Should I end it or should I give the relationship another chance?

Question

I have a great boyfriend and I do really care about him. But it seems he doesn't trust me. He always worries that I would leave him for another guy. But I told him many times I wouldn't because I care about him. But he thinks negative all the time. I mean there is times he makes my day great but then he makes me feel bad at times. He doesn't mean to do it. He also gets jealous easy too. I have a web page and he is on my buddy list. I always notice he checks it and see if any of my friends leave me a comment. But I don't want to be in a relationship that is always beening questioned all the time. i know that he had bad relationships in the past. But I told him to stop thinking so negative. He at times puts him self down. Thats makes me feel bad and upsets me. I don't know what to do. Am I the one who is wrong about this and try to give it another chance. He is only my second boyfriend I had. Please answer nicely. I need advice on this. I'm greatful for everyone who answers my problem.

This is hard to choose best answer because most of you all gave me great advice. So i'm going to put this for vote. I thank you all for your advice and answer. I'm really greatful to all of you. Have a great fun day to all. See ya. Thanks again.

Answer 1

No, you are not wrong. This is a tricky one. He has been hurt before and that's where his insecurities lie. You didn't mention how long you guys have been together but, you will need to be patient with him and keep the lines of communication wide open. Maybe seek some counselling too. Let him know that when he does these things, like putting himself down and checking up on you that it makes you feel bad. Let him know that if you didn't want to be with him, you wouldn't be. You could try by leaving random notes for him to find, notes that say you're thinking of him when your not around. Maybe he needs more time to see how much he really means to you.
Mind you, if this has been going on for a very long time, I would suggest the counselling as I said before, it's up to you if you want to keep dealing with this as I can tell it's very exhausting and heartbreaking for you.
Best of luck to the both of you.

Answer 2

Hi, my boyfriend has been sort of like this in theerstan past, so I understand what you are going through. The way you describe him, he sounds like a good guy with a good heart, but he just behaves negatively sometimes. I do think you should give him another chance if you love him. You need to sit him down and nicely tell him what he does that really bothers you. You need to tell him that when he does those things it just pushes you away, and that if he doesn't stop or cut down on this behavior that you won't be able to continue having a relationship with him. You need to also ask him why he doesn't trust you, and what you can do to build trust with him, and tell him it hurts you that he would judge you based on his past relationships. You need to give him a reality check, and maybe he will get his act together. It sounds like your boyfriend is insecure about himself, and thats where all the jealousy comes from, with time and maturity he may grow out of this- but it might also be something he needs some therapy for. You are completely justified in your frusterations, and you need to make them known to him. You don't have to make a fight out of it- just be honest. Give it a little more time, and if within a month he hasn't changed or made any efforts, then it is time to move on. Good luck!

Answer 3

He is very insecure hun, that is why he does the things he does. Make a nice dinner and get some wine and have a heart to heart talk with him. Tell him how it makes you feel when he acts like that. Sometimes when one is hurt really bad it tends to spill over to the new relationship. Maybe he needs some cousnling, you could offer to find it for him and yall both go. Be understanding of why he is acting like this but just tell him if he loves you and wants you then he has to trust you. I wish you the best of luck

Answer 4

I have had a relationship similar to this in the past and asked myself the same questions several times. We ended up breaking up and it was tough for me to get over at first. However, the next girl I dated showed me how a trusting and healthy relationship is supposed to be and it made me thankful that I decided to move on. So my advice is to let this one go because you are in an unhealthy relationship and you will be doing him a favor by helping him realize that things need to change in order for him to be in a healthy relationship. You will both learn a lot about yourselves from the break up and who knows, maybe you could get back together in the future.

Answer 5

Sounds like your bf may be very insecure. Perhaps from another relationship before you in the past? Whatever the reason, this can be a difficult accomplishment for him to overcome. I would have a good long talk with him and tell him, your with him and if you wanted another guy, well, you wouldnt be with him. Tell him you cant be with someone whho is insecure and untrusting and explain the relationship will not work out if this continues. let him know you want o be with him but also let him know you want to be happy in the relationship or there is no point.

Answer 6

OK Sweetheart Calm Down! I had the same problem with my Fiance...Yes it can work! My fiance had a problem trusting me because of things in his past relation ships, it took time and patience but he is finally ok now! I no it may seem like a lot of work forever reassuring him that you love him and you trust him and no-one else! but if you love him then it is deffinately worth it! Do special things with him, make time to spend it with just him even if it is ten minutes or so but make him feel special and loved by you show him that you love him dont just tell him! I had reall problems with my boy! he done the same thing at look at all my buddys in yahoo and msn msg! and would stand over my shoulder and whatch me talking and get upset when anyone sent me a kiss or a hug or call me darl or hn or sweetheart! but he is ok! i would get in trouble because a guy looked at me don the street, diffrent little things like that which really dont matter but to him they are huge and you just need to reassure him that you love him! TRUST ME...IF YOU BOTH WANT IT TO WORK IT WILL WORK BUT YOU MUST BE PREPARED TO DO THE HARD YARDS! I HAVE BEEN WITH MY FIANCE NOW FOR 2 YRS 3 MONTHS!

Answer 7

Sometimes that can make you feel good knowing how much he likes you but then on the other hand he has no trust there. The only true way is to show him how trust worthy you are, if he continues with this behavior and it doesn't seem to be working out then move on, he is in the wrong if you are trustworthy.

Answer 8

My sister is going through the same thing right now. Her boyfriend is a complete nag and it's ruining their relationship because he spies on her and tries to accuse her of things she doesn't do. My best advice would be to let him go. He will take your flame out very quicky because he will do nothing but smother you. You (all good women) need a man that not only respects you and your space, but understands and BELIEVES in you. Good Luck....I know how hard this can be.

Answer 9

I think he's a little too insecure to have a meaningful adult relationship right now. He can only really work on that on his own. It doesn't sound like he is capable of letting you help him right now. It takes time and experience and you should help him get help, but you have to let him go if you want him to learn. Maybe in the future you can re-connect and it will be better for both of you.

Answer 10

he probably has had problems with a girl in the past- in that case i would be worried too about something going on and would keep on my toes.

you have to let him know that you only care for him, and he has no need to be jealous. also tell him that this lack of trust is making you uneasy and it has to change or you wont be able to deal with him anymore. say it more nicely than that of course.