Should i just move on??

Question

My boyfriend left me and our son two weeks ago,and has now found a flat to rent thanks to his mother,when he left he said he didn`t know if he was doing the right thing but now two weeks later he says he knows it was the right thing to do.He now wants to come over and collect the rest of his stuff but i`ve told him that it`s been binned.He also says he wants to keep in contact with our son who has learning difficulties but i`m not sure if i want that,part of me wants to hurt him as much as i`m hurting and i`m so angry that he thinks he can just walk out on us and be content with visiting for an hour or so once a week whilst i`m left with my sons tantrums etc,He also thinks we can be friends which i`m just not willing to do as only a fortnight ago he was my boyfriend!I still love him but know he doesn`t feel the same way and i think maybe it would be for the best if i didn`t see him for a while to i get my life sorted out and i know i wont be able to handle seeing him walk out the door.

In response to a point made in one answer,there is no way he would take our son at the weekend as he enjoys going out to much drinking and bingeing,he has always done it and would disappear for 2 nights at a time while i was stuck at home on my own,i actually think thats alot to do with why he left,he wants to find someone who hasn`t any ties and can go out drinking with him,

Answer 1

Two weeks is really not enough time to come up with a simple solution to your situation. It's reasonable for you to still have raw feelings towards your ex, but DO NOT use your son as revenge!!!! Look at it this way, this 'break' could be a good time for you both to re-evaluate your relationship and the things that led up to your separation. Later on down the line you may realize that this was for the best for you, or maybe you'll both be able to correct what went wrong and get back together. Yeah, cry, scream, yell--get all that anger and hurt out of your system, then really come up with solutions when you have a clear head. But whatever you do, don't cut him off from his father. Nowadays, kids need BOTH parents, whether they live under the same roof or not. You have to think about what is in the best interest of your son. Although you think you may be hurting your ex by cutting off visitation, as your son gets older without his dad, you'll realize that you hurt your son, too. I hope this helps and I wish you luck...

Answer 2

First although i know your angry, (ive been in a similar situation) and i know u want to hurt him as much as he's hurt u but using your child is only hurting your child, the innocent bystander in all of this.. if he wants to see your son, then he should see your son but because its hard on you to see your x bf then he should come and pick up your son and take him to either his place, his mom's or to a park or something for an hour or whatever.. 1. it gives u a break from being a mommy, and 2. ur not in an uncomfortable situation to have to deal with him while he's seeing your son..
My best advice to u is to become very strong.. handle him as if u had a business deal .. the deal being your son.. be civil but firm and make him play by your rules..
Dont chase after him dont beg him back, stand on your own two feet and give him what he wants.. sometimes by giving someone what they want they realize its not what they really want and come back, NOT ALWAYS but sometimes.. but the more u chase after him crying and begging the more power it gives him to keep actting this way.. so regain the control in your life, be a good mother and do what is right for your son, and the greatest revenge you will ever seek on your x bf is going on and BEING EXTREMELY HAPPY.. ..but no matter what u need to put your feelings on the back burner and put your childs feelings first and he loves both his mommy and daddy and thats what needs to be focused on ..

Answer 3

You must realize that you had a son out of marriage, what that means is He was never committed in the first place. Now put yourself aside, although you need to heal and find peace in your life, that is not priority. You have a child and everything you do will affect him. Your decision should not be based on the advice of strangers but on what is best for your son both now and long term. Emotionally, financially, spiritually, and in any case, what is best for him. If you talk this through with someone who can give you an outside opionion, you may be better off. It is easier to view facts when your emotional and hurt feelings can be sorted through with the help of someone else.

Answer 4

It's hard to feel rejected, but I think you just need to accept that some relationships work and some don't. At least it sounds like the relationship ended well. Putting his stuff in the bin wasn't the right thing to do, but I know it felt good at the time. I think you need to do some healing of your own, but don't stop him from seeing your son. When my father left he didn't want to see his kids, so please don't discourage a father that actually does want to be a part of his child's life. You won't be able to be friends just yet as the emotions are too raw, give it time. Just be pleasant and try not to be b1tchy or nasty as that will just give him reason to say, "This is exactly the reason I left!" It will get better, hang in there.

Answer 5

Sorry but your ex-boyfriend seems like a real jerk!! To just up and leave with no warning is bad enough but then to have the audacity to act like he didn't do anything wrong.

Lots of people feel the father has a right to be apart of his son's life....and I don't think you should make any permanent decisions right now since you are hurting from what he did and you may not be in the right mindset to make the best decision.

I know you want to make him hurt but take some time and think about what's best for your son.

Answer 6

Yeah, you definately should move on........as far as him seeing his son, your son has a right to have his father in his life. Keeping him from him will only hurt your relationship with your son in the long run as he gets older and realizes it was because of you that he didn't see his dad. Don't take your hurt out on your son. It's understandable that you don't want to be friends with him....a break up like that takes time to heal from. It doesn't happen overnight. However, since you have a child together, you will need to be civil to each other or the child will pay in the long run. Good luck.

Answer 7

It sounds like you boyfriend can handle a special needs son so he is using walking out as an excuse to not having to deal with it.Also if his mother is helping him get his own place, it sounds like he has a bit of growing up to do. If you have his name on the birth certificate, you can sue him for child support to help raise your son, especially if he refuses to help, but then and only then does he have a legal right to see him. Right now you are under no legal obligation to let him see him especially if this might cause problems. It wont be easy as a single mother, but there are support groups out there that can help you if you want it good luck

Answer 8

I didn't read all the answers you've gotten so far, so hopefully I'm not repeating someone else. First of all, while it's painful for you, it's worse to not let your son have a relationship with him. That doesn't mean you have to be there when they visit. Your ex can either pick up your son and then return him, or you can drop him off and then pick him up. Keep it strictly "professional". Since you have him all week, he can keep him every weekend. Gives you time to yourself, and he can do his share too. Good luck.

Answer 9

Talk to him and tell him you need time before you can see him.If he wants to see your son let him take that time to do something for you.If he could pick your son up and take him out for an hour or two let him. I know it's hard to really let go,but don't chase someone who don't want you.It's OK to cry and feel the way you do, but after you cried and got it all out move on.You deserve so much better and your son does to. Make yourself happy and over time you will heal.Life is to short to be unhappy,its time to do you.Good luck in all you do keep your head up

Answer 10

If you really don't want to see him for a while...then thats what you should do, but don't keep him from his son, if he's willing to be a father let him....maybe just have someone else take your son to him for as long as you dont want to see him