My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years and during this time have seperated 3 times and 3 times I have gone back. Not only because he begged me back but because I wanted to try and work things out as well. The problem is every time I do go back, things are great but then a few months down the line they are back to the same old thing. I am not blaming all of our marrital problems on him but he doesnt put near as much effort into it is I do. I moved again (3rd time) in May and now he is telling me the same old things trying to get me to come back. This time I really thought that we were just tired of it all and now I find myself wondering what if again......
2006-07-12 05:28:56 · 26 answers · asked by sm in nc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you've been separated 3 times already and you've only been married 7 years, then you probably shouldn't be married, honestly. No more "what if"s, just keep away this time. You're obviously having too many problems to truly reconciliate. Just my opinion, and I've been married 8 years with very few problems.
2006-07-12 05:40:58 · answer #1 · answered by LoonieGirl 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am/was in a very similar situation. We have been together for 9 years, married for 7, left 3 or 4 times and always came back after being begged. Always things went down the tubes after a few weeks or months. We did counseling for a year and it didn't help. I finally realized a month ago that I am living my life in misery and for what? It will never get better. We are incompatible obviously. Yes a marriage is work, but it isn't supposed to be the hardest job on Earth! I have filed for divorce and had him removed from the house (we have kids and the judge ruled it is in their best interest to stay in the home). I feel so much better already. All the things that I have put on hold for someday, I can actually make plans for now. I have hope again, and that is a wonderful feeling! I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that I know I made the right decision for me and my family.
2006-07-12 05:38:50 · answer #2 · answered by babyred 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother lived like you have been for 45 years including 3 divorces and marriages TO EACH OTHER... At the end of the relationship, my mother went back one last time and he not only cheated on her, he did it right under her nose, in her house and when they split up, at 64 years old he left her penniless and living in a rent subsidized apartment building on social security after a lifetime of cooking, cleaning, taking a back seat to his every desire, putting up with the fact that he is an as*shole and raising his children. She is happy now that she is away from him. Happier than I had ever seen her my whole life. But I still feel that she deserved better in her golden years... She deserved the man and the rewards that he gave the whore for free.
As for him, he is living on a golf course, in a million dollar home with this whore and treating her like a queen. You have your own life to lead and you have to make your own decisions but here is a real life example for you of what could happen when you don't learn to make up your own mind based on what is good FOR YOU!
honestly... I did the same thing for 8 years and the only way I got rid of the temptation to listen to all his bullsh*it is to move out of the state and I did!
You have to stop waiting on people to come around. You're not a failure if you can make him change nor is it your right to try and change anyone. But some men, knowing exactly what you want have an excellent form of manipulation in their hands in that they know how to give it and do...but only to get what they want. Men like this also stage these scenerios and cause the fights that make the break-ups so that they can see other people once every couple of months or years and use you as an old stand-by when their latest fling doesn't pan out.
It is only my opinion... But get rid of him! Choose your own happiness and or misery. At least if you're miserable without him, it is YOUR misery, it belongs to you and you made the choice to have it. and if while you're being miserable you let Mr. Right into your heart. Well revenge is sweet now isin't it?
2006-07-12 05:42:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been through the same thing but I left and went back many more times than 3. We even divorced and remarried. This time so far we havent had any problems we are going through marriage counseling and we have learned the hard way to keep outside interference out. Mostly family. If you feel that your marriage is worth saving and you and your husband have a chance to change the way things are try it but tell him this is the last time.
2006-07-12 05:35:20 · answer #4 · answered by Monique 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is it that you expect from him specifically that he's not giving to you? If you are unable to write it or express what it is that you are not getting from him in this question you've posted I can understand how he's not getting what exactly you really want.
Marriage counseling - helps - open up the lines of communication between two people who really want it to work. Sometimes husbands can't read between the lines - they just don't get it and have no clue.
7 years of marriage is a long time - and can get a little stale - you fall into a rut - it's really called the 7yr itch - see a counselor it does help.
2006-07-12 05:39:17 · answer #5 · answered by Leila 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a very hard decision that only you can make. I have been in that situation before with my ex-wife and we actually seperated 4 times and then we decided to go and see a marriage counselor the first thing that he told us was that if you all have seperated at least once then you shouldnt be together. Becuase when you get married you share that bond with each other when you seperate it it very hard to get that bond together. If you have kids with this man never go back becuase of the kids becuase now that me and my wife are seperated we get along better plus our kids dont have to deal with all of that stress that is caused by their parents always feeling down not talking to each other. If you want to talk more please email me at wayd06@yahoo.com
2006-07-12 05:36:08 · answer #6 · answered by Waydell F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope there's no children involved because the confusion could be a problem in the future on there mentality. If there is no kids then you really need to move it right along and get a life meet new people and try to find someone whom you can communicate with and you will know because it sounds like your in hell now so believe me you'll know when you have reach heaven.....
2006-07-12 05:38:30 · answer #7 · answered by aboitoi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe after 3 times it is over. You seem to be just afraid of taking the next steps to move on. Trust me I have been there it is very hard but you must go on with your life. Love does not make a marriage work by it self. I really believe you know what to do you are just afraid to make the first steps. You might surprise yourself and be happier apart.
Good luck
2006-07-12 05:35:43 · answer #8 · answered by ange 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At a point you have to realize that things will not get better. If nothing else, make him wait longer to give him a better wake up call that things are nearly over. the longer you push things off the more he will see that you mean business. If you do give in after a longer wait and things get worse again. Cut him loose and look elsewhere. Life is too short to play games like that.
2006-07-12 05:32:50 · answer #9 · answered by Butkusman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I spent the last 2 yrs going through the same thing. We broke up again and he is calling to get me back again. Again and again and again. Its the same damn thing over and over and over again. I overlooked things before and went back. Where did that get me ? Where has the 3 times gotten you ? I wish he would straighten up and fly right but my wishing is not going to make it so and I feel like I'm paying the ultimate price to hold it all together. I need peace in my life and I'm going to get it.
2006-07-12 05:34:00 · answer #10 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋