How do I get my husband to understand?

Question

I am to the point of wanting to give up. We have been together for 8 years and married for nearly 5. Things were so good in the beginning we would go places on dates and have fun together. Things changed shortly after we got married when he had an accident at work. After that he got so negative complaining about every freaking thing under the sun. I would tell him how much the complaining bothered me especially when there is nothing I can do about it. I would also tell him I do not bring my work frustrations home because it is no use. He also gives the same excuses for everything "I forgot" "I didn't know" "It's a guy thing" "I was raised that way". No matter what, there are excuses. He also accused me of "playing games" with him mom after he told me to have nothing to do with her and he would be the go btwn. I'm tired of him being tired all the time and not wanting to do anything. We have separated for now. He says he wants to change, but I should love him for him & I don't

Answer 1

Your problem is too complex for a simple answer. You guys should see a counsleor. He sounds depressed. He is not going to open up and change until that issue is addressed. You need to go get help for this.

Answer 2

Your husband is probably ill in some fashion. It could be any number of things, but I would look at the following really hard:

1. Depression: Its is common in our society, and it should have no stigma associated with it. It is a biological function--not an emotional one. He's not wacko; it's a symptom, and it can be easily controlled.

2. Does he snore? He could suffer sleep apnea. It is a far more serious condition than most know. It can also cause chronic fatigue and depression.

Don't give up. Marriage isn't just about when it's easy or fun. We took our vows seriously. It's what keeps people together when nothing else does. Work together and it doesn't matter who carries the other for a while.

My wife and I have been together more than 24 years, and we love each other more than ever. We separated once, but we got through it.

Committment, honor, cherish are easy to say. Now you must prove it. I've met many superficial women who "ran" from, what they perceived as, "bad" relationships. I have no respect for them. They are not good partners.

Were your husband violent, then run like hell.

Answer 3

Sorry, sweetie, you husband is NOT going to understand anything. He is in his own world of pity and you cannot buy him a ticket back home. He is blaming everything and everyone about him instead of facing reality. He wants you to keep your mouth shut to his mom for a very good reason...he is painting a very different picture of his reality than yours. And, being a parent, she is swallowing it hook, line, and sinker. He may want to change, but the chances are pretty slim, aren't they? Do you want to go through this again after another 6 months of frustration and pain??? At this point, you are useless to him, for you cannot help someone who will not help themselves. He is trying to drag you into his quagmire...don't let him...set him free to torture the next victim...and that is what you are. He may have brain injury from the accident, but if he has been unwilling to get the help he needs, he doesn't think he needs it. He has become a real nut case and this is beyond your help. So sorry to be so negative...I have been there, stuck around out of a sense of duty, and it ended very badly anyway. Run, don't walk, as far from him as you can. There is a new life waiting for you, but you have to go get it...it will not come to you. Best of luck

Answer 4

Put it in writing..you told him how it bothers you his complaining.. Well write him a letter and let him know how you feel and what you would like..sometimes we don't listen to each other..like that you know that he knows what's up.and if he's not willing to do something about it then there is nothing you can do..

Answer 5

Please don't feel ill in anyway for seperating from him....If he truly wants to change he will. make him show you ....not tell you......besides the saying is " you have to hit rock bottom before you can find your way back to the top" time will tell if he has hit rock bottom and is willing to change for good. If not you are better off without him...do not leat another dictate your selfworth...everyone deserves respect and he is not giving it...

Answer 6

If you dont love him than there is no point going on. things ca work out where love exist, but where it does not, its no point at all.

Tell him... you have tried and now you just want to go on with your life andif he really loves you, he should let you go cause you dont love him anymore and dont want to be "tired" again

Answer 7

I wouldn't waste a lot of time on him because its lost time that is gone you can't get it back and don't blame him later because you are in control now so decide to take responsibility and be responsible doesn't waste your life on him.

Answer 8

look honey right now he doesn't feel good about himself I went threw it , but my husband became abusive and well he complained about everything too, but when one day he got so violent I put his *** in jail for abuse, well don't go threw what I went threw, honey leave him let him go if he comes back then its meant to be , but be strong , put both feet on the ground show him that you don't need him unless he pulls his head out of his ***, the best of luck to you honey..

Answer 9

Ask him to seek professional help, if he does not then move on to something better.
Love like anything else has to be fed and nurtured. If you do not feed it with good things, then it will wither and die.

Answer 10

Always follow your heart. If you are happy stay if not leave.