does any one know a good jokes? any kind of joke what so ever?

Answer 1

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse fall's into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.
The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.

He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.

The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story:

If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

..............................i hope u liked it.................................................

Answer 2

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale."

He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger, so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff!"

Answer 3

2 priests go 4 a shower late 1 night, they undress and step in to the shower before they realise there is no soap.
Father John goes 2 his room 2 get some, not bothering to get dressed he rushes down the hallway to his room and grabs 2 bars of soap,1 in each hand and he heads back to the showers.
Halfway down the hall he hears 3 nuns coming along so he pretends to be a statue.
The nuns comment on how lifelike the statue looks and the 1st nun touches his manhood,,, startled, the priest drops a bar of soap,, "oh look" she says "its a soap dispenser" the 2nd nun gives it a try and the priest drops the other bar of soap, so the 3rd nun gives it a tug and nothing happens,she tries again and yet nothing, frustrated she gives it a few more tugs then yells "oh look, it gives out hand lotion too"

Answer 4

there was a little boy who asked his mother if he could have a bike for Christmas. She said well son i don't know you haven't been a very good boy this year why don't you go write a letter to Jesus and ask him for it. So the little boy goes up stairs and starts writing his letter. "Dear Jesus i have been a very good boy this year" the little boy looks at what he wrote and crumbles it up because he knows Jesus is not going to believe him so he starts again " Dear Jesus i have been a ok boy this year" once again he knows Jesus is not going to believe him so decides to do something else. He runs down to the church on the corner looks around and when no one is there grabs the mother Mary statue loads it on his wagon and pulls it home. He starts to write another letter " Dear Jesus i have your mother if you ever want to see her again i will need that bike for Christmas "

Answer 5

My uncle was a colonel in the French Foreign Legion, and was sent to Africa to turn around an outpost with low moral and a high desertion rate. When he got there, he called the men together and asked them, "What is the worst problem here?"

"Spotted snakes, sir!" It turns out, there were hundreds of poisonous spotted snakes around the camp, that would slither into tents and sleeping bags, and were killing men and making others sick. My uncle listened to the problems, and told them he would have a solution in a day.

The next day, he called the men back together. He stood up in front of them and said, "Men, you told me yesterday that the problem was spotted snakes. Well, here is the answer!" And he pulled out a spotted snake. The men pulled back, but he gestured with his free hand. "Now watch. We'll handle these snakes by the numbers. On the count of one, you grap them with your left hand as I did, right behind the head. On the count of two, you grab them down low. On the count of three, you slide your left hand up tight, and with the count of four..." And he popped the snakes head off. He gave the men 48 hours of leave to go snake hunting, and for the next few days, all he could hear in camp was popping sounds. Morale rose, and within a month the base was happy.

It was about this time that he saw one of the soldiers in sickbay, covered in bandages from head to toe. "My God, what happened son?"

"Spotted snake, sir."

"What?"

"Well, I was in my dugout, sir, when I saw a spotted snake slowly drop in with me. So, on the count of ine, I grabbed hugh, on the count of two I grabbed low, on the count of three I slid my hand up, and on the count of four, I popped... and can you imagine me sitting there with my thumb up a tiger's ***?"

Answer 6

How is a French woman like a professional basketball player??
A: They take a shower after 4 periods!!

Answer 7

A woman went fishing with 5 men. She came home with a red snapper.

Answer 8

There are two blondes by a river, one on each side.

Worried, the first one yells over to her blonde friend:
"What should I do? I don't know how to get to the other side!"

Her friend yells back:
"Don't worry, you're already on the other side!"

Answer 9

a blonde and a brunette walking down the street behind a guy with dandruff ,think he should get head n shoulders brunette said, blonde replied how do you give shoulders

Answer 10

american's have finally given up on there global take over bid.ye im joking.