Co-worker dilemma???

Question

First off, I am in an inter-racial relationship, which to me is not a big deal, I am attracted to the person as a whole not their skin color, but my co-workers all have some sort of problem with it, including my boss and supervisor. They are all very closed-minded and make comments about black people all the time. Like my boss, who knows my situation (my boyfriend is 1/2 black) makes statements like 'I would disown my daughter if she ever came home with a black man' etc, and my supervisor makes comments about how people should stay within their races. They aren't ever rude to him like when he calls they talk to him but it really frustrates me to hear these little comments all day long for the past 2 years. And I know everyone has their opinions but when they know I am with someone of a difference race i don't feel like it should be said right in front of me on a constant basis. I feel like I am going to explode on someone if i don't say something soon but I don't how to say it... help!

I don't want to be rude so what is the best way to confront this situation?

I work in the office, small company, only me, my supervisor (who does all HR aspects) and my boss (plant manager who always side with my supervisor)

Answer 1

You need to start keeping a journal that includes every comment that you find offensive or intrusive.
Unfortunately, I think these folks are never going to think differently than they do. They are already accustomed to being openly brazen on the subject.
You need to speak to your supervisor, and your boss, and explain to them that you are well aware of their disapproval of your relationship, so the constant comments, and statements are redundant. They no longer serve a purpose. Their constant repetitive commentary doesn't make their opinion of your relationship any clearer than it already is. Calmly explain that there should be boundaries regarding what is acceptable as a subject for conversation in the office, and that your relationship outside of work should not be considered as being within those boundaries. Tell them that you were not raised with their same beliefs or values, and though you understand their position, you find it a little too personal a topic to discuss openly in the office. If you approach the situation with maturity, you may get somewhere.
Their comments are racist, prejudiced, infalmmatory, unprofessional, and should stop. Just because they are cordial with your boyfriend doesn't make it less unacceptable. It is illegal to ostracize you, single you out, or penalize you in any manner for your personal relationships, which I'm thinking is exactly what their reaction will be once you've called them out. If they begin to negatively alter your work environment, or you suffer consequences that are not directly related to your job performance, then you are illegally being subjected to a hostile work environment due to an issue of race. Get copies of your HR records, such as attendance, pay raises, evaluations, etc.
If it comes to the point that you can't work there, then you should absolutely see a lawyer, and sue for discrimination.
They need to keep their crass commentary out of the office. You need to ask them to discontinue their active partipation in such conversation, politely. You've been more than tolerant while waiting for this to go away on it's own. If you explode in somebody, that will become the central issue, your behaviour, not theirs. You explode, get slapped with a disciplinary action, or lose your job, it will be because you are a hot head who doesn't know how to conduct herself at work. No one will learn anything from you if you blow up.
So, if the polite request goes unheeded, try to ask again. If they punish you for your request, take them to court, so that they remember not to do that to you or the next poor soul who goes to work for them.
Good Luck.

Answer 2

Everyone is a member of a protected class in one way or another. Does your employer have any type of policy in place for harassment or discrimination? If not, it will have to be dealt with on a case by case basis-how much energy do you want to put into this? If someone makes a comment, just say, "are you aware that your comment just offended me?" and smile. If they keep doing it, walk away when they talk badly about others. I have to say that you are working with some very immature people. I hope your company provides a good or service that is worthwhile, because if customers or clients overheard these comments, the business could be looking at a serious lawsuit. People won't put up with that type of thing and you shouldn't have to. One thing I would definitely do is limit his calls to work-do the comments seem to occur more frequently after he calls? If you have a personal cell phone, have him call you on that instead of the office phone. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Answer 3

I guess you need to determine what you want to tell them.

1. Is it back off you racist pigs?
2. I love him and I don't care?
3. A variation of the above themes?

You're correct. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but voicing them at work is a definite no-no. I don't know where you live but it's an offence that can get you fired, suspended and your career derailed here.

Let them know that you appreciate their opinions but their comments will not change your mind in regards to pursuing this relationship and that the topic of inter-racial relationships is a closed one in your books. If they do not cease, have a look at your company's HR policies.or government legislation...not only are they being racist...they're harassing you. Do not be afraid to take the matter up with upper management. No one has the right to interfere in your day to day business....so as long as you and your sweetie aren't making mad passionate love on company property they can all take a hike!

Answer 4

You could handle it with humor and say stuff like '"thank goodness I'm not your daughter."

Or you could be truthful and say something like," It is very offensive when you say things like that, just because you believe I am doing the wrong thing doesn't mean that I am." Tell them that you are glad that you were raised in a more open minded environment and that you appreciate the things that your parents taught you. Tell them that they are missing out on so much in life because of the way they think, there are friends out there that they will never have because they shut people out because of their skin color.

You are a better person than they are and don't let them get to you.

Answer 5

It's hard when people whom you associate with differnent views... I have been in the same situation where peolpe put down other races than their own ( I am not even with someone of another race but I beilve that it is extremmelyy wrong). I have tired to express to them that their views are wrong/ignorant, but it is very hard to change people's views. They are ignorant, litrerally. I would suggest to just say poliety that you don't appreicate their comments, that they make you uncomfortable and upset. Other than that there is really nothing you can do..... Good luck and don't get to stressed about it, its not worth you getting upset over. :) good luck!

Answer 6

I know you guy are cool but I will like you to stop the opinion and get on with the job at hand
I married to a white man for 15 years but I had friend that say they will never date one because they believe white men will kill you something stupid like that

Answer 7

1st - you are being harassed by these people. I would begin with that!!
2nd-it's no one's business, unless it's effecting your work. No one has the right to make a remark that is intended to hurt you. You should advise your personnel dept or human resources dept about these remarks. These people are racially motivated and should be punished.

Answer 8

Record all statements. Keep the proof and then sue them for racial discrimination.

Answer 9

Well, you could simply say to them that it's fine if they have those opinions, but ask them not to present them around you. If they don't stop, take it to HR. If they don't stop after that, they will be in trouble.

Answer 10

Get them fired!! Then you can be the supervisor!