Why am I in love with my exwife when I know she is not good for me?

Question

I was married for 12yrs. My wife changed over the years and became someone I don't even know now. Her morals changed, ideals etc. She stopped loving me and being a wife 3yrs ago even though we stayed together until last Nov. I still love her even though we are separated and I want her to come back home.

Answer 1

because you were married to her for 12 years...that is a long time to live, love, argue, and get to know someone..and now there is a void where she used to be. You have come to rely on her presence and now it is gone..Don't worry, you will get over it eventually, and you can always talk to a counsilor or something, just to get these emotions out of you. Don't leave it all stuck inside, you'll explode...I lived with someone for almost three years and I still can't get over sleeping alone....that is when I miss him the most

Answer 2

I think that 12 years is a lot of history to make with someone. After all it's a little more than a decade. I've come to learn that often times we are addicted to 'abuse' if that makes sense. It seems human nature to want things that we either can't have or that aren't good for us. Instead of accepting those things that are. If your wife has changed and the change has been for the worst and not the better then it's time to take that love that you have for her and love yourself enough to believe that you deserve better and someone that will love you unconditionally. I don't know how religious/spiritual you are or what your relationship is like with God but I do know that he is able to fill that void within if you let him. People go through different wildernesses and storms throughout life. The wilderness is the point in our lives where we are lost and still trying to find our way through. The storm is some event that has happened that's testing our faith and in essence making us a little more resilient to life's challenges. In your situation your wife is in a wilderness which in turn sent you through a storm. When the storm is over you will be a better person for it. Who knows how long your wife will be in her wilderness but that's no reason for you to stick around after the storm has passed.

Answer 3

I had two marriges that lasted 10 years and I had to learn the hard way, look your use to having them around and when your all alone you think of them unfortunatly you like me think of all the good times and the sweet things that made you love her.......Now listen to this advice ......QUIT IT, JUST STOP IT, ARE YOU OUTTA YOUR MIND MAN! That should be a good start remember she don't love you that way any more THAT particullar woman doesn't exist any more and no matter how much you grieve for your loss it won't change that woman back into who you once new. Big hint "make a better choice" next time and try to remeber all of the unfair ways she hurt you and just know that they would only get worse if you got back together. The nice girl you once new does not exist any more. Sorry to be blunt but dude, I've been there, done that, hell I've even got the T-shirt! I feel for ya Bro but now it's time to give a deserving woman your heart, Peace

Answer 4

and became someone I don't even know now. Her morals changed, ideals etc. She ((Your first Indication about how stupid you truly are, if you want her back yet you really dont love her))

She stopped loving me and being a wife 3yrs ago even though we stayed together ((your second contradiction...SHE STOPPED LOVING YOU....so move the hell on))

Are you totally serious, you want the IDEAL of what she was, not who she is now....and your doing more damage day by day the longer you pine for her...MOVE on she doesn't love you she didn't love you..and wont love you again NO MATTER how much you CHANGE to fit in with her....
gosh..move on!!

Answer 5

Hello. It sounds as if you have invested a good amount of your being into this relationship. In not knowing the whole story and hearing both sides I can only surmise here. In being a man and having had some similar dating experiences I feel that it comes down to fear and our comfort zone. We fear the unknown and embrace that which is known. We want to stay attached to that which makes us feel comfortable. The fear of the unknown often pushes us further inward and into this KNOWN Zone of comfort. To help break the cycle of this I think a some conversation, mediation and journaling are in order. Conversation can come with a trusted friend or a counselor. It is definitely not a sign of weakness to seek help by talking to a trusted friend or counselor. Seeking help is a sign of inner strength and desire to overcome a troubling issue which is keeping you from living life to your full potential. Meditation is a powerful tool of insight to what is going on inside you. The world is a very busy place and presents a great many distractions. It is not until we shut those distractions out that we can truly hear the inner voices, thoughts and internal dialog we have going on. We can build upon this reflection time by journeying. Journeying for me is just having a written dialog with my self not being harsh or critical or caring about grammar or punctuation. You have the benefit of getting your feelings out and being able to track what your feelings are saying to you over the period of time that you journal. You can even see which events in your current life trigger thought of your ex and that relationship so that you can deal with these times better.

I wish you well and success on your journey of recover from this relationship.

Answer 6

I have to agree, you are "in love", with the memories. It is difficult to be apart from someone after 12yrs, but look at the good and the bad and then move on with a more positive attitude. There are a million people out there, maybe you should just try to find yourself and what makes YOU happy. I know it is easier said than done.. GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 7

My heart truly goes out to you as I know how hard it is to move on from such a deep love. All I can suggest is that you focus on moving on and don't try to deny you still love the woman you once were married to, just accept that things often dont work out. Maybe it was meant to be. Maybe there is someone else out there for you who you will fall head over heels in love with and when that day comes you will look back at your once broken heart, smile and say "it was meant to be because the woman I'm with now, I love 100 times more than my ex-wife". . . As one door closes another one opens. . . Be strong and believe in yourself!

Answer 8

When you fall in love with someone, you don't just fall out of love with them. It doesn't matter what you tell yourself in your head, your heart overrules it. You will need time to adjust to being without her. It could be too that you still love the woman she was when you married her, not the woman she has become. I dont' agree with those on here that bad mouth her. They don't even know her. You do and you still love her so that tells me something. You may never get over her completely, but you need to decide if you want to even TRY! Love yourself now. I think it's time.

Answer 9

Oh babe, it's called love. A love that will be in your heart and soul forever, nothing you can do about it. Move on, obviously she doesn't know what she's missing or what she's lost. Get out and socialize, there is someone out there can fulfill that emptiness you're feeling and put a smile back on your face.
Your ex has already let go --so should you. Why would you want someone to come back home who doesn't want to be there?

Answer 10

Only "God" knows why we love who we love. I can't answer that one, but I can say that if she is different then how do you know you still love her? Maybe you are just still in love with who she used to be or how she is in your mind. 12 years sounds like long enough for the two of you to have done all you can. Post a good picture of yourself up here and some woman might see it and say, "Hay, that's the one I want" it's worth the effort imo. Best wishes