I'm 24 and newly divorced. I was only married for 14 months, and have taken back my maiden name. Can I say that I'm single instead of divorced? I feel as if my divorce has allowed my life to start over, and saying divorce is just hanging onto the past.
2006-07-12 17:18:46 · 47 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Very simple...you're single and divorced! You're divorced, because you were married, but now you're not...and you're single because you're not presently married. Just because you're divorced, doesn't mean that you're single, and just because someone is single, it doesn't mean that they're not divorced... Even if you get married again in the future, you're still going to be divorced, (from spouse #1) that will never go away, but you will no longer be single--get it? You can tell people whatever you like--it's nobody's business, UNLESS and UNTIL you become romantically involved with someone--then you owe them the entire truth, of course! And, for the record, telling the world that you're divorced is in no way hanging onto the past--it happened, it was part of your life, now that part is over, and you're moving to the next chapter...don't minimize the importance of your past, learn from your experience, celebrate the good parts, and accept the bad parts so that you can truly move on, and not be a slave to the past.
Good luck!!
2006-07-12 17:40:42 · answer #1 · answered by gingerlilly 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
That depends on how you perceived your former marriage. Whether it was just 14 months or 14 days, if you had seriously considered yourself 'married' once, the 'divorce' now is then appropriate.
If you think divorce is a new chapter, acknowledging the 'divorce' status helps to move things on. Be aware that 'denial' is a silent killer.
A peek into my own story:
I was 'married' (only legally married, but not gone through customary ceremony - as in Chinese tradition) for merely 6 mths and separation took place. Even that I did not lived with my former husband, I was on the 'separation' for 3 years, before the divorce took place. Now, am I considered single or divorce?
I select in options when filling up forms, as 'single', however on government paper, I would select 'divorce' as necessity to conform. So, if you think you are more comfortable to introduce yourself as 'Single', by all means do it. There is no need for us to amplify the divorce, and feed into others curiosity.
2006-07-12 17:29:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're both. For official documents that ask that question, I would check divorced (or nothing at all because other than tax documents, that question is usually optional). As far as talking to people, it's your choice to divulge your past or not. You ARE technically single now, so you can say it. Just don't screw up any documents that might get you into trouble later, even if it just means filling them out again. It will save you the headache to just check "divorced" and move on instead of getting a notice in the mail that some company's records show you as "divorced" instead of "single"
2006-07-12 17:24:14 · answer #3 · answered by romantemple16 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorced is the proper answer per all the etiquette books & advice columns. A single person is one who has never been married.
I was divorced for a terrific 13 years in which I raised my children, went to college and started a new career. Then I married husband #2. What a mistake. We dated for 2 years & seemed very compatible, but once we were married, all his promises vanished. The truth came slowly. He had put 28K into the pot to buy land and build our house. Told me it was his money and he had a lot more in savings. This convinced me he really did have savings put away, even though he owned no house and was living at his mother's. I sold my house and put my profit into the new house - the dream house I had been saving for. Three months after we were married, his mother sat us down and informed us that he no longer had to repay the $28,000 loan she had given him - it was now her wedding gift to us. Guess she didn't know he had told me it was his money. What a big lie!
He promised to never lie again. But - here we are a few years later and the lies never stop. Promises are freely made and never kept. Soon I will be twice Divorced. But not lonely - will have more time to spend with my family and friends.
2006-07-13 10:48:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are single and divorced. There are times you will say, I am single. There are times you will say, I am divorced. There are times you will say, I am divorced and single. You are starting life over and the past is the past. But your "new" life includes a divorce and although it is over, it is still an event that is part of your history and can not be negated though it need not be the focal point of your new single life. Best wishes to a happier future. The future is yours to carve out a new life. Choose wisely, choose well.
2006-07-12 17:49:41 · answer #5 · answered by lindakflowers 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your official (read: legal) status is divorced. If you represent yourself as single and the person you are dating later finds out you were married (and therefore have an EX -- read: baggage), you might find yourself out of a relationship. Some men, regardless that the woman they are dating was only married for 14 months and took back her maiden name, would want to know about a past marriage. And regardless of the short duration of your marriage and taking back your middle name, you ARE carrying baggage from that marriage that anyone you are seriously dating (or considering) has a right to know about.
If I was dating a man and I found out he had been married when he told me he was single, I would consider him a liar.
2006-07-12 17:40:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am somewhat offended by the "divorced" label too. I am single and I'm 48. I was married for 10 long, arduous years. The only value in anyone knowing if I'm divorced or never married is for government statistics - why else would anyone but the government or a future husband care?
2006-07-12 17:23:12 · answer #7 · answered by MillwoodsGal 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Divorced.
2006-07-12 17:21:07 · answer #8 · answered by pgufs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No saying single is telling a lie right from the start of a relationship. Better to say divorced to be up front about it. No need to explain when the relationship gets deeper. Isn't that a relief?
2006-07-12 20:13:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
SINGLE - unattached, one
DIVORCED - no longer married, single
You fit both descriptions. You are single by definition and you are divorced by definition.
I was married for 5 1/2 years and when we divorced I took back my maiden name. When people asked I told them I was single since I wasn't with anyone.
If they inquired further, then I would share with them I was divorced AS WELL.
I am now remarried.
2006-07-12 17:23:36 · answer #10 · answered by I love my husband 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋