She is 9 and it's been just her and her Mom for a long time.
2006-07-12 14:57:17 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Then you are in for a power struggle. You (and her mom) need to reassure her that you know she is #1 in her mom's life. You need to spend one-on-one time with her. Ask her how she feels, ask her what she wants to see happen in the family. Basically get her permission to marry her mom. If she says no the first time you ask, ask her "what can I do to get you to say yes?" Then do it, before the wedding. Make sure she knows that you know you are marrying them both. Get her involved in making wedding plans...let her pick some songs and help her mom pick a dress/flowers etc. That will make it exciting. She will feel very let out and you are the reason she will feel that way (in her young mind you are stealing her life as she knows it, even w/ good intentions she won't understand). Take it slow, let her get used to having you around, and never shoo her away.
Good luck...every family is different but it is a good sign that you are at least thinking about her feelings...just make sure she knows that.
2006-07-12 15:13:47 · answer #1 · answered by az 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's really tough for a child who's been with one parent for so long, to understand that "moms" (or dads) need a partner, a mate in life. Whatever you do, don't try to win her over with gifts, etc. She'll soon realize that's exactly what you're trying to do, and the rift will grow wider with all sorts of complications popping up.
The best thing you can do is LOVE her mother, unconditionally, and love HER as well. If you think of buying her something, stop and think about why you want to get that particular thing for her. Don't use giving as an excuse to get her to "like" or "love" you. She'll come to do that on her own, when she finds out that 3 can live even happier than 2. Give her time, give her your ears, give her your heart....and she'll come to see that you really mean it, and her heart will turn towards YOU!
And don't forget to give her and her mother time together alone too. If you know she wants and needs time alone with her, say something like "Why don't you two girls have a "girls day at the mall" today? I'll find something to do in the meantime, and maybe we can cook out tonight and roast marshmallows afterwards!" Knowing that you aren't trying to take her mother away from her is exactly what she needs to know, and understand.
Been there, done that, and have two wonderful daughters who finally realized that Mama needed someone too! :)
2006-07-12 22:08:54 · answer #2 · answered by CoastalCutie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to date a girl in the same situation. Best thing I can tell you is try to show the girl that she's important to you too, but, at the same time, don't kiss her *** to get her approval. You may just have to deal with the fact that she will buck the situation from the word go. Question is, do you love this woman enough to accept this as part of the package?
2006-07-12 22:13:34 · answer #3 · answered by rhino 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's nine, she's probably pretty resilient. I think she'll adjust, probably a lot faster and more successfully than a teenager would. I'd give it time.
2006-07-12 22:01:51 · answer #4 · answered by Tiger 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she'll get over it
2006-07-12 22:00:50 · answer #5 · answered by fadded 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋