Are men just unsympathetic?

Question

I get that men and women think differently and are raised differently, but why is it that when men need comfort, their girlfriends and wives lend them a sympathetic ear and then tell the girlfriend or wife to "get over it" when they need some comfort. Or are men sympathetic and I just have one who is not?

Answer 1

My husband is very sympathetic....but then again, he isn't like most men in many ways.

Answer 2

I think men are just as sympathetic as women, they just express their sympathy in a way hard for women to understand and appreciate. If a man told another man his problems, and the listening man just sat there and said comforting things like "Oh, I'm so sorry!" or "I'll bet you feel real pain!" or "Men are such creeps, aren't they?" the man would NOT feel comforted. He would not feel emotionally sustained. First, he'd probably thing the other man was making fun of him. Second, he'd think that the guy doesn't like him, because nothing the guy says is helping him in his problem. Women may think this helps, or they may feel that it helps, but a man wants concrete suggestions on how to cope with the problem. How to solve the problem. Not touchy feeling empathizing which has no practical value to him.

So, when your man says "Get over it," he is expressing sympathy in his language. You have to appreciate that he doesn't know your language, and feels uncomfortable with your language. A man would understand that this helpful comment means that the problem is not something he needs to concern himself with. It is not such a big deal. Time will make it all seem irrelevant in a little while. The outside perspective, which a man would value, was that it is no big deal and he should not dwell on it any longer. If there was something to do he would give the man some practical advice.

Does this mean the man is less sympathetic than a woman? No, only that he doesn't really understand women. He is being sympathetic, and in his own way maybe even more so, but you aren't understanding his language, his way of thinking, and his culture. Maybe you need to explain to him, in a way that he understands, how you don't want a solution to your problem; you want someone to feel sorry for you. But, do you really want to turn men into women? Perhaps you should just accept him as he is.

Answer 3

I've been an atheist since I was 6 years old. Sorry, but religion just doesn't "click" with me. As for being insensitive, I've met more religious people who are greedy, selfish, unsympathetic, non-thinking, non-caring individuals, power hungry, and have no problem what so ever of killing those who are not of their religion, or those who disagree with them. If you look here in the US, and in the middle east, you see two groups that thrive on hate. Both sides would be happy shedding as much blood as they possibly can. And do so all in the name of "God." So, atheism being a danger to the existence of man? I firmly believe it's the other way where religion is the threat to mankind.

Answer 4

It's not that they are unsympathetic ... just the opposite.

When a man tells you things like, 'it's not that bad, get over it', etc, he is telling you the absolute best thing that he could hear if he were in your shoes.

My wife and I are so different, and I am very sympathetic when she has a problem, so I want to take her pain away by solving that problem.

But females are not helped by hearing a solution. They are helped by expressing the problem to someone, having someone listen, and they want someone to agree with them about how bad the problem is so they will feel justified in feeling unhappy or upset about the problem. Offering a female a solution is the last thing they need at that time, but men don't realize this.

People need to learn the 'platinum rule' Don't treat people the way YOU want to be treated, treat them the way THEY want to be treated.

I used to go nuts because I could see that what I said to my wife had the opposite effect of what I wanted to do (ease her pain), and when I asked her what I can say to help her, she would get mad at me. She thought that because I didn't know what to say, I didn't care. That's like getting mad at a plumber for not knowing how to fix your microwave. You have to tell your man exactly what to say and how to say it, and remind him BEFORE you start expressing your feelings. Eventually, he'll catch on.

It's a two way street. Women don't realize the power they have over men's mental conditioning. For example, if you ever call your man a jerk, or tell him other bad things about himself, you are actually programming his subconcious to be that bad thing. I told my wife early on that if I was being a jerk, never tell me that. Instead, whatever my problem was, whatever quality I lacked, to tell me that I was GOOD at it. This would program my brain, and I would believe her on a subconcious level and become a better husband.

I know it's hard to tell a slob that he is the most neat and tidy man in the world, but it really works. Try it and see.

SUCCESS!

Answer 5

Some men are like that. They have problems being sympathetic especially if they were either an only child or have been alone a lot. Also if they've had a rough time in the past with relationships or are going through a rough time in their lives. My fiance is sympathic most times, but he can be a handful because he has a bad past.

Answer 6

Men don't know how to do the "emotional" talk. They are wired to fix things, not to engage in "feelings" conversations.

If you want your garbage disposal fixed, talkto your man, if you want to talk about the emotional implications of having a bad hair day, call your girlfriends.

Men are just not like that, women are, That's why we listen. Women have their verbal skills more developed than men, and men are more hands-on people with strong mechanical skills, this is just how their brains work.

When men are approached with emotional talk, they become frustrated as they cannot "fix" the problem, Men don't understand that all we need is to be listened to and comforted.

Men are from mars, women are from Venus, great book to understand male/female psyque and how to be able to effectively communicate with each other.

Good luck

Answer 7

I would say that you are unlucky enough not to have found a man who cares or is unwilling to let his concern show. Whenever my wife is sick she gets my best efforts to take care of her ( there are 4 childern in the house so I can't say undivided attention ). I fix her chicken soup if that's what she wants, cool rag on forehead if needed, make sure she isn't bothered when resting ect. Now if I could just find someone to do the same for me, if she sees that I'm coming down with something she gets " sicker " than I am!!!! I have been forced to cook dinner for the childern ( and her ) when the smell of food makes me nauseus.

Answer 8

Sorry to hear that your husband is unsympathetic...I'll admit my husband has a tendency to turn me off if I start complaining...He does give me TLC when I'm really sick, though, so that's what counts...After 60 years of marriage I quit even telling him about my aches and pains...I think men only what to address things they can fix....If you have to have sympathy, call your mother...Just joking...

Answer 9

There are a lot of sympathetic men out there. Men that are loving, sweet, giving and understanding. I know because I'm married to one.

Answer 10

it's just hard for men to understand how women deal with problems..... i think that women are very "emotional" (and talkative), therefore it's easier to give, and really need, emotional support. men are very "physical" (and more likely to do something verses talk about something), therefore can give, and really need, physical support. you need to try and explain to him that sometimes you need him to just LISTEN to your problems..you're not expecting him to solve the problem for you, you are going to him for advice and support. he probably has to try a little harder to do that for you, but if it is important to you he will do it.

its not that he's "not sympathetic"; he does care, but just doesn't know how to express it in a way that feels caring in your eyes. try not to judge him right away...hopefully once you explain it in a way that he can understand, then you both can work on communicating better.