the situation is we have been married over ten years ,but for last couple she seems to feel we have been going our seperate ways.somewere along the way a few months ago she started working with a home builder who is pretty successful.for the last 2 months it has gotten where we never talked.now i no why!!!!she says she fell in love with him.he was there for her when i wasnt.i think she never give me a chance to be there for her.well i found out three weeks ago and we were trying to make things better and she said we could maybe working things out ,but then she told me she was still confused.all long she has been telling both she loves us and she just needs time to think.she says that if she only knew what it would be like with him maybe she would not even really want him.so my bright idea ,i told her to take a week out of town with him and see if anything is there.they have never had anything other than a hug together.did i just make the stupidist mistake of my life.because it hurts!!!
2006-07-12 12:54:01 · 17 answers · asked by scard4lif 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
she promised no sex and i trust her on that.but am i wasting my time thinking she will want me back??
2006-07-12 12:55:02 · update #1
thanks for alll the answers are there anymore???????????/
2006-07-12 13:57:17 · update #2
hahaha....She is riding him like a petting zoo pony!!!
You need to file for divorce while she is out with her "friend" cuz its over!
2006-07-12 13:03:06 · answer #1 · answered by SKITTLES 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, that was dumb that you let her be with him........what for? I think you should make the first move and just leave, if she told you she fell in love with someone else then why are you still sticking around? Dude, that was the dumbest thing I heard honestly, you might as well just start saying bye now. You actually think there's gonna be no sex? Then what was the purpose of the trip!!
2006-07-12 13:02:57 · answer #2 · answered by the*cellphone*chik 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im not sure if you did or not, i do know u cant hold on to someone that doesnt want to be held on too..and for you to of gotten possesive would of just pushed him towards her more...They say to let someone go to see if they come back to you... and maybe she will.. but know if she doesnt, that she was already pretty much out the door anyways and nothing u could of done could of changed that.. im really sorry that your going through this, i know that it sux knowing that you basically could of just pushed ur wife into the arms of another....I hope she see's the light and doesnt do anything to damage your marriage further.. Good luck..
2006-07-12 13:44:21 · answer #3 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, man have a drink on me...you need it.
First off, forget those people that call you stupid and tell you that you made the wrong decision. Man, you are in some kind of "heck" that they must not appreciate, because, if they did, they wouldn't say stupid stuff like that. No one has the right to tell you what was the right or wrong decision.
Dude, you and I both know that everyone could do things better, here and there, in a marriage. We all have negative characteristics. However, none of that is an excuse to cheat! It is natural for us to beat ourselves up inside, blaming ourselves for causing this situation, replaying what we could have done different, etc. Furthermore, wives dump additional fuel on that painful fire by placing the blame for their unfaithful ways on their husbands. This is a defense mechanism on their part, because they do not want to believe that they are "that kind of girl," right? Well, it is complete and total bull. As far as him being there for her whenever you were not, what kind of man is "there" for another dudes wife? You and I both know what kind!
You did not make the biggest mistake of your life. If you didn't give her the green light to spend time with him alone, she would have done it behind your back like she has been anyway. She was going to do whatever with him anyway, right? She has been anyway. Atleast by you giving her the green light, she isn't doing it behind your back. As far as her "time to think," that time would have been spent with him, away from you behind your back, determining whether she would rather be with him or you anyway.
Dude, no decision that you made caused her to fall in love with another man. That was completely her decision. As far as her saying that if she knew how life would be with him she may not really want him, well, that may be true, but if she finds that to be true, are you going to be able to forgive her for "exploring her options?" Are you ever going to be able to forgive her for this? Are you going to be able to forgive her for the pain she is causing you? Can you ultimately accept this? What do the families think? What do friends think? Have you discussed it with them? If not, why? Is it to protect her from being held accountable for her actions?
I think you are a real man for giving her the opportunity to make the decision to take off with him. The fact that she did it says alot to you, doesn't it? Do you really want a woman that you have to supervise like a child so that she doesn't run off with another man? What kind of relationship is that?
You didn't "let" her be with him. She chose to. You aren't the bad guy, she is. Furthermore, even though the other man is a sack of you know what, he isn't the one that took vows with you, she did. This is all her responsibility. She is the one that is accountable to you so don't fall in to the trap of blaming yourself and him. This is all on her.
Don't you think it is curious that you are blamed for relationship issues at the same time she started cheating? Yep, sure, it is your fault that she cannot honor her wedding vows, right? It's so hard to imagine how someone a dude loves so much can hurt someone so bad and, on top of that, can place all of the blame on him!
Stay Up Playa!
2006-07-12 17:49:08 · answer #4 · answered by Cing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that was a dumb move. i am a woman, under no circumstance do you let her think or give her permission in that matter to go somewhere with another man period. this is your marriage man. "for better, or worse." this is the worse period, you need to go out there and get her wherever she is. trust me, she talks a good game, but deep down she wants you to go get her and save her from that situation, this my friend will let ultimately know that you care for her, yourself and your marriage. find out where she is and get her, women like being told what to do ( don't let nobody else tell you different) and sometimes we can't nip certain situations in the bud by ourselves.
go get your better half.
2006-07-12 13:03:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did make a mistake. You should have told her to decide, you or him. Period. Then when she decided she should not be associating with the one she did not choose. If that be you, you're better off!
When she comes back you should give her the same choice as just stated above.
Sorry, and good luck!
2006-07-12 14:09:16 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dude come on what kind of person allows their women of 10 years to step out with another man? you have made the biggest mistake of your life. get used to the hurt because even if she does come back the question will remain did he screw her. of course he did. and what will stop her from doing this again. stand up for your self. i was brought up differently. we fight for our women and if that doesn't work don't chase, replace. the contractor would have definitely known about me and if he persisted well i guess a night in the county lock up for kicking his A$$ is where you'll find me. get a back bone.
2006-07-12 13:05:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH BOY. listen, I've been there before... actually i wasn't married, but i lived with a guy... i know how you feel. so... my advice (actually I don't have enough information to give you a CORRECT advice) but still, my advice is... divorce. These situations are difficult, you can't just ignore them, and you can't pretend they never happened. At least I couldn't, but i thought I could, so i made me life miserable. Just tell her: choose, me or that guy, you have one day. And if she can't decide in one day, she'll never will. Best luck!!!
2006-07-12 13:05:37 · answer #8 · answered by Maryshka 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is so playing you. You need to step up and make a decision and then be mature enough to keep it. Did you notice thru all this the sun comes up each day? Life goes on, and so must you.
2006-07-12 12:59:23 · answer #9 · answered by Cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is playing you so bad . i know what this kind of hurt is like but i would tell her to make her mind up now and stop trying to string you along. it is better to hurt right now and get over it than to worry for the next however many years when she is going to really hurt you out of the blue.
2006-07-12 14:14:23 · answer #10 · answered by eric h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think your stupid at all. Maybe i wouldn't have done it that way, but then she would have been doing it behind your back if she wanted to anyways. It would probably just be all over for me. I wouldn't be as gracious. I'd be more like "get out"
2006-07-12 13:01:57 · answer #11 · answered by Crazymomo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋