Help?! What do I tell my husband to make him trust me ??

Question

We are young newlyweds and I have never lied to him once in our 2 years of relationship. We have/had great trust. I love him very much and do a lot for him and he gives that love and appreciation back to me. The things is, I know this may sound stupid and childish but it is what it is.
He has a hateful passion towards myspace. he really doesnt like it, anyhow I used to use it all the time and then we got into an arguement about it and i flat out told him I would never use it or go on it again and i PROMISED him. well that was stupid of me because first, that was a dumb thing for him to tell me not to do and second i knew i wouldnt be able to keep this promise, anyhow, i "secretly" have been going on it for a few months now and he just found out
So he is very upset now, and will not talk to me about it. he says how can i ever trust you again, i cant beleive you etc.. he is LIVID.. how do i tell him i didnt mean to hurt him and he should be able to trust me?? thank you so much

I use it to talk with my friends, not people i dont know, so i wasnt using it for the wrong reasons or anything that he wouldnt like

Answer 1

You should of never lied to him. You can't tell him anything to trust you again, you have to show him by what you do. Trust is one of the hardest things to rebuild, lying is not worth the price. Have you heard about Myspace on tv, it is getting people into a lot of trouble. Talk to your friends on yahoo, hotmail or aim messengers. I hope you can get his trust back or it is history for you both.

Answer 2

What was your husband's reason for insisting you not go on myspace? The funny thing about this is I've read a hundred stories similar to this- although it usually involves a husband that was caught by his wife looking at pornography after telling her he'd stop.
In such a case, it is usually because the person that demands that their significant other not look / log on / whatever, because they feel insecure. It's a "why do they need to do that? aren't I enough?" sort of thing.
Even though your husband has been told you're just talking to friends, he doesn't trust you. You kept a promise that you knew you'd break, and you must have know you would eventually be caught.
So here's the thing, you and your husband have to talk.
He tells you why he doesn't want you on there (a legitimate reason, don't let him get away with "it's stupid" or some half-assed remark), and you tell him why you like to go on there so much. Honesty is important here.

He is likely insecure and feels like you are going to meet someone online, and have an affair with them.

He needs to be reassured and you shouldn't make promises you know you won't keep. Breaking promises won't earn his trust, and you can't say he should be able to trust you when he catches you in a lie.

Trust is the most important part of a relationship - especially marriage. If you don't have that, it won't last.

Answer 3

Well, the fact is you lied to him. If what he was asking was extreme and too much to ask from you, you should have never agreed to it. What's done is done though and you broke a promise and hid what you were doing from him. Actions speak louder than words and what yours said was that you can't be trusted. There is no quick fix for this. Trust is something that has to be earned, and it is especially hard to earn back after you hurt somebody. If you really, truly understand this, tell him. Let him know that you will do your best to never lie again even if the truth isn't what he wants to hear. He will be untrusting for a long time, at least I would be, but if you keep your word and are honest and patient with him he may trust again. The size of the lie isn't the issue, this obviously means alot to him and you broke your word. It isn't that you shouldn't go on myspace, but you need to be honest. Next time he wants something from you that you don't think you can do, tell him that. You may fight, you may be unhappy, but the issue will resolve it's self one way or the other alot quicker than trying to rebuild a torn relationship and broken heart.

Answer 4

Almost the same thing happened in my relationship so I can relate. I'll give you his point of view since I'm a guy. You CANNOT tell a guy (or anyone for that matter) that you won't do it and then do it behind their back. That is wrong. No if's or but's about it. What you should've said is that you don't agree with him not letting you go into myspace, etc.

Now. He doesn't trust you because in his mind he wonders what other things you are or have been hiding. There's NOTHING you can tell your husband to MAKE him trust you. Nothing can MAKE anyone trust you again. All you can do is not lie to him and eventually he'll see that either a) He made a huge deal out of nothing b) lying about myspace doesn't mean you're going to lie about other more important things c) lying about myspace was an indication that you will lie and hide other things or d) he will kinda forget you, but it will always come up.

Trust is the hardest thing to gain back. So, my suggestion is to do things right, don't lie, and don't agree to something you can't follow through.

Answer 5

You can shut down myspace, for starters, but not before you take him on a tour and show that you've been using it benignly. You might also explain to him that you underestimated how much you enjoy being in social situations on the computer, and you just didn't realize the pull it has on you.

The idea that you didn't tell him, just went on and did it in secret, that actually says quite a lot about where you 2 are in your relationship. Now, maybe he should be more trusting of you, but there are a lot of folks who come here for "benign" reasons, at the beginning, but wind up meeting someone and then not knowing what to do about it. So his fears are actually warranted, regardless of how maturely he's handling it. He saw it as a possible danger in your relationship, and you going on and doing it in secret anyway only proves he was correct.

Answer 6

He has the right to be livid, you flat up lied to him and then went behind his back and did it anyway. In turn making him feel like a child with no power over being the man of the house.

Whether you are there to chat with friends or not is not the issue, the issue is MySpace is known for problems, issues with people, etc. Just like AOL was years ago.

I have been on the web for the past 12 years. I have seen 100's of people get together, I have seen 100;s of them separate. I have seen about 30 get married and I've seen 29 of them get a divorce. The root cause to all their problems and hell....a computer. The one couple that didn't get a divorce...they were smart. They both ditched the computers.

What is more important to you.....typing on a plastic box and staring at a screen blindly or spending time with your husband?

If you were my wife and you lied to me over such a topic specially when its known as a place for people to "hook up".

Your bags would be packed and you wouldn't be spending the night at my house anymore.

If you want to chat with friends get an instant messenger, a cell phone with free long distance, or just email.

They use to say money was the root of all evil.....now it is the computer that has taken over that root position.

Answer 7

First of all, dont ever promise something you dont intend to keep. He will now wonder what other secrets you are keeping. That is how the suspicious human mind works!

If you are sincere about him, DO NOT go on myspace again. You will have to decide if your friends or your husband is more important.

If you want to chat with your friends do so in a chat room like chatzy.com where you control who goes there. First, make sure your hubby doesnt mind that.

Answer 8

Well you have yourself in a pickle now...
when you made the promise, you should have kepted that promise cause he is your husband...sorry but i have to go with him on this one.
If you love him as much as you say...you would have respected that he did not want you on that site. My husband HATES that site and he just found out I was on it, let me tell ya girl....when you have a true redneck for a husband...the last thing you want to do is LIE to him. Not a good site...LOL
I can see your point as well, yes its crazy that he dont want u on that site...as well as mine not wanting me on there...but I did not make a promise. Your heart is his now and thats what he is counting on....you need to give all your heart to him not some here and some there. I really dont know what to tell you, other than when you make a promise...keep to your word! Be true to your husband...one day you will see how important that is. Love should be thicker then a website...if you know what I mean. He should look over this, this time.....but not give you another chance...I would not! Sorry but Love is Love...you should make sure it stays that way....no lieing, cheating, none of that should go on.....even though it happens...all that do them things will learn one day not to and they will see what they are fixing to lose.
Think of it this way...what if you did not have him????? While he is your husband and he is there with you...be good and take care of him, life is to short for games (or call it what you will) way to short. Maybe you can pray and ask God to help you stay off that site for your marriage...you see people dont take there marriage for real anymore this day and age...and thats why the divorce rate is so high and thats crazy. Just sit back and think before you do or say...make sure you pray about it, God will take it away if you just ask.
Good luck & God Bless

Answer 9

Is "myspace" (whatever that is), more important to you than your husband? If he is bothered by this you ought to seek to understand why. Is it a real concern that he has rationalized? a fear? a jealousy? These things can be dangerous to a marriage and I suggest you first begin by avoiding what you are doing that is troubling him. In the future, as you both mature, he may not have a problem with your using "myspace". But also be honest with yourself. When you use this "myspace" does it take you farther from a close relationship with your husband? If so, consider yourself that you may be more diligent to the expressions of love needed for any healthy marriage.

Answer 10

It sounds like he was burned in the past. I have an ex who apparently never trusted me because of a friend of his from way before he ever met me was burned by his wife! My advice would be to try to talk to him a little at a time, try to show him that what you are doing out there is innocent. But that won't go far to help the issue of having promised not to...