How do I get my husband to tell the truth about smoking?

Question

We'll be married 5 yrs this Dec. He knew I didn't want to get involved with a smoker b/c my son and I have asthma & just the smell on clothes sometimes triggers it. He said he didn't smoke, & after we married I found out it was a lie. He'd look me in the eye & say he wasn't smoking, that his breath smelled b/c of other ppl around him smoking. Is that even possible?

I've had to resort to searching through our cars, & his clothes to see if he's still smoking. About 3 mths ago he had 2 pks of cigs in his jacket pocket & said they weren't his & he didn't know where it came from! He's asked me what he has to do to rebuild my trust, & I told him to "just be honest when he smokes". He says everytime he's caught he wants to quit, but he hasn't used anything (while I've been with him anyway).

I said I know his job is stressfull, & I'd be understanding if it was at work only, not often, & he tells me, but he's smoked @ the bar too.

Leaving him alone doesn't work either, I tried.

He doesn't smoke around us, but that doesn't change the fact that he's lying to me.. it still hurts. And we can't kiss anymore because of his breath. I'm at the point to where I don't see why I should be honest with him if he's not being honest with me.

Yes, he probably is afraid of me nagging or being disappointed in him.. but he knows it's much worse when he lies and I catch him. Just the other day I told him I knew he had cigarettes in his pocket (I found tobacco flakes) and I asked him to tell me the truth about whether or not he's smoking. After all, he's got the nasty smoke breath. He still insists he hasn't smoked or had cigarettes on him.

I've backed off conciderably since I found out about this originally about 5 yrs ago. I started out saying I want a divorce if he smokes period. Then I realized it IS a hard habit to break after watching my family try quitting. That's when about 1.5 yrs ago I said I understand it's hard and as long as it was only done at work if he REALLY needed to, and he told me about it.

Now, my question is: Is he telling the truth that his breath smells like cigarettes because of breathing in 2nd hand smoke from his co-workers?

Answer 1

My dad was a drinker when he and mom first married. She didnt realize how much he drank. She finally told him "alcohol or me" and he chose her. Maybe you could do the same type thing.

Answer 2

To quit smoking is very hard. And if he does not want to, it's impossible. You can suggest that he try the patch. I've heard it works well. But again, ONLY if he WANTS to quit. It doesnt sound as tho he does. Try to let him know that if he really wants to smoke that's one thing. But if he's gonna lie about it, that's something else. Perhaps you need a counselor to help reach an agreeable solution for you both.

Answer 3

Don't be too sad.
Quit smoking is hard, U can encourage him to cut down.
Ask him to brush his teeth before smoking!
He is afraid to tell U coz U will scold him or even nag.
Each of U give in!
He doesn't smoke around U is OK..

Answer 4

Ok smoking stinks..... but is he smoking around you and your son? Do you love him??? If he isnt smoking around the 2 of you there is no danger, the smell alone isnt going to hurt you. And if you do love him....you need to evaluate how much his smoking and lies weighs in against your love for him.

Answer 5

I would go with the above post tell him it is smoking or you....Unless he feels he can at-least start telling the truth....You have given him plenty of lee-way as far as telling him it was ok with work but he still chooses to lie....Now it is his decision to make.....

Answer 6

You cannot convince someone to be honest.
If you cannot handle the smoking, it is time to move on.

Answer 7

Sounds like you need to fire him and get a honest man.