2006-07-12 07:06:39 · 26 answers · asked by heaver_2002 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
we are getting married on saturday. He doesnt cheat on me i know that, but it is like i dunno he says HE IS A MAN THATS WHAT MEN DO. but it isnt that big of a deal if we do it together. just i dont like it when he lies to me about it, WHEN he has been caught. know what i mean?
2006-07-12 07:14:19 · update #1
i guess it depends on how much he is addicted to it. does it affect anything else in his life? is he late for work, is he not getting any sleep, is he not spending time with you? is he charging up the credit cards with porn? is he not having sex with you?
if he's doing it on his own time and it isn't affecting anything else try not to let it bother you. maybe you should try watching it with him...seriously. maybe you can make a deal where he can only watch it or look at it with you...just a suggestion.
A lot of guys look at porn...its normal.
2006-07-12 07:14:03 · answer #1 · answered by murfeezlaw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most guys are "addicted" to porn, but few are really genuinely addicted. I put "addicted" in quotes because most guys just really like porn and don't want to give it up. But that's not addiction. Addiction is that he'd rather keep the porn and lose YOU. If that is the case there is nothing you can do. But if he just really likes porn you may be able to get him to stop by threatening to call off your relationship. Be aware however that he will resent you for it and probably sneak peeks at porn when you aren't around. You'll have to watch him like a hawk for the rest of your life.
Why bother? Why not just accept that he likes porn, and let him look at it occasionally? 99% of men do, it's harmless unless it's interfering with work or his home life. If not, let him do it, "don't ask, don't tell" and all will be good.
Another alternative is to guide him toward "couples" porn sites that are designed for you to enjoy together. The images are tastefull erotica not smut - you might even find it enhances your love life.
But if you are going to be very thin skinned, closed-minded, and issue ultimatums, most likely neither him nor you will be happy with the relationship that results.
2006-07-12 14:17:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are crazy. I am glad you asking this before Saturday. I don't think I can help you, because I don't understand people's addiction to porn. To me most of it is beyond nasty. So, I would be worried too. It's not all a man thing, because my man does not look at it. Not to say he hasn't look at a Playboy magazine, but it's not in our house. He has more respect for me than that, and he doesn't need it. I imagine you feel hurt by this as a woman too. Why if he has you does he need this crap. I am not sure, but it is something to think about. Some couples enjoy that sort of thing together, and that's cool if they both agree. But to me, I don't want to be around that hard-core stuff. There is some sick stuff, and I can't imagine having to look at much know it is in my house or my husband is looking at. So, it's your call-what are you going to put up with-how far are you willing to let him carry this addiction--Your future husband needs to recognize your concerns and respect you enough to find a compromise if you are willing to deal with it to some extent. If not I would let him marry one of those pictures and let it keep him warm at night. Then you go find a man that would love you and respect enough to put that crap away. God bless..
2006-07-12 14:38:27 · answer #3 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you aren't crazy- that's why they call it an ADDICTION! I would be questioning whether are not I want to deal with this person for the rest of my life. This situation will not go away over night - and if I were you I would be suggesting some type of counseling or demanding that this nonsense stops before marying all together if it really has hurt you this much.
2006-07-12 14:13:18 · answer #4 · answered by stallworth_s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not crazy and I think we all struggle with this world of porn our guys look at. I dont think he is any different than any other man. Dont base your decision to marry on the fact that he like porn unless he has an addiction to it.I found I have to set limits on it but if I say dont ever look at it I know that makes it all the more tempting to him. Remember these girls are fake and airbrushed and some looked drugged etc and you are the real thing..Good luck...
2006-07-12 16:14:10 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be hurt a where this is concern but you need to adress the real reason why hes addicted to this . talk to him about this most guys see this as nothing wrong however this can in some instance lead to other things you both have to talk alot about this and find out what it is that is attracting him to this if there is something that is lacking in your sex life and address this issue together getting angry with him would only push him futher so be careful when talking to him let him see that you are willing to make the changes required for him to help him in this state even if it means that you have to be a lot more open minded where your sex life is concern...well goodluck........
2006-07-12 14:16:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looking at porn and a porn addiction are two very different things. if he cannot perform without the porn or if it has taken over his life that is an addiction. If that's the case you're crazy for marrying him.
2006-07-12 15:58:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you might be crazy to marry someone with any kind of an addiction that is going unchecked. Step back and look at this as objectively as possible. If you REALLY think that this is the man you want to spend your life with, that you want to have CHILDREN with.....wait, stop right there. It would be stupid and even dangerous to marry someone with this addiction. Don't do it, please.....I think it is a BIG mistake.
2006-07-12 14:11:34 · answer #8 · answered by I am Sunshine 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it bothers you, then it needs to be dealt with before you walk down the aisle. Some porn, should not be an issue, but if he is addicted and this is causing problems in your relationship then get yourselves to couples counseling (or him alone if he'd prefer) before you say "I do"...
Don't go into a marriage with issues that are that serious...they'll just become more serious issues after the ceremony...
Good luck!
2006-07-12 14:11:02 · answer #9 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am hurt over my husbands porn addiction. and i just recently (after 1 year and 4 months) gave up and made a compromise. he only gets to do it if i am away and since i am a stay at home mom. he can do it on Saturdays. that's it. he agreed to it.
2006-07-12 14:11:37 · answer #10 · answered by taby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋