Do you think a woman who has her first child at 24 or 25 is "too young" My mom is butting in?

Question

My mother seems to think I should wait until I am "at least 30" to have my first child. She had my two little brothers when she was in her 30's and seems to think she is a better parent with them.

I think that is the result of raising two other children before she had her second set of kids. She also had many miscarriages and hard labors when she was in her 30's. She had my brother and me when she was 19 and 22.

My husband and I have been together for 5 years. We want to have a baby soon, if I got pregnant soon then I would be almost 25 when the baby is born. My husband will be 27.

We have a house, cars, a paid off home loan, and excellent careers. What's so wrong with being 24, married and pregnant?

Answer 1

First, ask you mom what kind of mother your Grandma was. Get her gushing about the sainthood and perfection and all the guilt that usually comes with that. When she is worked up to a foamy froth...

Ask your mom how old HER mom was when she had her?

As far as the actual question....

There is no "right" answer. You will NEVER be ready for kids. EVER. Nobody ever is. No matter how much money you save or what you own or how much you age or how your career is going. You will NEVER be prepared.

Having kids is a lot like inviting a tiny midget biker gang (no disrespect to biker gangs intended) to live in your body for a few months and then in your house for the next 25 - 35 years (notice I didn't say 18 years). After everything is turned upside down, pulled, stretched, and wrecked, they STILL keep coming. All that being said, I would not trade one second of my parental life or my time with my kids for anything on this planet.

Here is some perspective for YOUR mom: If you wait until you are 30 to have your kids, she will be 52 at their birth. If THEY wait until THEY are 30 to have kids, she will have to live to be 82 years old before she even SEES her grandkids. She will have to live to be 87 to see their first day in kindergarten, 96 before their first dates, and 100 years old to watch her grandkids graduate. She will have to be 112 years old to be a great-grandma if your grandkids follow her advice.

In short.. Being prepared to have kids isn't about age at all (or any other thing in the world for that matter). Just make sure you take care of you and your husbands needs as a couple JUST AS MUCH as your responsibilities as parents and you two should be fine.

Answer 2

for one thing, I think it is a personal decision and if both partners are over the age of 18 and want to be parents, then fine. In your situation, I really don't see the problem at all!

There are advantages and disadvantages to getting pregnant at different ages. I will use my husband's parents and my parents as examples. My husband's parents were 20 and 21. They were not as mature as they could have been, and therefore mades some mistakes that could have been avoided. My parents were in their 30's when they had their kids (ages 32 and 39 when they had their last), and now they are getting older and have much less energy to raise children than they used to. The result is that they have become lazy parents and have made some mistakes that could have been avoided.

Personally, I think you are the perfect age to have kids. Not too old so that you can't chase after kids anymore, and not too young that you still need to grow up. You are financially secure, and I don't see the problem. I am 22 (almost 23) and about to have my 1st, and that decision is between me and my husband. I value my mom's opinion, but the decision is ultimately ours. I would listen and consider your mom's advice, but ultimately decide what you think is best for you.

Answer 3

I agree with you, but not because of your age. I think maturity level is more important than age. I know some women who are 30+ but they still drink, party all night, have serial boyfriends, can't make a car payment (much less a house payment) and if they do have kids, the kids end up living with a family member or as wards of the state.

You, on the other hand, are 24 but you seem like you are emotionally and financially ready to have a child. So, if that is what you really want, and if you are absolutely sure that is what you want, then go for it!

Answer 4

Nothing is wrong with it....the chances of having a child with Downs Syndrome begins to increase after the age of thirty. So, if you really want a baby it would be best to do that sooner rather than later. However, being a mother at 26, I can only advise you to think long and hard over having children. Children are wonderful gifts, but they also come with a down-side, and an immense responsibility. My advice to you is - get a puppy....if you can manage to keep it and still love it a year later, then you would probably be ready to start a family...lol
Puppies and children are alot alike....they make messes, cry and whine all the time and destroy everything they touch!!!! Tell your mom thanks for her advice....then do what you and your husband decide is best for your family.

Answer 5

You sound like you are on your feet, and to me there is no reason to not have a baby at that age. I'm 21 and my fiance is 23 and we are expecting our first in November. I understand what you mom is saying, but she should realize that there are a lot more complications in having a child in you 30's. There is more of a chance you can have a miscarriage, or your child could be born with Down Syndrome or other problems. I think you should do what feels right to you...if you are both ready, then I say go for it! Good luck with everything :)

Answer 6

I was 24 when my 11 yr old son was born. I also have a daughter (7) another son (5) and another daughter who just turned 2. You're absolutely right. The only thing that makes me a better parent to my 2 year old is the trials, errors, and lessons learned from raising my three older children. You are more established in your life than most couples are when they become parents. Just let your mom know that you love her and respect her opinion but that she doesn't have voting power here. This is a husband/wife decision only.

Answer 7

Waiting until you're in your late 20s or early 30s will allow you to experience more of life. Having kids will impact that greatly. Try traveling to Europe or Hawaii with a 3 year-old. It's not easy!

Basically, you have to be ready and willing to sacrifice your time and energy to raise a family. If you are, then do it now and save the "see the world" stuff for later.

Answer 8

There is nothing wrong with being pregnant at 24, especially now these days where people don't wait to graduate high school or bother to get married first. It sounds like you and your husband are ready, but there are some things to think of. I think it awesome that you're both established and have achieved many things. But make sure everything you've wanted to achieve you have, like traveling.

Pros - you'll still be somewhat young when your kids go off to college. It is easier for you to get back into shape if you have your kids while you're younger. You have more energy in caring for them than an older parent (I was 38 when my daughter was born).

Cons - your life will no longer be your own for a minimum of 25 years. I have friends and cousins who had children young and though they love their kids, most wish they would have waited. Now they can't afford to travel to Europe/Hawaii, etc. They have to wait as they are putting money away for college. Your friends who aren't ready to settle down in the "family" life style will also treat you different, even though they say they won't. Our friends are older (30s) and some are still not ready to settle down and once we had our daughter, we got invited to a lot less functions as many were held in bars or a seriously bacherlor-party atmosphere. The only friends who could relate to us was one couple who has two kids. We started doing things with them more often. It is sad though as it feels like our ring of friends is now split in two. And mind you, we are older.

Because I chose to wait to get married (at 36) and have my first child at 38, I got to get my Bachelor's Degree, built my career as a stock broker, traveled to Europe, Canada, Mexico and Hawaii. In my mid to late 20s, I partied a lot and that is now out of my system. Having kids would have made the list above either non existent or extremely hard to accomplish.

I say wait, however, the ultimate decision is yours with your husband's. And don't worry about your mom... she is only thinking of what she feels is best for you. She'll love you regardless of what you decide. And once you become a mom, you'll realize her perspective.

Good luck.

Answer 9

There is nothing wrong with being 24 married and pregnant because most women have their children before their 30 so I think your ok with having a child before your 30

Answer 10

tell your mother to butt out! You seem to have got everything together and I don't think 25 is to young to have a child. I think it's a great age. I had mine when I was 21, and I think that is a good age to. I think 30 is to old to start having kids. Think about it, if you have a kid at 30, when the kid is 15 years old you would be 45, and to me 45 year old men/women are usually grandmas and grandpas. Not still raising kids of their own.