Ok, my sister-in-law just recently divorced her husband of 11 years to be with a guy that she's been in love with for 15 years. Things were really going great until recently. Now she's having second thoughts and doesn't know what to do. She's thinking about going back to her ex for the kids sake. But he told her that she would have to prove herself and he basically won't let her have a life. He said he will take her to work, pick her up from work, cancel her phone, etc. She said her heart tells her to stay with the guy she loves, but she feels that she needs to get back with her ex for the kids. What should I tell her?
2006-07-12 14:47:07 · 12 answers · asked by nascarluvr 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well sweetie I would just tell her like this. (Don't tell me about your problems because you have no idea what you want)
2006-07-12 15:04:50 · answer #1 · answered by canuticklemepink 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd say forget this nonsense of proving herself. This is an opportunity for the ex to rub it in and punish her for leaving him. She is divorced, I'm sure there's a visitation schedule for the kids. She should, in my opinion, stick with the decision she made. She's screwing around with peoples' lives. The kids weren't on her mind when she left the ex. If she feels like getting additional punishment from the ex, then she should go back to him, but quite frankly, if I were the ex husband, I'd not take her back.
2006-07-12 21:55:50 · answer #2 · answered by scubalady01 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she should not get back with her ex if it is 100% for the kids sake. this can be emotionally more damaging to there mental development (so i understand).
If she loves the ex and she want the relationship to work again then she will for a short period of time have to win back the love and trust of the ex.
the kids may be better off with both parties agreeing to dates and times for access to the kids.
if your sister in law wants to be happy again then your brother is either going to have to let her go for ever and agree to visitation with the kids. or learn to trust her again in as short a time frame as possible. Canceling her phone is rather childish, what if there was an emergency and say the kids school needed to get in touch with a parent quickly and your sister in law was out and the guy was say in a meeting with his phone off. as an example both parents need to be contactable. arrange for incoming only on the phones but to cut the phone altogether would be a disaster.
just my personal opinion
2006-07-12 21:59:24 · answer #3 · answered by thebestnamesarealreadytaken0909 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love will find a way...
If she's willing to give up her own happiness for her kids sake, well go back to her ex. My question is:what will she do when the kids are old enough to leave home and go on their own? Now what? The husband will NEVER trust her like he may have once did...period. She totally destroyed that trust factor. Why live the lifestyle he's prepared to make her go thru...
2006-07-12 21:53:04 · answer #4 · answered by tjb2676 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to stay with the man who loves her.... the one she's with now. Her ex sounds like a controlling monster, and I can't believe he didn't exibit some of this behavior before she left him. She could easily get custody of the kids... most courts will side with the mom, especially if she can provide a nurturing environment. And all she'd need to do is tell a judge how her ex demands she live if she tries to come back and be a mother to her children, and the judge would most likely hand custody over to her.
2006-07-12 21:51:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is only one thing you can tell her and that is to get mental help. She is obviously over-the-top selfish, crazy, irresponsible, miserable, confused and so on.
If this dude was so great and she was in love with him before she got married, why did she get married? If she loved this dude so much, why did she have kids with her husband? If she loves this dude so much, why is she really considering leaving him? Seriously, don't by that crap that it is for the kids! If she cared so much about her kids, she would have thought about that before she started cheating, right? My guess is that things aren't so great with this "love" guy or he is getting ready to boot her and she wants some place to go. Who knows?
As far as the ex goes, she is lucky that he would even consider it. I understand that he wants to be with his kids, and if it worked out, it would be the best for everyone, but what she did was so horrible to him...it will be hard for him to forgive her. As far as him being controlling, well it doesn't really sound as much like control as it does lack of trust, which is completely understandable considering she has probably cheated on his ever since they were dating. She doesn't deserve to be trusted. What in the heck has she done to deserve it? NOTHING! If she really wants to go back and he is willing to let her, I would say it would be natural for there to be a little period of "trust building." What do you think?
There is just much more to this story about the guy she has been in love with for 15 years. This story just does not add up completely. If she won't seek mental help, you might tell her to try and be honest for once in her life, if not with you, atleast with herself. You might also ask her to keep her kids in mind whenever she is wrecking homes, breaking hearts and messing up their lives in the future.
2006-07-12 22:17:51 · answer #6 · answered by Cing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her ex will not make things easy on her and in turn that will not be good for the kids.
My opinion is.... stay with the love. If you are happy you will pass that on to the kids. Never stayed married "for the kids."
2006-07-12 22:06:48 · answer #7 · answered by ae1214 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should follow her heart and work toward getting custody or visiting rights of the children. No marraige where there isn't love will foster a happy family. The kids will suffer just as much as, if not more than, the parents.
2006-07-12 21:51:29 · answer #8 · answered by quietwalker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should not join a relationship for "the kids sake". The kids would be better off if their parents were in a relationship where they got along. She shouldn't expose the kids to lots of fighting and bickering which will only create anger in everyone.
2006-07-12 21:52:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This might sound harsh but two people can raise their children without being together. Why be with someone who is going to treat her like a child because she left him. That is punishing her instead of working out things that went wrong in their relationship. She deserves to be happy, I think that when you are happy your children will sense that happiness. That way she can concentrate on being the mother she has to be for her children.
2006-07-12 21:55:07 · answer #10 · answered by LouMomma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stay with the man she loves the kids will grow up some day and leave then who will she have the man that love her
2006-07-12 22:05:09 · answer #11 · answered by john boy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋