.
By not being married, it made it much easier for him to run out on her without any legalities.
Get smart, get him to respect you and that unborn baby, by caring enough to marry you.

Answer 7

I wouldn't get married......UNLESS......you're going to have children.

He needs to grow up and think of that now. The responsibility came up when he got you pregnant. Every other consideration has to be put aside.

Plus, some states have something called a common law marriage..usually if you have been residing with your partner of oposite sex for more than 7 years. Some states it's 10.

Answer 8

one wants to close the bond and the other wants to keep his options open huh? do what you think is right and convince the other that this is better.