My ex always told me that I was the selfish one in the relationship. That it always has to be my way. But to be honest I felt I always had him as number one in my life. For example: He is very much into wrestling. He wanted to join an unltimate fighting group so that he could have his dream. I wanted him to be happy and i was happy that he was able to be in it but i feared that he would hurt his back since already has back problems. Another reason I was against it was b/c it was going to become a problem money wise. We were already struggling as it was and so he decided he wasn't going to do it b/c he just decided not to. Weeks went by and he ended telling me he didn't join b/c I didn't want him to live his dream. That I always stop him from living his dreams. So am I selfish or just realistic????
2006-07-12 09:32:49 · 46 answers · asked by Lady C 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
This is in NO way your fault. Even though you probably influenced his decision, HE was the one who made the choice to take this turn in HIS life.
If he is saying that you kept him from living his dream, its a real weakness on his part. It shows that he couldn't live up to/stick with his own choices that HE made.
And in the event that you really did make the decision for him, he shouldn't have listened to you. After all, it was his dream, and you stick with your dreams no matter what anyone else says.
So either way, it was his choice, and his fault that he regrets it now.
2006-07-12 09:37:53 · answer #1 · answered by ladyladance 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here's your answer .... Nothing is wrong with you at all .... your not selfish for seeing into it that he lives his dream. Its ok to be realistic but don't let it cloud his dream of doing something he wants. Come around softly when you want to get your point across but not abruptly. It discourages him and makes him feel like he's shackled. Nevertheless, the odds may be against the both of you financially, but keep in mind some risks aren't experiences with bad outcomes. Now he should of came to terms realistically if the both of you were in a struggle financially. If he loves you, then he wont blame you for his unlived dream. Love doesn't blame or put to shamed ... remember that. If anything, it should push him more towards his dream so happiness can come for the both of you.
2006-07-12 09:57:21 · answer #2 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are being both selfish and realistic. It's not a bad thing to feel the way you do but you have to be supportive. The best way to be supportive is to be honest...give your opinion..but only give it ONCE. After that you don't need to remind him that you don't agree with him. Dreams are usually a little unrealistic but if you don't support someones dream that is a huge negative in a relationship. It will never go away until he tries and fails on his own. This goes for YOUR dreams, too.
2006-07-12 09:48:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, your realistic & you told him how you felt, your not being selfish your thinking of his safety & your finances as a couple, it would be selfish if U told him straight out U can't because i this i that just what U want. I't his own falt that he didn't go ahead w/ it if U were willing 2 support his decision regarless he should of have went on w/ it. There nothing wrong w/ careing for someone and thinking that this would or mabey would not hurt your finances. Don't be so hard on yourself & don't let some blame U for not following their dream( People can't make other people do anything they don't want to do, that's why God gave you your own free will!!) Take Care of yourself & God Bless!!
2006-07-12 09:51:54 · answer #4 · answered by Diana.D1348 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen up baby,, ppl from the outside can see it for what it worth!! When you dealing with ppl chasing dreams its hard for them to let it go or just know they dont have what it takes... Its just like the prelimanary for american idol, some of them contestants be horrible and when simon or paula be like no way, they still be trying to sing.. Someone down the line someone lied to them and told them they were good to protect thier feelings.. So when they are denied thier dream they cry, because they were mislead... Dont go homeless putting money toward a dream, thats turning into a nightmare... And he is the selfish, if he knows its not working!!!
2006-07-12 09:40:40 · answer #5 · answered by illuminati_in_dis_bytch 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't listen to what these people say about you. You are living in the real world and it is hard to get by most of the time. Are you doing what you always wanted to do? Are you making sacrifices to keep your life together. When the time is right he will be able to do what he really wants. And if he really wanted to do it in the first place he would have done it whether you liked it or not. He is just trying to blame it on you so he won't have to put the blam on himself. Good Luck
2006-07-12 09:39:24 · answer #6 · answered by luckymom43 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, there is NOTHING wrong with you. If anyone is selfish, it's him because he was willing to sacrifice the hard earned money that you both very much needed for a dream. He is just being a guy, and from the sound of it, he is not for you. Dump him.
2006-07-12 09:41:23 · answer #7 · answered by Saphira 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Realistic, you was not being selfish. You were concerned for him. His back problems and such. Also as far as the money part, that is just realistic... not selfish. Selfish would be you telling him, No I want you to do (insert what ever here) and I want you to spend money on me, so buy me (insert something here)! You was not like that, and thus you were not selfish. He seems to be the selfish one.
2006-07-12 09:40:14 · answer #8 · answered by Fantasy Kel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's the selfish one. You were just being realistic. Sometimes we must put aside our dreams for the sake of our loved ones. Be strong!
2006-07-12 09:42:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Realistic.
2006-07-12 09:35:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋