I have been married to my husband for two years dated for 6 and for some reason unknown to me his family does not exept me. Now my question is, is it wrong for me to have the mentality that if Im not accepted then my child isn't either therefore me forbidding my husband from taking him over to visit.
2006-07-12 12:45:55 · 18 answers · asked by kaddyb74 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Extend the olive branch and be the bigger person. Tell them that they only way they are going to have anything to do with their grandchild is through you. Your in-laws (or outlaws, as you call them) cannot expect to have a relationship with your child and not have a relationship with you. They need to understand that their grandchild is here because of you and your husband and if you are good enough for their son, good enough to be a mother to their grandchild, you are good enough for them. It was one thing having an unstable relationship with your husbands family when it was just the two of you. Now that there is a child in the equation, they need to lay aside whatever ill-will they have towards you for the sake of their grandchild. How do they expect to explain to their grandchild as they get older why they weren't around?
2006-07-12 12:52:22 · answer #1 · answered by jkelmagic 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes inlaws just have their weird ways and who knows why they were being that way. I don't see anything wrong with your husband taking the baby over there without you once, but if that does not knock some sense into them that you are the wife of their son, and the mother of their grandson, then they are being just to hard headed. And from then on they have to come to your house to see the baby and respect you as they are doing it. They need to swallow whatever they are feeling and then maybe just maybe all of you can start to mend because of the little one. Grandchildren have brought many families together. Always remember, even if your husband is on your side for the most part, always in his heart, those are his parents. Nothing is going to change that. Good luck !
2006-07-12 19:50:13 · answer #2 · answered by ldylopes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you know that for some reason that they don't like you, and that they may act indifferent torwads your child I would not let the child go over there. If the parents disrepect you when you come around, then it is more likely that they would have something negative to say in front of your child about you. Tell your husband that you being his wife and that he has a family. His family comes first. Your husband need to stand up for his family. If they can't accept you, then they can't accept him or his children to. Your child deserve the best not to get wrap up in the in-law drama.
2006-07-12 20:01:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, though it's easy to understand your hurt feelings it would be wrong to deny your husband and his side of the family the opportunity to see the child and grow with it. Essentially you're using the baby as a tool or weapon to demonstrate your anger, when you should try to make a better decision than that, especially as it affects other family members. Grit your teeth and get a better perspective on it.
2006-07-12 19:50:39 · answer #4 · answered by nothing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi I had the same problem. I married a man that his family did not show up for our church wedding. I always made sure he went and while my child was small I went even though they did not like me. then later I had them go without me but make sure your child sees the outlaws the child will tell you if he thinks the family does not like him. Good luck Children need family even if the family does not like us.
2006-07-12 19:53:14 · answer #5 · answered by liza 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...that's a really loaded question. On the one hand, you want your child to be surrounded by as many people as possible that loves them. However, if they disrespect you, you should not allow him to be exposed to that. Your husband shouldn't allow it either. Now would be a great time to get it all aired out, find out what the problem is. You have nothing to loose, and lots to gain. Good luck...
2006-07-12 19:49:11 · answer #6 · answered by Mom of 3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you fell. I had the same problem. Please remember that the children are his too. (if they are) and he should also be able to say who can see them as well. If they are not his than NO they should NEVER see them. Only you know what is best for your children. On the other hand, I'm sure they can feel that your in/outlaws don't like you. Again I have mixed feeling but I said No to them "If you don't like me then you can't like my children". I later go a divorce because of my in laws and now they DON"T see my children. Best of Luck.
2006-07-12 19:53:45 · answer #7 · answered by mandmhill 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband seems to be at fault here. He should stand up for you. Your child should have the right to see their fathers family. Not allowing them to see your child will create a larger barrier. Have a talk with you husband, he should be on your side and be the one to take away his family's right to see the child.
2006-07-12 19:52:15 · answer #8 · answered by Desiree S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should ever use your children as pawns. And you are playing tit for tat with your child as the punishment to your inlaws for not accepting you.
Why don't you be the bigger person and show a side of yourself that they can respect by allowing them to see your child in spite of their feelings towards you?
Be the bigger person. Kids need all the loving people around them that they can get.
And your example of taking the high road may catch on and maybe they'll start to soften towards you.
2006-07-12 19:48:58 · answer #9 · answered by lily 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is wrong. As long as they love your child and treat your child well, why would you want to keep your child away from two people who love them very much. Children need all the love they can get.
2006-07-12 19:49:55 · answer #10 · answered by Birdlegs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋