Terms for your significant other……?

Question

Ok, I don’t know why, but the terms “partner”, and “lover” annoy me. Not anything against anyone who uses them, because I don’t want a lot of people chewing me out over something so trivial, but I just have always hated to hear someone gay use these to refer to their significant other. To me, it’s like straight people have “Husband”, and “Wife”, and we got stuck with “Partner”? I like the term “boyfriend”, or “girlfriend” much better, but what would you use when you moved into a permeate stage of you relationship more than just dating. Maybe I’m just weird, but it’s always been something I’ve hated. Anybody else feel this way, or am I just odd?

Ok, take what i said, and tack on what Shawn_Sunshine said, cause she said what i was trying to perfectly.

Well, I really hate “Lover” as much as I hate “Partner”. “Lover” sounds so sexually geared, like all you do is sleep together, and partner just for lack of a better term sounds so gay. I cant even explain why I dislike it so. Maybe it has something to do with how my family would make fun of gay people and say it like it was a bad thing, so to me it makes me think of something bad maybe? Freud would have a heyday with me. LOL It’s bad when I dislike something for no apparent reason. I duno. I do know that for whatever reason I dislike it, I’m not going to use either. If and hopefully when I find someone who I feel is more than a boyfriend, I’m just going to let people figure it out themselves, and if they do ask, I’ll just say that he is the love of my life. I sure hope I find someone who I can honestly say that about….

Answer 1

I was *just* having this open discussion on my blog the other day.

Partner sounds like you're on some business venture with the person.

Lover sounds like you're having an illicit affair.

Significant other sounds like it's half of you that is better than you, but is temporarily de-tached.

Girlfriend sounds like we're teenagers in puppy love. (Though I do use it.)

Friend just doesn't work because we're obviously more than friends.

I, like you, have struggled with this. Then again, I get people telling me to stop worrying about labels, but it still bugs the begeezus out of me!

Answer 2

That's not odd, I feel the same. I prefer the term girlfriend or boyfriend. As far as how serious the relationship is, I just rely on factors other than the label on the relationship to portray how deep the relationship is. Like if I'm out with that person, its usually pretty obvious that we have a very close relationship if we are talking about things we did years ago or finishing eachothers sentences and stuff. Or if the relationship is has not progressed to that point and you have to ask that person little things about themselves or their preferences on things you would have known already had you been closer or been with them longer. Or if someone asks how long you've been with that person and you tell them, then that gives them some indication of how serious you two are. But I don't really care for the term partner, and "lover" to me seems to imply that that person could be limited to only a sex partner just as easily as being something more and that's an implication I don't like to put on someone I really care about. Anyway, just screw the label altogether is what I say.

Answer 3

I use boyfriend. I've never had anything more serious than that, so it's something I intend to deal with, WITH my boyfriend, when I get there. That having been said, I do see the pros and cons. I'd call him a husband, but he's not. And I would feel like I was hiding my head in the sand or something if it's still not legal for me to marry him. And yet, I SHOULD be able to call him that, and have it mean the same thing as when any woman says it. I guess "signifcant other" is kind of neutral; straight people use that one fairly often. ::shrug::

Answer 4

Yeah I totally understand what you mean.. I however do use the word "Partner" I only do with people I have never met before because you never know how ones reaction will be!
When I talk to people I know, family, friends and I introduce her, I introduce her as my wife (we are engaged and will be making the trip to canada in 3 months)
Umm maybe you could throw i the word "life" so its "life partner" or call him your soul mate.. but you might think that is a little silly!
Sorry mate.. this is definately a tough one!

Answer 5

Okay I am a lesbian and I agree with you completely. I use girlfriend, wife or my better half. We are entitled to use the same terms as straight people. I have come to the point that I don't care if I offend someone by talking about the woman I love.

Answer 6

i have always called guys that i have been with my boyfriend. i don't care what people think. i am gay and they just have to accept it or get over it. partner and all of those other terms sound like business titles. if i was a cop or a lawyer, i might have a partner. however, not in a relationship. i have a boyfriend and don't mind telling people about it.

Answer 7

Yeah, I hate the term "Partner." It sounds like a sexual term rather than a relationship term.

I am still in the closet, so I don't go out with anyone, but I would use boyfriend.

Answer 8

I really like to use lover, I think it sounds so romantic. But girlfriend and boyfriend are fine for everyday. I think wife and husband work too, if you're married.

I still love lover. :-)~

Answer 9

I generally use girlfriend, if I dont want ppl to know for sure, because it keeps them guessing on wheter she is a friend or more. I will ocassionally use partner, when I am talking to older people, because I dont want to offend them, Irespect thier opinions, and I dont flaunt it infront of people. But I like to refer to her as my wife, we have been together for 4 years, and it feels like we are married, go knows the sex like is like we have been married 20 years ;)
I thionk it is unfair what we have to go though, I want to be equal, I want to be normal, and I just want it not to be a daily fight. I respect everyone opinion, but I think we need to just be equal, without persecution.

Answer 10

I use girlfriend, because even grown straight people use this term. And later, down the line, I'd like to use wife.