I have this guy friend. We basically grew up together but they transferred to a new house about 2 years ago. He is in his lowest point now. He has no job, no decent house, no money, his girlfriend's father is dying in 6 months because of cancer, his girlfriend is planning on leaving soon for another country to work and he is having problems with the father of his girlfriend's child. He usually runs to me for advice and financial help. Recently though, he confessed that he likes me and has been asking me of the what if's if both of us are together in a relationship. He's been seeing me often as we used to and has been sending me sweet notes. He's freaking me a bit. I want to help him with all that is happening to him but i dont wanna ruin his relationship with his girlfriend?
Should i continue to help him or should we both keep a distant?
2006-07-12 15:33:51 · 16 answers · asked by lilac 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I think you should just sit down with him and be honest. You like him but you don't like him-like him. You are willing to help him but you don't want him to get the wrong idea. If you helping him IS giving him the wrong idea and he won't respect your feelings...THEN tell him you can't help any more because you don't want to lose that friendship you have had for so long. If he cares for you THAT much, he should understand your feelings cause he shouldn't want to lose you in return. Poor guy, I can see why he would feel that way...he's all messed up and wants to hold on to you because you have been so nice.
2006-07-12 15:41:32 · answer #1 · answered by cabbiegrl 3 · 6⤊ 3⤋
I think that he may see you as a safe place. I know that sounds odd, but you've known each other for a long time, and he has always turned to you when he was in need, so I think that with so much changing in his life, that you are a safe place. He may be interpreting his feelings of friendship towards you and his need of your stability in his life as more than what it really is.
I think that you sit him down and talk to him, tell him that he is such a special part of your life and that your will always be there for him, but that what he is feeling for you is more likely just him feeling unsettled, not love for you. He may disagree with you, but if you can assure him that you will be there for him when he needs you, I think things will work out if you can make him understand that while you love him as one of your best friends, you don't love him in any other way.
2006-07-12 22:42:28 · answer #2 · answered by whatelks67 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run as fast as you can. It is his life and he is living it...not all that capably. You cant really help people, they have to do the hard work themselves...for themselves. If he realizes that things aren't going all that swell and his way of dealing with things is to run to you for support...rather than fixing his life...that's just lame.
he needs to take control of his life, his future, and make things better for himself
what are you supposed to do? get him a job? deal with the girlfriends father and her child? give give his happy family financial help?
Why on earth would you want a partner like that?
don't be an enabler, spend your energy taking care of you and yours
RUN!
2006-07-12 22:46:13 · answer #3 · answered by poppyblossoms 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
for the present time, you should keep the relationship on a friends only level..make that clear to him..it is not wise to get into a loving relationship with so many problems at the foundation..it is not in your best intrest..sure, help him as a friend with a few bucks from time to time..or a friendly ear or hug..that is what friendship is all about..when he gets on his feet and the problems arent so deep..and you still want him then is the time to try to get together, not now....
2006-07-12 22:45:48 · answer #4 · answered by KT 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can continue helping him and at the same time, keep some distance. In that way, their relationship will be safe. In my opinion, your friend like you since you are always there for him.
2006-07-12 22:39:11 · answer #5 · answered by eara1987 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really think you should back off a bit. It sounds like he's become dependent of you. Offer verbal support or just lend an ear not money.
Yep, what Wilco254 said.
2006-07-12 22:42:40 · answer #6 · answered by LOVE2LD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can help as long as you let him know that your feelings for him is just friendship based. See how he reacts when you tell him. If he is cool with it then you know you were just tripping if not then you might want to step back.
2006-07-12 22:46:03 · answer #7 · answered by janice p 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he is just a god friend and that's all you want it to be then stand firm with him and let him know what you are feeling, good friends are hard to come by but i am married to my best friend of 25 years
2006-07-12 22:39:12 · answer #8 · answered by mamal3babygirls 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what I gather, you should leave him alone. Stop helping him. He is using you for back up when his girlfriend leaves.
2006-07-12 22:39:09 · answer #9 · answered by sweetgurl13069 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is looking for a sugar momma!
2006-07-12 22:37:59 · answer #10 · answered by EL UNICO 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋