He admited to me when we first married that he cheated on his x-wife several times during their 12 yrs together. We have been married for 7 yrs and now he's cheated on me. Should I believe him when he says he made a mistake and will never cheat again because he loves me? Can a cheater really stop?
2006-07-12 18:06:50 · 31 answers · asked by robielee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
old habits are hard to change.
if he really loves you he would not have cheated on you in the first place while knowing the act will hurt you.
2006-07-12 18:13:39 · answer #1 · answered by tankee531 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think a cheater can really stop cheating. What makes you think that a simple saying of, "i love you," can simply stop some1 from cheating with all this access we have these days?!...
No, it can't! Look, how many times did your man cheat on his ex-wife as they were married?! I bet her told her that he loved her TOO , even while he was cheating. So, just saying that , honey, don't mean a thing to him. T here is no way for sur eyopu are going to know everyday when you wake up, whether or not, he cheated on you, because there is no way for sure how to tell if he is lying or not.
Now, he can be telling u the honest to god truth, but u may still not be able to believe him. So, i suggest that you try to work things out, (maybe even take some time apart...or if you wish- DROP HIM, AND HIS ACT!. b/c he if he truely respects you, he would never attempt to cheat while knowing it will hurt you...but then again his habits are hard to change..)
But, you are going to always suspect him for *cheating* and it is going to put stress on the relatioship whether or not he is tell you the truth. So, in my best suggestion, drop it, and get out. You can do better, and there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Find some1 who respects you and your wishes, some1 you can honestly trust!* *Best Wishes 2 you*
*- HELPING IN NEW JERSEY-*
2006-07-13 01:24:52 · answer #2 · answered by ange 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. 1st of all the fact that he admitted to cheating on his wife and they were married that long is suprising. I would have been really skeptical of getting married w/ a record like that. I know its hard when you're in love. Betrayal is the worst. I believe a cheater can stop. I have seen it. But in this case he has to really prove himself. I wish he knew how hard it is to trust someone once they have lied and betrayed u. Listen to your heart and mind. You know what to do. He obviously has a problem and cant keep it in his pants. And im pretty sure he's not young acting like a stray dog. Sorry. Let him know how u feel on the trust thing. Love is not what hes showing u. Its been 7 years but life is too short 2 settle for one that doesnt respect his vows. And there are too many diseases. Its not even worth it. Good luck & God bless
2006-07-13 01:20:45 · answer #3 · answered by da_original1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, NO, NO. Did I say NO?
Hon, If you can`t be trusted with minor stuff you can`t be trusted with major stuff. How many times does he have to cheat, Before you get it?
He cheated on her, he cheated on you.. How many times does he cheat before you figure out that he will cheat again and again and again?
This telling you, is a control thing. he tells you and then he is oh very sorry, You are his whole world, he can`t live without you. You be all sweet and nice and make snookums with him . He will be so nice and caring and thoughtful and sweet and you just know he is really never gonna do it again, Then the next thing you know here you go again. He is running a pattern.
It is something he is doing repetitive. Over and over again. it doesn`t matter WHO he cheats on. He is a liar and a cheater.. Cheater are liars. He lied to you every minute of the day.. Everytime he took you in his arms he was lying. Everytime he looked you in the eye he was lying..
You deserve to truly be loved and respected and the FIRST in your man`s life. You won`t find it there with him, EVER. And Hon, God made us each special and unique and for each of us he made someome equally uniqe and special. HOWEVER, Your special one can`t get to you while you are mired in this mess.. I will be praying for you..
One last thing, If he cheated with this one, How many others has he cheated with? You can`t believe anything he tells you..
God bless & Hugs from Texas. {:-)
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2006-07-13 01:19:00 · answer #4 · answered by jaantoo1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some can some just want to see what else is out there and then once they realize that they don't want anything other than what they have they stop and sometimes if you let them cheat meaning if you tell them to go ahead and cheat they will stop but not all the time other men have no cure for cheating.
2006-07-13 01:25:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. It sounds like he may be a sex addict and perhaps you guys should do some research and get some information to see if he is one or not. You your instincts on this one, and don't listen to whatever he says because he'll lie and use every trick in the book to deny it and somehow blame you and then make YOU feel guilty even though HE'S the lying, cheating sack of s***. Believe me, I was married to one of these types.
2006-07-13 01:13:07 · answer #6 · answered by sunny1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the reasons that why has he been cheating , what was the main reason ! only on knowing that u can decide that u should forgive him or not !Secondly, if you love him and feel he is not just a part of your life but your life , make him realise how much you have been hurt and if he confesses them , ask him if he had loved you , than why did he cheat you ?IF he gives any justified answers to this , you should forgive him but always be cautious and Wid your love , he can improve but you got to be very careful to avoid heart breaks in future! God bless you !
2006-07-13 01:17:07 · answer #7 · answered by devanshi s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a cheater can stop being a cheater if he sees something worthwhile and after he sees what he would miss if he loses you. he would wise up and starting kissing ur booty and worshipping the ground u walk on.
just make sure that you are on ur P's and Q's at all times with him if you ever THINK that he might be cheating on you. there should b no doubts in ur mind that he is cheating on u
2006-07-13 01:13:41 · answer #8 · answered by Lil' One 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a cheater can stop, but they have to want to stop. its all up to you if you can bring yourself around to trust him agian or not. you would know best if thats even a possibility. i cheated once on my hubby, he found out but he did come back and get over it and now we are happier than we have ever been. you never really know someone till you've seen them at their worst. when you've seen him on bad days, if you still love him enough to take them for what they are, bad days, in order to keep the good ones then by all means go for it. the longer that someone has been cheating though the harder it is for them to stop. goodluck friend.
2006-07-13 01:12:33 · answer #9 · answered by n4il_p0lish2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you two discuss on this issue, don't just say 'ok i believe you.' and that's the end. you have to tell him to lay down everything including the consequences. Meaning, don't just take him back for nothing. declare out loud if similar things happen again you won't take him back anymore. so that he would know immediately what will be the consequences he will run into, and not thinking you would forgive him one more time.
on your part, maybe you also have to ponder, if you have miss something. a contented man will not look for another, only those who think they are missing something. try to pin point out what it is.... concern? not taking care of him enough? didn't show much affection? or sexual appetite. try to fill in the gap.
2006-07-13 01:33:55 · answer #10 · answered by Meakness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um, no. If it was a one time deal, maybe, but several times with the ex-wife over a 12 year span and gosh knows how many times during your 7 years of marriage? Kick him to the curb and get tested for STD's, woman. He doesn't love you, he loves himself far too much to have enough left over for you! He just doesn't want a divorce and lose half of everything (AGAIN) or have to pay alimony(AGAIN). Like you'd stay if he said, "I love having lots of sex with indiscriminate strangers and I'm going to keep doing it, but I can't afford a divorce." "I love you and I'll never do it again" sounds way better. Don't fall for it!
2006-07-13 01:14:53 · answer #11 · answered by mytreacheryiseternal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋