Why do I continue to hurt myself? emotionally?

Question

I hate to be boo-hoo type, but the truth remains that when it comes to men; I only continue relationships with a s s holes.

Last Friday I went on a horrible date. He was an arrogant, cocky, pig-headed jerk...

I just called him so we can get together.

I know tons of great guys, most in relatinships and have different interests than I do.

I am guilty as a repeat offender to negelecting my own true happiness.

Any insight on this?

Answer 1

It almost sounds like *you* were using *him*. You said "I just called him so we can get together."

Maybe he's useful because you know he's a loser, so it's okay for you to call him when you're lonely and then dump him when you no longer need him. With a "nice guy," that would be tougher--you would feel obliged to commit more to a "nice guy."

So maybe the losers are just more convenient (in terms of just calling them up for short-term kicks), whereas "nice guys" are more scary because they would require more commitment on your part.

I'm not judging, by the way. I'm just throwing a thought out there for consideration based on that one passage, and also the impression I got that you go through these losers pretty quickly. It sounds like maybe the losers are kind of convenient for you, in a way. If it's true, then I don't see any particular harm in using and abusing losers. They kind of bring it on themselves. [shrugs shoulders]

[Added later:]

Longer-term, maybe you could investigate why you might be shying away from relationships with the "nice guys." One assumes that you have a little commitment phobia. But you didn't really get into that in your question.

Answer 2

It's very possible you have a fear of being alone, so you're willing to settle for whatever's there at the moment, just so you won't spend your evenings wishing there was someone else with you.

Of course, I could be completely wrong. I'm no psychologist or therapist.

A suggestion is that maybe you start hanging out with your girlfriends, and get some advice on how they met/found their boyfriends or husbands, or if some of them are single like you, go "guy-hunting" together. That way you have their opinions of your interests to fall back on. It might help.

The most important thing you need to take into consideration is your happiness. Think about yourself first and foremost!

Answer 3

You need to look at the social situations that you're meeting these people in. I don't know where and how you are meeting these people, but the best rule of thumb is that bars, clubs, parties, and places of that sort are going to severely limit your chances of meeting a guy that is going to treat you with decency and respect. If you are not already, put yourself in social situations of a different sort - we all know the stereotypical ones like church, coffee shops and campus, but really any place you can meet someone who is somewhere where they can be themselves, honest, and not trying to impress anyone works. And the most important part - never look, let that special someone appear without looking for them - it's been my experience that keeping to your standards and waiting rather than lowering standards and looking always leads to better results...good luck!

Answer 4

Someone must have really hurt you at some time, or you have a need to be needed and judged by these men. It's a common thing that most women have, including myself, and there aren't a lot of ways to get over it. Time, experience, true love of self, and from another will ease the pain.

Answer 5

A lil personal information on me, me and my fiance just broke up. it was a good relationship at first as all others. but the past 4 months he has hurt me emotionally so much that there is no one that would understand.

Finally last night was the last straw and i had enough after him taking my car, overdrawing money from my bank account from taking my debit and credit cards, purpousely bent the door frame of my car because i was alseep and didnt hear him at the door to let him in, then last night i found out that he told my best friend that he wanted to do sexual things to her and it was his fantasy.

i have been hurt enough and things i know are going to be so hard for me. i know that i have had enough and it is time for me to move on. what i have learned that has helped me the most was family and friends supporting me. at first all they did was put me down and tell me "i told you so" and things like that but love was overcoming all that for me. now everyone is supporting me and it has helped me find the strenght to move on.

Now I have realized that if he loved me that things wouldn't be the way they are. I deserve better and i need sometime to myself. i have the rest of my life to find mr. right and i know it will take me awhile to find him but he is out there and he wont treat me this way.

This just takes time. it something that once you have had enough you will stop putting yourself in those positions. its nothing that you can really do. i finally have put up with it long enough and one day you will have enough and find the strength to move onto better men.

Answer 6

When U said " so we can get together " you mean U need it to have sex?
Just start dating people out or your circle people U would never date before to see what happens and don't be so easy.

Answer 7

Some people would rather be with a creep than be alone. It's especially harder for women because we are conditioned to believe our value is derived in relation to other people. When you get tired of it, you will make new choices.

Answer 8

Maybe because your comfortable with it? Why do you think so little of yourself? Can't you look in the mirror and say I deserve to be happy? If not maybe some consuling might be in order..

Answer 9

poor self image and some people like yourself like putting quarter's in the *** kicking machine and get a perverse pleasure out of beating your self up emotionally