Ok, here's the scoop.
My husband of just over one year is becoming more and more physically and mentally abusive. He pinned me against the wall a couple of days ago and almost hit me. Every time we argue it gets worse. (I KNOW I NEED TO GET AWAY, and I am in the processes of working something out. It may just take a couple of days or a week or two.)
Meanwhile, an old friend of mine, a guy I've known for a long time and that I am more then a little attracted too, is being a real gentlemen. I mean, I make advances and he wont respond because he doesn’t want to help break up the marriage. He doesn't understand it already over. Should I hold off? Why or why not. (Sanctity of marriage is not a valid reason, the sanctity was violated when I was abused.) How do I convince my friend that I am serious about a relationship with him?
Thanks for your 2 cents everyone!
2006-07-12 10:29:51 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your first priority is to get away from the abusive relationship. A friend of mine was in a similar situation and made the mistake of jumping to the second guy before getting away from the first. Learning how to be strong on your own rather than depending on a man will ultimately lead to better relationships. Rebound seldom works in the long run and could poison what could be something good later on.
2006-07-12 10:40:01 · answer #1 · answered by Daphne 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just hold off, You really need to get out of that house. Ask your male friend if you can stay with him. He already knows that you are being abused. Then go to the police and file for a restraining order. Some states automatically do that when you call the police for domestic violence.
If he will not let you move in, then find some one else to move in with. There has to be someone you know that will help you out, help you get on your feet.
Anyways, its nice that he is not taking your advances. He still believes in not violating the sanctity of your marriage. Even though you have been abused, it seems as though he needs time to adjust to that. Or, not to be mean, he may not see you the same way you see him. But only you know that. Just be patient you don't want to rush into another relationship. Feel him out what ever is suppose to happen will happen. You didn't realize that your husband was so abusive did you? So take your time and feel him out. Get a deep emotional relationship instead of just a physical one.
Good luck and be safe. May God protect you.
2006-07-12 10:39:10 · answer #2 · answered by sweetsugakb24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you need to leave your husband immediately. If he hits you or threatens you in any way, you need to get a restraining order against him. This is serious business.
Yes, you should hold off getting involved with your friend until you are divorced. If you soon to be ex should find out, he might go after your friend, thinking that he is responsible for breaking up the marriage. You wouldn't want that on your conscience would you? If your friend is at all interested, he'll wait for your marriage to be over and then he'll make his move. Let him be the man in this respect and let him pursue you when you are free. It will start any potential relationship off on the right foot.
2006-07-12 10:37:00 · answer #3 · answered by CleverGal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all be very careful that your husband is not going to find out about the divorce u r planning(he might even kill u).Second:can't u wait 1 week or 2 to make a move on your guy friend, or if u r that eager can't u explain to him what the one and only reason is for your divorce maybe that way he can understand and help u move on.
2006-07-12 10:49:23 · answer #4 · answered by scorpion prince89 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend is right to not get involved with you at this point and be a gentleman as you say. You need to be focused on getting out of this current situation and getting your life back together before you jump into another relationship. There is plenty of time for you and your friend to develop a relationship after this is all over, and by waiting it will have a better chance of survival.
2006-07-12 10:42:11 · answer #5 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is an old friend, then I would just tell him. "Hey, I really like you and would like to explore a relationship with you." Explain what your hubby has been doing ( if you haven't already) and let him know you are working towards a divorce. Be honest, and except whatever answer he gives you.
Good Luck, and I hope you make a fast get away from your abusive husband.
2006-07-12 10:36:46 · answer #6 · answered by Tiffany G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
been there and done that, I got away and vowed to take some time for myself which did not happen, and now, I am married with a 4 year old and spend most of my time alone, Do not do the rebound thing, I know it is hard espically when they are the mental abusers. Where is he from st.louis..lol
2006-07-12 10:33:16 · answer #7 · answered by sweet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce should come first, plus counseling. It takes two to ruin a marriage. If you're not careful you will just find another guy just like your husband, and if you haven't changed, the new marriage will be the same.
2006-07-12 10:38:01 · answer #8 · answered by tobinmbsc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should at least back off until you have at least left your husband, legally you are still married and live together and there are consequences if he catches you regardless whether your feelings are the married kind. I am where you are and have taken that step and now I lost the great guy and am stuck with the husband I don't love.
2006-07-12 10:36:01 · answer #9 · answered by kit kat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out of the marriage and get on you own two feet before you start something with this other guy. If he cares for you he will wait. Good luck.
2006-07-12 10:37:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋