I'm a working mom, partnered and stressed out. I have 3 kids who take up too much of my time when I'm home, I can't rest. I have days I regret being a mother and when I do, I feel guilty afterwards for feeling that way. But those days are beginning to become quite frequent and I'm worried I might start resenting having kids and being married as well. Any thoughts on this? Am I a bad mother?
2006-07-12 05:03:04 · 9 answers · asked by Equinox 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your question made me cry. You need to find some way to spend some time with yourself. I don't know how old your children are, but you might feel alot better if you even took 15 min a day to take a bubble bath, or meditate. If you are meditating maybe the family could join you play a guided meditation tape. Go for a walk. Tell them that for 1/2 hour after you get home you need to destress so go to your room close the door and relax. If none of these things work you seriously need to think about seeing a counselor. Your question made me cry, because I too was a stressed out mother of 5 girls and I was overwhelmed, but dealing and then my life got turned upside down! My daughter told the school that her dad had been sexually abusing her and CPS removed all my kids :(( I yearn to have those days back. I miss the laughter, the tears, the homework, the kids running in and out, but most of all I miss the hugs. I am fighting to get them back and it has been 3 years. So please PLEASE I'm begging you enjoy your children, so what if there are dishes in the sink take the time to read a story or just sit with them to watch a show they like, or take a walk don't give up enjoy your kids while they are home! You never know when it can be shattered. Remember I would trade places with you in a second. I miss my family. If you want to read my full story it is on my yahoo360 page. ((hugs))
2006-07-12 05:16:25 · answer #1 · answered by lilwolf_misty 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you are a bad mother. I, for one, have chosen to not have children, so I understand where some one my not appreciate the parental lifestyle. I am a housewife dedicated to the goals that my workaholic husband and I have for our life, so I also understand the dedication to career and the stress it brings.
But with that being said, I do think that by having a husband and 3 children you made choices in the past that no longer fit the goals you have for the present and future. Even though you quite literally (most likely) haven't got a spare minute in your life, I really think you should speak with a life coach/counselor because you feel resentment toward your family for choices YOU made (displaced frustration) without truly knowing where you wanted your life to go.
You already feel horrible and I'm assuming, guilty, for being torn between your desires for career and the responsibility of family. It will not get better. And if you choose career over family or the other way around in it's totality, you will ALWAYS feel guilty either way for the rest of your life.
Career driven people tend have trouble balancing work vs. family and help yourself AND your family by taking the 45 minutes a week to meet with a specialist to help you figure out how to have the best of both worlds. It will be the best time spent out of your week - I'd bet anything on it (as long as you find the right counselor for you, that is).
Best wishes to you and your family, my heart goes out to you (and them).
2006-07-12 12:24:38 · answer #2 · answered by Kher 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have these same feelings almost every day. u cant give into it or let these feelings keep u from being a good mother. i dont think im a bad mother and u arent either. maybe were just a bit overwhelmed by motherhood. try to get some breaks if u can. my kids are older now so its a little easier. spend alone time w/ur partner. very important. my husband and i go out at least twice a week. stop beating urself up and do the best u can. thats all that can b expected of any1.
2006-07-12 12:15:54 · answer #3 · answered by scooter trash 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Too hard to judge your parenting skills with just a little information. Talk to your hubby, it sounds like you need a break. Either an hour a day with no interruptions or some time out with just you and hubby. Life can be hard, we need time to center ourselves and re-group. Stop trying to do it all and accept that you can't do everything. You are not a failure if something is left undone. Possibly you should see a Dr for depression? Forget the stigma, read about it on line, if you have the symptoms get some medication. I think it is less about your kids and more about you needing a break. Stop stressing and try to enjoy your life. You have 4 people who love and need you, which is more than some people have. Hang in there, the moments of loving amazement are worth every moment of stress and frustration.
2006-07-12 12:14:35 · answer #4 · answered by jodi M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We are all humans. I don't think any mother dares to admit to the world that they regret having kids or being married. It would say that she is a cop out or a failure. But it is the reality. Admit it or not, these are very real feelings. If they were to ever admit it to their family members or friends they are afraid it will land in the ears of their children and they will feel bad and resent her for regretting having them. It is a very personal thing to admit to which will affect them in the future, so they don't admit it to anyone for fear of repercussions.
It's best not to have so many kids. One is the ideal. We have heard of horror stories of ungrateful or useless kids on drugs, kids who don't want to work but just bum around. They are a total burden to society, useless to themselves, their lovers and out of wedlock kids and to their parents.
You are not a bad mom, just someone who see things as it is. Do not give too much of yourself to your kids nor your husband. Know when and how to ask and get what is rightly yours ie more time just for yourself, respect from them, help with domestic work and appreciation. Be a bit more demanding and less giving. Don't be afraid to discipline. In the end your kids will turn out to be better people, useful to society and your hard work will not be in vain.
2006-07-12 12:19:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am also a working mother who has 7 children and one on the way, and i can relate to your feelings, never anytime for yourself.. always something that needs to be done, i know.. i think alot of it is stress, you love your children but try to find a time for you.. no make a time that is just for you to relax even if it is for an hour or so you deserve that , and i think you will find that you dont regret having your kids and that it was stress... just take it one day at a time,and cherish the memories you make with your kids now because someday soon they will be grown and gone...
2006-07-12 12:10:39 · answer #6 · answered by sassy_girl200501 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello!
I have three as well ages 9-18.........I too work full time....never a moment to myself. Actually, I do not have advice for you. Just wanted you to know you are not the only one......yes, its normal to sometimes resent it......its just stress and a very strong feeling of overwhelming that people that aren't parents will never understand.......Hang in there....try to etch out 20 minutes 3 or 4 times a week for exercise if you aren't already doing this....exercise does WONDERS for stress!!!! Good luck to you!!!
2006-07-12 12:19:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
its completely normal...i have five boys and two step sons and i go CRAZY at times and wish they were anywhere but where i am at the time....but i love them more then life itself and i know this and so do they...chances r u just need a break from them...see if someone wont take them for the night and go do something u have been wanting to do....dont call to see if they r ok and dont worry about them...they r fine unless someone calls u to tell u other wise....just go out and be a non mommy for a night
2006-07-12 13:26:53 · answer #8 · answered by butterfly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that kind of making me mad becasue you should of thought about that before you married and having kids. and Yes Kids do take alot of our times.
I have kids and after work I go home and do things with my kids yes there no time for relax..what I do i get up 4 am in the morning and it my time and kids still a sleep.
I don't like people said kids take up my time becaue I never get a rest. You knew what going to happen. I felt so bad for your kids. and When they grow up and they will remember that you so upset that you never have time for yoruself and all that... If kids remember man you will be really wish you didn't say that...
Not a bad mother just you need to take care of kids. that the whole point look at me and my wife and when we went to Anniveristy and guess what with out kids we so bored and we went pick them up and be with us oh my gosh it was the best thing ever for us..... Seem that you really wish you were not married and not had kids. Well damn it happen and you have to take care of your kids. and if your husband not helping you then you have a plm....... My mother told me wish I wasn't born you know that. Ohhhh she beat the crap out of me becaue I am no body to her and She tells me I wish I put you in foster home.... all that things she did to me and Guess what She no longer in my life. she found out that I have 2 kids and married she want to be in my life. I told her no...You the worst mother ever treat me like that and she even say I never have time because of you... So now we no longer talking to each other for 5 years now and I am glad.... not worth becasue she and dad bring me to this world.. why take out on me??? I didn't pick them they both had sex and then she have me.
Think about it. what you saying. or kids going to be like me not want you around in life.
2006-07-12 12:41:25 · answer #9 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋