I'm sorry for taking up your time, but I'm getting a bit desperate for reviews on my story. If anyone wants to read a good story and is nice enough to read mine, I would be forever grateful. Please leave a review if you do, because I need feedback. Thanks for your time, whether you read it or not. Review on the site, please. The link is here: http://www.fictionpress.com/read.php?storyid=2142264 . Thanks again either way.
2006-07-12 16:42:08 · 5 answers · asked by midnightmarshmallow 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Other - Entertainment
I think it's a nice story.
It's clear you put time and effort into it. I'm not even a fan of romantic-type literature, but I thought this was an easy read. What I like most about your style is that you use simple language to convey your complex messages- why use 100 words when you can use 10? I like that.
I would say the only change(s) you need to make are small. Did you think out the names of characters? Have you consulted the a name dictionary to see what names mean? That might be good- instead of using the typical names in romantic fiction, you could find synonymous names that are just as effective. Also, you might want to be more descriptive- more show, less tell.
You've got something good going, don't know how long it took you to work on it but it sounds great so far. Keep up the good work. :)
2006-07-12 16:48:55 · answer #1 · answered by lookdontlook 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't mean to come off sounding evil/ bad or whatever... you said you wanted feedback, but as I was reading it... I couldn't help but feel that your story was a modern retelling of, "The Phantom of The Opera (?!)." Heck, even the female protagonist character' name is, "Christine!"
Having said that, good effort all-round, for a first chapter, it seems rather promising. Something suited for a young, teenage demographic i.e. Sweet Valley High.
2006-07-13 00:14:36 · answer #2 · answered by ViRg() 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very skillful writing-the only piece of advice I would offer is something my english teacher constantly pounded into our heads-replace some of the less descriptive words like "do" and "going." It will sound even better. If you skim through and find any word that sounds boring, use thesaurus.com to help replace it. Otherwise, great job.
2006-07-12 23:49:16 · answer #3 · answered by kid_at_heart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please contiune with the story. It is very good. A very easy read . I tis light and crisp. I like how you quickly you had given your main characters there depth. Please contiune I need know what happens will she go on the date, or will she not.?
2006-07-13 00:05:58 · answer #4 · answered by bleacherbrat34 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your grammar and syntax need work but your concept is actually pretty good.
2006-07-13 00:03:04 · answer #5 · answered by Midwestgal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋