To gay people: I need your help?

Question

I'm 19 and I think I'm bi, my parents are so anti-gay. I always hear my father say negative things about gays on TV and acts as if they're the worst people in the world. I'm so afraid they'll find out about me. Also, because of this situation, I'm forced not to find any partner because they might find out. I'm so depressed because I don't have anyone to talk to. Also I'm afraid I may not find a partner and be lonely and single forever. I think my life is useless now and although I don't want to, suicide goes into my mind.. Please help...

Answer 1

First of all , You need to get a grip on reality. When your parents was growing up this was a tabooo thing. So anybody over 35 will not be ok with your choice unless they are gay themselves or maybe open minded. Killing yourself will not stop them from thinking the way that they do. Killing yourself will make them regret that you never open up to them. They will say things like we could have worked it out as a family or dealt with it even through it ment casting you out of our family. This is life and how you feel is your business once you get a job and a degree to support yourself. Love will come and go weather your gay, bi etc. people show up for love when the time is ready for them to show up. Live, get the support you need from groups that support your situation. But dont think killing your self will make the problem go away. Grow up and take responsibility for you life by living the best life possible. Futher more I'm a mom and i'm not gay or bi etc. I would much rather have a living son than one thats dead because he couldnt live with being who he was regardless of what I think. Specially if he was 19 and in college.

Chose these answers carefully. Since you know what you are be wise .always use a condom, stay away from drugs, get some education. Some of the most succeful people are bi, gay, etc. they just keep it on the down low. Dont marry a women and then see guys on the side it will really mess you up if you have kids be careful protect your self always. Make decisions you can live with.

Answer 2

Do you still live at home? Is there anyway you can move out, say with a roomate? Does anyone else know that you are bi?

I know that right now it seems that your life will be this way forever, but it won't. You need to concentrate on getting out of the house before your family finds out, and once you are on your own, you can pretty much do whatever you want. Don't let them tell you that you are wrong for feeling the things that you do.

As for not having a partner. Well, that will just be a matter of time. You need to become more comfortable with the fact that you are bi, and that you are willing to stand up for what you want. You will find a partner, and it's better to find them a little later on and have it work, then to be with someone right now when you feel so shaky, and then have it fall apart.

Life is ever changing and you never know what tomorrow can bring. It could be filled with wonderful stuff. Don't miss out on it.

Answer 3

If you are depressed and contemplating suicide, the most important thing you can do is seek counseling right NOW. A professional counselor will help you work through these issues much better than anyone online can.

Your comments suggest that you have not yet explored your desires with a partner. In other words, you are "bi-curious", thinking about it, but not having done anything yet. That's alright. When the time is right, you will find someone special with whom to explore you feelings.

If you are bisexual, don't worry. Ever since Kinsey, research has consistently shown that the vast majority of people are somewhere in the middle on a scale ranging from exclusively hetero- to exclusively homosexual. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

As to your parents, it would appear that as long as you live in their home, you will have to practice discretion both in your words and in your deeds. Even once you leave home, you should think carefully before revealing this aspect of yourself that is so taboo to them. It may even be that if you find yourself dating same sex partners that it might be best not to reveal this side of yourself to them unless or until you find yourself in a committed relationship with a same-sex partner. Just because parents love their children does not mean that they will or even necessarily should accept everything their children choose to share with them.

Becoming an adult means realizing that your private business is yours. Think carefully with whom you share your private details. It's none of their business until you tell them and if they can't handle it, it's foolish to pretend that they will. Think carefully about what you say and what you do.

Right now, however, find a counselor. Call and make an appointment NOW. It will be one of the best things you ever do.

Answer 4

Please don't. I was in the same boat. There are allways options outside of suicide. Your father will learn to accept you, and will still love you, even if he acts differently due to thr news.

What about your mother, many gay peopel can confind in there mothers first and get support and acceptance.

Others will listen, schools, freinds, support groups, other here on the internet. You will allwasy have freinds, so don't worry. It's a difficult thing to deal with, but you can make life the best whith what you have.

About the partner issue, why try and start so soon, make freinds, let your parents gey use to you being gay before pushing the whole thing on them at once.

Try making gay freinds first. You can contact me if you like, while I won't concider a relationship right now, We can talk and be freinds and Support. IM or contact me via e-mail. I will listen (I'm a 20 year old male in Chicagoland, just so you know who you are taling to if you contact me.)

Answer 5

Are you maybe rebelling against your family?

Having fantasies about women and thinking about what it would be like is totally different then it actually happening.

If you really are bi (or gay) and your parents are that anti-gay, maybe it would be better to wait till you are on your own and supporting yourself totally before coming out to them. You are 19, that does not mean you will be alone forever. There is a lot of life before you, if you let there be.

Take your time, get independant... and then come out if you need to.

Answer 6

The parent thing I completely get. I'm 16, bi, and my parents aren't to cool with it. I told them when I was 15 and they didn't take it to well since both are majorly prejudice and completely anti-gay, they have accepted the fact that I'm bi and still love me for it. They may not approve but they learned to live with it. I still refuse to get a girlfriend however. As for suicide..don't. It's painful to try and you regret it so much after wards, especially when your friend find out that you tried to kill yourself. Your life is not useless, nobodies life is. If you want to talk feel free to contact me.

Answer 7

Hi...You are young but old enough to make your own decisions! I'm a bi-male also but no one knows about my bi side!!! Find a female partner and see male guys on the side! I've been bi for over 20yrs and have been married...there are alot of sites to try for guys men 4 sex now dot com! Place an ad free in your local area... You can meet a female partner naturally!!!

Answer 8

I gotta say this and I don't want you to think I'm being hateful. This is simply my opinion, though. It sounds like you are really a lesbian but are using the bi classification to buffer your fears. First of all, you CAN be a lesbian (or bi) and not be out to your parents. Hunny, I'm 34 yrs old and I'm a lesbian and my mom and dad do not know. My partner is simply my "best friend" as far as they are concerned.There are ways to be in a same sex relationship without the entire world knowing your business. You have to pick and choose your friends wisely and pick and choose wisely who you come out to. Good luck, sweetie!

Answer 9

Hey Kid

I know all that you have been taught. It took me years and a seminary to be able to sort it out and know intellectually that it was wrong.

There is NOTHING wrong with you. *hug* you are exactly as you are supposed to be. You can hurt yourself, hide yourself, live celibately, or even marry and live a lie -- but you will never change.

Your real choice is not whether or not to be attracted to men. If what you say is true then you are attracted to men and you will be for the rest of your life. It's natural (see Bruce Bagemihl, Ph.D. "Biological Exuberance" St. Martins Press) and its normal for homosexual people (see the American Psychological Association and American Psychiatric Association statements on sexual preference) Your real choice is whether or not to be happy.

Right now you feel like your religion is telling you that you are evil, and you feel evil. When you masturbate you feel guilty for masturbating (you've been lied to by the way, nearly all males do masturbate) and you feel guilty for thinking about guys. You want to change, not because you want to, but because you have been taught that you SHOULD want to.

There is nothing wrong with you. If it is a religious issue, then know that many Churches and other faith communities embrace you as you are (United Church of Christ [not Church of Christ, the United matters in the name] is one, Evangelical Lutheran Church in America is another -- though they are not 100%, it is close; Protestant Episcopal Church is a third [again, not 100% of the parishes, but close], Metropolitan Community Church, Unitarians, Morelight Presbyterians, and on and on.) So don't think that the position a given church takes is universal, it isn't.

I've included a few links below that may be of use to you. Unless you want to examine your faith itself, I do not recommend going to the site I maintain (its in my signature block). The links in sources however may help you and I strongly suggest visiting them. There are also other books such as "Living in Sin? A bishop reexamines the question of human sexuality" by the Right Reverend John Shelby Spong, retired bishop of Newark (Episcopalian) -- but I doubt you can safely read such books at your home.

You are loved. If you need to talk to someone who will not judge you -- ever -- email me, that's in the signature block too or IM me on the rare occasions I'm on YIM.

*hugs always*

Reyn
http://www.rebuff.org
[e-mail]

Answer 10

You need to talk to someone, and probably not your parents first. You might even find out that you really aren't bi/gay at all. 19 isn't that old and you still have a lot of stuff to learn about yourself.