If this is the right guy for me, then why does it hurts so much?

Question

Am i too idealistic? Or do i expect too much? I dont think so. Have you been hurt but cant get yourself out of the relationship?

Answer 1

Possibly because you're afraid of your family.

Answer 2

You're hurt because you have instilled the idea that "this is the right guy for you" hence... "this is the only guy for you, or soulmate." They are idealistic thoughts, but the feelings that follow are real and harsh. Mostly because idealistic lovers subconciously believe that if they are not meeting their significant other's expectations, or vice versa, is there really anybody out there for them at all. Most of the hurt is introverted, and they tend to get angry at themselves more than anyone else. The best thing to believe is that there really is not one person out there for anybody, but everyone has potential to become your ideal match. Relationships don't just "happen" and work like fairy tales, they all take communication and compromise. And you'll find the most fulfilling ones are those that may not be perfect, but where each person respects the other and shows an attempt to compromise and trusts that the other reciprocates. The best relationshiops are built out of ones with tiny failures here and there that have been "worked out." Those failures help keep the relationship feeling "real" as opposed to a fairy tale, and reminds the idealist that relationships require work and maintenance. Keep certain standards about their behaviour (abusiveness, cheating, smoking, stuff like that) and if those standards are broken, you know they are not reciprocating... and you should really move on to find the next relationship.

Answer 3

I don't know how is this guy treating you? In any relationship, one can never be too idealistic. Everybody behave differently, you can't expect the guy behave the way you wants him to be, it will end up that both of you may have more fights and quarrels.

Have you seriously think over about your relationship with the guy? I can't give too much of advice to you as I have not been in similiar situation before and I don't know what is the actually happen between you and the guy. But just a word of advice is that you need to think over this relationship before you made any decision.

Answer 4

I got out of the relationship and I still have had trouble letting go. He hurt me more than anyone ever did. I loved him more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. I suppose that is why the pain was so overwhelming.

You are NOT too idealistic and NO you do not expect too much! Never accept anything LESS than what you have to offer. You deserve to be adored and respected and not hurt. If it hurts it isn't love!

Answer 5

I am in that same situation right now. I understand how you feel. I have been dealing with it for about 4 months now.

The best thing that is working for me now is to just seperate for a little while and TRY being friends to c how that pans out. and then you guys can sit down and analyze ur relationship after that time apart.

try talkin to other people and see how that feels

if you and that person were meant for each other you can always find each other again and everything will be better than before

Answer 6

You are hurting only because you give true love. Perhaps your partner fail to realize the value of what you are giving but that does not mean you can no longer be happy. If truly what you desire is to give unconditional love that require nothing in return, then all you need is to refocus your mindset and you will be alright. If, on the other hand, you are unable to get out of the relationship only because you have invested so much time, love, and effort, then take a deep breath and just leave. You have to love your self and understand your intentions for you to be able to gauge fairly the parameters of your relationship and the boundaries of what you can give. Life is too short to surrender all time to one not worth your definition of your very existence. Rest assured there are others out there who are in constant search of someone like you who is able to give true love. There are a lot like you out there. That is what love is all about. And there are many who are in love.... Thus the adage goes... only fools rush in.... and yet being in love is worth every while. Best regards to you.... beegee

Answer 7

Yup. Part of being an adult is realizing that being alone is better than being in a crappy relationship. Another part of being an adult is accepting at least 50 percent of the blame. I've had crappy exes, but in restrospect I made the decision to stay with them, and put up with their crap. It's not all their fault, as I stayed with them, and let them do what they did.

The thing about a crappy relationship is at the time, you may think you can't live without a person, or that your life will be horrible without them. After it ends, and you wait a few months, you find yourself wondering sometimes, why you were wasting your time with that person anyway.

Never waste time caring about someone who doesn't care enough about you to be kind to you.

Answer 8

Yes you can get yourself out anytime but the question is do you want to??? What makes the realtionship hurt so bad? What are your expectations in a relationship?

Answer 9

Sweetie,
It's time to let go of HIM and start looking at you. Don't expect any less of him than you expect from yourself.Too many times we expect another person to fill in the gaps -and that just isn't the right match.
Look at your strong points-does he enhance them? or is he expecting you to fill in where his character doesn't? I spent the better part of 20 yrs with a man that I thought I could 'fix'-had two wonderful girls and finally realized 9 years ago that I would rather die than spend another 20 years living as I did. It's been hard on the girls in many aspects, but it's also given them direction-and strength-HE always loved them-as did I -but I wasted a lot of years expecting him to grow up, and that won't ever happen when he thinks you're going to fill in the blanks......Find someone who is your best friend first- Your best friend knows you, wouldn't expect you to change for them and wouldn't expect you to 'fix them'.

Don't waste your life on someone who hurts you. Life is far too short to spend it hurting-I spent so much effort trying to 'fix' the relationship that I almost lost ME. 9 years later, I'm me again, and still piss my daughters off, but they still know who loves them and who is there for them...I will not cowtow to anyone who can't accept who I am, nor would I expect anyone to change for me..........love is acceptance- but from BOTH parties-one person will never fill in the gaps for another-that would be co-dependency-and it's just sick rotation keeping you from doing better. WISH you the best!

Answer 10

it is normal to have expectations of your ideal man. Sometimes one can set them too high and sometimes we choose to settle for way less. I've been w/ mine for 7 years.Hes everything i've ever wanted and more. But we're going through something right now. I know he needs me cause he's going through stuff but we have an issue also.(see my question) Love has its ups and downs but i feel if it is hurting u too bad than its not right for you.W/ me a part of me wants to leave but i couldnt imagine life w/o him. Depending on the situation sometimes one has to find the courage to do what may hurt them right not but will benefit them in the long run. Good luck.

Answer 11

if it hurts you shouldn't be with him, did he hit you? is he being verbally abusive? what is going on here? if he's really the right guy he wouldn't want to ever hurt you, i know you hurt the ones you love the most but this really doesn't sound like a good thing for you. if you can't get over his past mistakes its best to just end it now and stop wasting everyones time.