Why cant he make love to me anymore?i wish he would put more time and effort in it. is it me do i not attract him anymore i remember when we were dating he would pay attention to every part of my body and turn me on and get to all my hot spots. now it seems like the same old routine over and over as long as hes happy and satisfied what about me?
why does it take forever for me to have an orgasm is that in all woman ? Am i the only one who is in this situation ? when i try to talk to him about he gets upset? How can i get him to get me sex toys without him feeling bad about himself?
2006-07-12 10:35:35 · 9 answers · asked by Li331e C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds as if the time is long overdue for him to feel bad about himself. I suspect he misunderstood the wedding vows, "I do," to mean "You do me." Start acting like a date, stay out of the bedroom, and make him work for what you want. Do not use your own bedroom...if you have a guest room, go there. Your sex life has become ho-hum...it is time to shake things up a bit. Good luck
2006-07-12 10:40:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most important thing is communication. It sucks that he gets upset, but perhaps he just needs to get comfortable talking about sex. A lot of people think it should never be talked about, but that simply isn't true. You may even inquire if he has fantasies, etc, that he would like to experiment with. Perhaps that will spark a conversation that will allow you to share things you would like as well. Most importantly try to approach the conversation from a "we" point of view. Don't place the blaim on one person. Also, you may want to elaborate on the good things he does. For instance if his hand brushes against your breast (even if it doesn't feel that great) moan and say that you really love it when he touches your breast like that. Try to keep it in the possative.
Yes, it is very common for women to take a long time to have an orgasm. It seems to me the best way to improve that is to get to know yourself better. Buy a toy or just use your hand, experiment with different positions by yourself. Then try to transfer those to the bed room. Unfortunantly, I do not know how to make your husband feel more comfortable with toys. My husband feels the same way, and hopefully someone will be able to give you better advice.
Something I have found fun that also includes your guy in any self fulfillment are pictures and videos. Also, this is fun while you are making love as well.
Just one more thing, I promise. Remember that fast sex can be fun too. It doesn't always have to be making love. In fact, I find it kind of dull when all we do is slow sensual sex. Sometimes you just need a quickie.
2006-07-12 10:47:56 · answer #2 · answered by wishing_i_could_sing 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How much time do you have for sex these days? your profile says "young mother"
Marriages go through hot and cold phases.
Maybe if you initiate the "lovemaking" he may get the idea that it's time for foreplay instead of just "getting down to business".
And if it takes you a long time to reach orgasm, consider masturbating during the day when he's not home. You may find that you orgasm more easily/faster when he's with you. And that could encourage him to do more, too. (and be enthusiastic)
2006-07-12 10:42:44 · answer #3 · answered by voxwoman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It happened to me as well. Sometimes we(my husband and I) don't have sex for like a week, and then we go at it. It just depends on what mood I am in. He tends to tease me alot now and that may be annoying, but when we finally do have sex then its great. Sometimes we do it like everyday, but mostly for his pleasure, it takes too long for me to get turned on if there is barely or no foreplay. But then I tell him what I want and he knows, finally. At first he was upset thinking that he was pleasing me, but I explained to him how I felt and that it took awhile to get me turned on like that. Guys you just have to look a certain way at them or move a certain way and they are stone hard. It only takes a few strokes and their are done if they want to be. It seems that he got use to it and is just going with usual. Let him know that you are not being satisfied. He may get upset, but its the truth. Tell him gently that it just takes longer for you to get turned on like him. You need more attention that he does. Also let him know that you want to play with a sex toy. Most guys enjoy watching their girls play with themselves. Also while you guys are doing it, play with you clitoris, like on the pornos. That stimulates you faster and you can get a quick orgasm in there. At first my man felt all bad but I told him about how I felt and now its like thats all he wants to do instead of the 'usual' way.
Good luck and hope you get some good times.
2006-07-12 10:49:25 · answer #4 · answered by sweetsugakb24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Intresting....
After 12 years of being married, I find that my wife's "climax" have more to do with her state of mind than my performance. Seriously. Men are stimulated at the mere sight of a woman and assume the same is true vice versa... and this is not unfortunately. women have to be stimulated... they have to be made constantly aware that you are extremely aroused by their body... their hair... the smell of their perfume... etc, etc... You have to kiss them all over, take your time and make her feel like she is the only woman on the face of the earth.
I think this is something that comes with time for most women... as they become more comfortable with their bodies and self image.
He could help. I wish I knew the answer...
Try buying some porn and letting him catch you watching. Get freaky!! You could actually tell him what you want him to do and when you want him to do it. "kiss me here... rub me there..." talk dirty to him. use the names that we won't dare say in public forums like this. This might bring out his inner freak!!
2006-07-12 10:50:09 · answer #5 · answered by hyperhealer3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you're preachin to the choir. I am in the exact same boat. Our sex never lasts more than about 15 minutes and it always seems so rushed. He just wants to quickly get me off so then he can get off. I wish we could see a sex therapist but I think my hubby would be so offended if I suggested it. Email me if you come up with any ideas or if something works for you!
2006-07-12 13:35:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he gets upset take control of him for one night totally dominate him and blow his mind maybe get on top and tell him what to do how to do it and if you like it let him know that too maybe this will help men sometimes like when we take control of a situation maybe it will be mind blowing for you too
2006-07-12 10:41:43 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know i thought you would forget about me
2006-07-12 10:41:44 · answer #8 · answered by Julie G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not sure how to help you. Maybe you need a new lover???
2006-07-12 10:41:06 · answer #9 · answered by Rolly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋