what to do?? I have been married for five years and they have been rough, married young and had child young.?

Question

My husband has decided to switch careers, kind of, it is just a dif. area same field. We are to relocate for about3 yrs, and then move again for another 3yrs. This is not the lifestyle I want to live, I already feel as though I am a single parent at all times and yes I work full time also.. I do it all.. He has made it clear that his career will come first, since we are not living together right now he is away at training, I have began to realize that there are certain things that I desire in life and things that I want, I have told him this and we just do not seem to be on the same page on ANY of it. I feel I owe it to the marriage to at least move and try it, but then another part of me does not want to go I have enjoyed my time alone . I have told him that things will need to change and told him what, I know that you can not change a person, we seem to have hit a brick wall any suggs, I have mentioned marriage counseling, but so far it has been a no go.. help

Answer 1

If he won't go...then how about you get therapy for YOURSELF? It seems like you have been through a lot and have a lot on your plate...anyone in your situation would need some help and guidance. A good counselor can help you through some of your problems, and also aid you in your decision-making process as to whether you want to move or not, and whether you want a divorce or not. It sounds like this marriage is on the path to seperation, to be honest with you, but at the same time, people have been through worse and gotten through it. Hang in there and do what makes you most happy. I really suggest personal counseling for yourself, and maybe even a trial seperation from your husband to see how it feels- you may feel free and wonderful, or you might miss him and want to work it out!

Answer 2

Did you 2 discuss his Job change before he did it? Just curious.
It is tough moving(we were military and did it a lot) and it is tough being a young parent. But you have made choices and now have a very heavy responsibility...raising a child with mom AND dad.
There were things I wanted that my husband did not agree so I put them on hold. I'm sorry but you 2 are the adults and the kid comes first. Unless he is beating you or abusing the child you should stick it out. So what if you fuss around the kid. Everybody fusses. Children are the ones that are hurt when divorce happens so please dont even consider that. There is no such thing as a friendly divorce. The child grows up without both parents in an intact family. It is always in their heart even as an adult. Start listing good things about your husband. What attracted you? Everyday think on the good things about him. Had to be some or you would not have married him. Love is a choice.
Choose to make it work. Just try for the childs sake please. m

Answer 3

To tell you the truth you are in a hard year of marriage. I've been married 10 yrs now, around yr 6; you really start to become more confident in your marriage... well, at least I did.

My husband is military, and I can understand where you are coming from.

I guess, you already probley know what YOU want to do. We cant help you decide your future.

I would suggest, giving it a shot. Move, try to settle in... see how it goes.

You don't want to just throw those 5 yrs out the window, 5 yrs is a long time of being married now days.

Answer 4

well you have not made it clear, what kind of career is it? if it is a career that he had when you got married then you knew what kind of life it would be, you have to ask yourself many question, in this day and age. 1is the move for better or worse, you can not change a person but you can find out what he wants for his family,and talk to him in a way that you are not giving him a ultimatum, if you are in love with the same man 5 years ago and have let him have his way and not talking to him from the beginning you have to sit down with him and talk to him about your feelings, you can not change him but you can come to some kind if agreement for both of you to accept, there is a compromise out there for both of you, that will be a beginning i believe in romance keeps the flame burning from the little things that don't cost anything but a little effort from both sides , but it might take you to start rubbing the 2 sticks together,you do know what i mean? if you give him something to think of you in the daytime it wont take him very long to be there in the nighttime, put on the best, take on the best, and watch the flames get hot that it will SIZZLE, go get your man.

Answer 5

It's all about supporting you and the children - work is always first, it does take away from the family life but when the bank accounts are full - everyone will live better. No body wants to work - but with two of you working it won't be long before you have vacation leave, money to buy the things you and your children like - sacrifice is a two way street for a better life.

Answer 6

Your husband seems like really stubborn headed. If he is not willing to talk, listen and compromise, then you both are heading for a "D". Its sad but true. Many couples who marry young go though similar problems, because many don't realize there is no room for "I" in marriage its only "WE". Maybe he does not mind loosing his family over his career.

But then on the flip side, maybe he is working so hard to secure a healthy financial future for his family, but on the cost of losing them, he has to figure it out if he it is worth it. Counseling only work if both are willing to listen and do as suggested by the counselor, or else its a waste of time and money

Answer 7

That is the problem with getting married young, you are still both growing and changing rapidly. How could you have known just a few years ago what you want today. Or for that matter what you will really want in a few years. Couple either grow together or they grow apart. It sounds like you are willing to adapt and compromise, but he is not. Explain this to him, face to face, with out the kid crying the background, and with plenty of time to discuss it, and if he can't see your side of the story, then you will have to follow through and leave him to get on with your life.

Answer 8

Been there done that..........Unless you guys are financially well off, I don't think you should move unless you are 100 % positive that you want this marriage to work. Are willing to make more sacrifices on the hopes that things will change on his part? It took me ten years plus his affair to finally walk away. Your husband sounds very selfish by always putting his career first. Sometimes people need to change up their priority's. Unless he realizes this, you're in for more of the same.

Answer 9

Wow, my suggestion is this. If you love him, and i mean really love him, move but when you say you enjoyed being alone, perhaps you don't have feelings for him any longer and it isn't fair to keep something going when you believe its over. Figure out what you want , whether it be the marriage or being single. Then decide

Answer 10

Counseling cant help the fact that his job sucks for you and your child.he isn't around to give you the attention you deserve. I am a pretty black and white person and either he is on board settling down with a job that isn't so demanding or the relationship is done. If he wants his family around he will make the right decision.