Is it normal for my husband to not want to have sex but yet always look at porn on the computer?

Answer 1

It happens a lot but it isn't normal. Let me tell you a true story about me. When I was married, I was totally interested in sex with my wife and would have done it twice a day, every day, if she had been willing. I found porn on the 'net and was unable to ignore it. But when she left me sometime down the road, I completely lost interest in porn. It was so cheap and fake. What I wanted was a real relationship.

If he doesn't want to have sex with you, there are reasons in your relationship for that. He is using porn to fill in the gap. Hopefully, that is all he is using. To get him interested in sex with you will not require him to dump the porn on day one, but will require you to discover the stumbling block in your relationship and build a bridge over it. Men need sexual attention almost as badly as women need it. The sex you aren't having is a barometer of where you guys are in your marriage. The porn is his crutch right now.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

There's nothing wrong with porn, as long as it's not interfering with your relationship. If he's using it as a crutch or a substitute, though, it's time to take action.

Blaming him will do you no good. Neither will blaming yourself. The porn addiction/lack of sex is not the problem, it is merely the symptom. Something is wrong in your relationship and it's keeping him from wanting to connect to you. He's distancing himself from you with porn. It's not an affront to you, he's not doing it to hurt your feelings (I don't think...and if he is, then once again, it's a symptom of a problem), he is merely anaesthetizing himself with it.

Contrary to the myth, men AND women crave emotional intimacy. They shy away from it, though, because achieving it requires a risk on their part. They do not feel that they are worth loving for some reason, because (being human) they are imperfect and probably have some pretty wierd quirks. Don't we all? That's the beauty of it: we're ALL wierd!

Tell him that your relationship is important to you, and that his substituting porn for sex with you makes you feel hurt and sad, because you want so much more between you. Ask him why he is avoiding you? Honestly? All you can do is state your case honestly, gently and plainly. The rest is up to him. But at least you can say you tried.

Answer 4

Normal is as normal does. He sounds like my ex. Really.

He had a DVD porn collection like I couldn't believe. He subscribed to a half dozen porn sites and as a result, the computer was inundated with porn spam. All this was going on behind my back while I was taking care of our newborn son. We had sex once after he was born (when the baby was 6 mos old) and after that, nothing. Yes, I still had some baby weight on but he was even larger. (that's a p*ss-poor excuse anyway and never really said out loud.) He was always tired, or busy, or didn't want to wake the baby. Riiiight.

What I'd found out 2 yrs later was that he'd met a woman on a business trip and fell for her on-site. He had to go to CA every 2 mos (at least) on business and that's when he saw her. They'd been "platonic" since meeting, but he left me anyway when our son was 2 1/2. They're married now. My only advice is that she never have a baby. He (the ex) can't handle the competition or the responsibility.

BTW: You know what she looks like? One of his porn stars: big breasts, bleach blond (or is she a red-head now) lots of make-up, lots of jewelry; LONG, red acrylic nails, clothes that are too young and too tight for her 20 lbs-over-weight-body.

You know what-I'm so happy SHE has him. Sincerely.

Answer 5

It is most likely because of your looking at porn that you do not want to have sex with your wife. Cut out the porn and look for a local SAA group in your area. SAA is Sex Addicts Anonymous. It was a great help to me. Porn is a nasty addiction that you can break. Look into it dude. It will do you relationship a huge favor.

Answer 6

Nope.If he just didn't want to have sex,I'd say he has a small problem.But the fact that he doesn't want to have sex(with you)but looks at porn all day on the computer(and they aren't touchable)is a HUGE problem.It sounds like he is addicted to porn to the point that it is interfering with your marriage.Try and get him help.Start by cutting off your Internet service and hiding the computer.Yes,it's drastic,but desperate times calls for desperate measures.He is ruining your marriage and you have to get him help.IF he refuses help,then go on and get a REAL man who wants to make love to his wife instead of jerking off to a screen.The women on their(mostly)are submissive,gorgeous ,flawless women and he needs to realize,although your not perfect,or airbrushed to look perfect,you are real,beautiful and his WIFE!!!Wake him up!!!

Answer 7

Honey no, if you don't get the attention than something is very wrong with him. I can't see him not wanting to have sex with you unless you want do what some of the women in the movie is doing. Try to spice up your marriage a little. When hes not home watch some of his pron and see how the women in it act. Than surprise him with a show of your own, if that don't work than I don't know what will.

Answer 8

you can install a porn filter software like NetDog on the computer,that help you to block all porn sites quitely in the background when he's surfing on the internet. http://www.netdogsoft.com

Answer 9

Yeah it does sound strange. When you watch it together do you then go ahead and have sex? Maybe there's a deeper issue, eg he does want to have sex with you, but can't get it up properly and doesn't want to let you down?

Answer 10

Not normal or healthy. He is living in his own fantasy, which he can turn on or off at will, and doesn't need to get you in the mood. He is totally into self gratification. He needs help.