What do I do about my untrusting husband?

Question

I have been married for 7 months. This is my first but my husbands 2nd. His first wife left him and tramped around town and he never thought he would get married again. I have never done anything to make him not trust me, but if he doesn't talk to me for a while he assumes I am doing something behind his back. I went to lunch with a female coworker and my phone was still on low by accident (I keep it on low so that when my husband calls or texts me at work everyone can't hear) and I didn't hear it ring at lunch and now he thinks that I am lying about who I went to eat lunch with. I love him so much and we both admit that we are each others best friends. He knows that he has trust issues but what do I do? He gets mad when something happens because its like deja vu for him. I understand he doesn't want to get hurt but what I don't know how to make him understand that I am not trash like his exwife.

Answer 1

I have been the untrusting partner ( and sometimes slip back to it once and awhile) but understand that these things take time. Getting burned and then putting yourself out there again is terrifing. He really need some counseling (go with him too!) and do everything you can to show him you deserve his trust. Dont get angry and TALK through any arguements. Dont let your frustration give him reason to think your being defensive. Time will only heal his wounds. The only question is are you willing to give him that?

Answer 2

I have had this problem with my boyfriend as well.
Unfortunately, the people in our pasts have scarred us for many reasons. I would sit down with him and talk with him, tell him how much you care and adore him, and tell him that there is no "funny business" going on. Tell him that you are not his ex and that everyone is different and you are not cheating on him. Show him (even tho you shouldnt have to) your receipt from the restaurant that you went to with your friend. If he truly loves you he will have to find a way to curb his "suspicions" of you. Show him how much you love him and tell him everyday. Whisk him away every now and then and dote over him. This way he will know that you are IN love with him as you were from the day you both said "I do" remind him that you said those two little words to him and not to anyone else. Hope that helps.

Answer 3

I cant speak for your husband but most men when they accuse someone of doing something its b/c there guilty and want to throw you off track so they wont get caught I wouldn't worry about it you know you didn't do anything wrong your married you shouldn't have to prove anything to him he should have enough trust in you tell him he is driving you crazy with the nonsense your not his ex wife you love him an would never do anything to hurt him

Answer 4

These people never get better. Leave now before you have kids and a trapped with him. I know you won't listen but hey I tried to warn you.

One other thing do you know his ex or are you taking his word for what happened? If you only have his word for things maybe you should give her a call and get her side of the break-up

Answer 5

Been there done that...turns out he thought I was cheating on him because he was cheating on me.

You have to sit down with him and tell him that your not her, you are a respectful person and wouldn't cheat on him and give him an ultimatum. If he keeps treating you like your doing something wrong, then your gone. You don't deserve to be treated like this.

My relationship got to the point where he stole my phone called every male in there and threatened them and told them not to talk to me because he thought i was cheating on him with them. This included co workers, cousins, etc. He also forbid me from hanging out with my female friends with out him (because all girls do when they go to bars is pick up guys). He demanded I give him my voice mail password so he could check my voice mail, all my email passwords. In the mean time he did all the things I wasn't allowed to do like going to bars with the guys, never let me touch his phone wouldn't give me any of his passwords.

It's very unhealthy is it really is abusive, even if it's not physical abuse, and unless he can get a hold of himself like my ex didn't, it will never stop and new stupid rules will come about.

Try talking to him, and I wish you luck, but it is a really sucky situation and they rarely get over it because they're still not over their ex.

Answer 6

He's the one with the problem, not you. He should seek help if it's something he can't deal with on his own. It also may be something that goes away in time. Trust is fundamental in a healthy relationship, and he needs to work on his. It may help to remind him that you and his ex are completely different people. Best of luck.

Answer 7

It sounds like he got married too soon after his divorce, and he is still a mess over it. Or, he could be cheating on you and trying to make it seem like you're the one causing problems to relieve himself of his own guilt. Either way, it doesn't sound good.

Answer 8

This is something that needs to be dealt with right away. It will only get worse if you don't address. Go to conseling. Make sure you find a couselor you both respect.

Answer 9

It is his problem not yours. You keep being honest and fatihful to him, but do not allow him to track you, or check up on you excessively. Tell him where you are going to be and be there. I think he needs to get some counseling, you are doing the right things already.

Answer 10

I agree with the person that said he needs counseling asap. This situation will not be overcome easily and you should NOT be blamed for something his ex allegedly did.