Im trying 2 understand myself so I can stop making the same mistakes. i have prayed 2 god for a nice guy but have gotten all the bad ones? what am i doing wrong? either im attracting them 2 me subconsciously or just settling 4 anyone or good men dont want me and if so then why? i have a lot 2 offer Im:
a virgin
college educated
pretty
nice figure
kind & good hearted
faithful
etc...
if i have all this why arent the good guys attracted 2 me? do they only like the bad girls?
I know i have a pbm, could it be cuz once i find out the guy is not what i want or mistreats me I dont know how to break it off, have feelings by then or feel obligated 2 stay with him cuz im afraid of abandonment at all cost? and wouldnt want the same done to me? i know im not making sense....
2006-07-12 15:47:11 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Because you are still a girl and not a woman. Girls like "bad guys" woman like the "good guys". In evolution the real alpha male is the one that can provide security and stability so genes have the best chances to pass on. When women are young they think with their head and heart seeing a wild tough guy as a way to protect them physically. When the hormones take over a woman and the clock goes ticking she goes for the best provider.
2006-07-12 16:36:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem...You can't jump or even have a relationship with anyone till after you go through your cleansing period..that depends upon how old you are and how many guys you have already gon through now...Minimal is a year... Mind you if you want sex then have a one nighter with someone in another city you will never see again and DO NOT give out your # or let them know where you live or your friend or know where they live NOTHING it is called a cleansing and a one nighter...then after you get straight... just keep doing the normal and all of a sudden you will meet that guy in the coffee shop of somewhere mine was a crystal shop of all places and I saw him again the next day I said hello and asked what he was doing that weekend he said something about some movie I said I was going to see that one too he asked if I would like to go with him and we went on from there ..I waited a whole week before I had sex with him after a year and a half that was good.... anyway.. He just wound up being the guy. and I felt it because I was cleansed to be able to have felt it also... which is what ya need to do ....Good Luck on you trying coarse..
2006-07-12 23:06:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps there is another way to look at this instead of trying to understand why you are attracted to the bed men. I would suggest refocusing your attention on the qualities you really want in a man.
It is kind of silly (and can have very painful consequences) but people are more particular about the cars and clothing they buy than they are about the people that the eventually date. Here is an example.
If money was no object and you could by any type of car in the world, what would you buy. Let's say that your answer was: I would buy a brand new BMW M6 Convertible with a red exterior paint job and white leather seats. It would have a JBL stereo system, GPS navigation system, Lo-jack anti-theft recovery system, and 19" light alloy wheels. If this was your dream car, would you settle for a 1997 red Chrysler Sebring Convertible with stained white seats, a broken roof, no GPS, a factory basic AM/FM cassette stereo (which eats the cassettes!) and a loud muffler? Probably not.
When it comes to who he date, we are prone to letting our emotions dictate our actions in ways that don't happen when buying a car. Many of us dream to date the "brand new BMW" guy or girl and yet we settle for the "1997 red Chrysler Sebring Convertible" guy or girl because our paths met and they were available. They might have had "a new paint job" or "new tires" so something about that person attracted us but, deep down, we know that it is not what we really need or want. We even allow our emotions to block out the flashing red warning lights which tell us that this relationship cannot possibly work and we will probably be hurt.
I suggest that you write a list of all the qualities you are looking for in a man and rank each quality on a scale of 1 - 5 rating of the importance of each quality. Using your list of your description as an example, the ranking might look like this:
a virgin (4)
college educated (4)
handsome (3)
nice figure (3)
kind & good hearted (5)
faithful (5)
In other words, it is essential that he is good, kind hearted and faithful, It is pretty important that he be college educated and a virgin and you would like him to be handsome and fit....
Now make another list of all the qualities which will disqualify a man. That list might look like this:
Physically/Emotionally/Sexually Abusive
Unfaithful
Can't hold a job
Treats me with less respect than he treats his friends, family and coworkers...
Notice that there is not a ranking here - these would just be completely unacceptable in any relationship.
When you date a man, be on the lookout for the qualities that you are looking for and the qualities that you will not tolerate. You might not find a man with all the qualities you are looking for but you can come very close. Do not waste your time with those who have the negative qualities which can hurt you because you WILL be hurt - every time.
You might also want to make a list of all the good and bad qualities of the last long-term relationship(s) that you were in. Write all the good traits on one side and all of the bad traits on the other side. Once you have finished your lists, read each trait using the following format: My ideal mate is a man who...
Your good traits list might seem very nice:
My ideal mate is a man who can charm me with his words.
My ideal mate is a man who knows how to cook great dinners.
My ideal mate is a man who loves to be with me.
My ideal mate is a man who makes me feel safe and secure.
Who wouldn't want a mate with positive traits like that? The answer is those whose men who also have one or more of these negative traits:
My ideal mate is a man who is physically/sexually/emotionally abusive to me.
My ideal mate is a man who disrespects me in front of friends and family.
My ideal mate is a man who cheats on me.
My ideal mate is a man who will not communicate with me and always yells at me.
Isn't it amazing at the crap we put up with? It doesn't always seem silly until you put the behavior in the phrase: My ideal mate is a man/woman who...
Make sure that you don’t end up on the negative quality list of a good guy and you will find a good man to love you - one who you can love in return.
I hope that this advice will help you to find a man who truly love you and captures your heart.
All the best to you!
2006-07-12 23:29:29 · answer #3 · answered by mgctouch 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girls love bad guys. It's got to do with evolution. The bad boys are usually the ones who are "confident" enough to know they can get away being who they are, and you are attracted to them because they are the "alpha males".
Bad boys having the alpha male trait means that your child will have a better chance at that leadership quality as well, and so you want the best for your child.
It's all subconscious though.
And if you want to know more, look for stuff under "evolutionary psychology".
2006-07-12 22:49:55 · answer #4 · answered by ymingy@sbcglobal.net 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My friend has this issue to. She is really attracted to "thugish" men but the ones she dates are bad men, they cheat, lie, steal, treat her badly. She sees it, but she can't conquer her attraction to thugs so she keeps telling herself the next one will be different, but he never is.
Look at the type of men you date and then date someone totally different. There are good men out there, unfortunatly, alot of them are more shy and reserved.
If anyone hits you or abuses you, you should get the F*** out of there because if you stay, that is only going to be bad. No one has the right to hit you and you don't have to put up with that. If he doesn't respect you enough to not hit you, what happens when he gets horny? Is he going to respect your decesion to wait?
Alot of guys pray on gentle women, you have to date gentle men. As I tell my friend, "you have to have a certain mentality to date bad boys, and to do it, yoiui have to be a B*tch.
2006-07-12 23:10:19 · answer #5 · answered by Greg P 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bad boys represent excitement and that hint of danger. Good to play with,bad life mates. Are you looking at the good guys at all or are you fixated on turning a bad boy good??? Create the space for what you want. Smile at different types of guys and date some. Peace
2006-07-12 23:05:48 · answer #6 · answered by wildrover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to go to a codependency self hellp group. You also need to develop self confidence to the point that you can feel comfortable by yoursellf in a roomful of strangers. Yes, it is possible. Bad guys usually feel insecure as you do and you may be tuning in on that. But it is the blind trying to lead the blind.
2006-07-12 23:09:40 · answer #7 · answered by Elwood 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The last paragraph is definitely the answer to your question and I know it sounds cliche but let it come to you. Also, if you do not know hot to break it off and hang on to a bad guy, you'll date guys like him.
2006-07-12 22:51:54 · answer #8 · answered by uglyvanity 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
see my answer to your previous question. It seems like all you have is man problem. You need to focus on yourself and forget about those losers. Stir in the right direction with your education and let them see that you have potential. WO/MEN don't waste your time.
2006-07-12 22:53:58 · answer #9 · answered by Reidi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You dont have to kiss a guys *** to have a boyfriend.
Bad Boys want you to do that...nice guys could care less
2006-07-13 00:38:14 · answer #10 · answered by ate up 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋