How do you know when you cant have kids?

Question

I have a friend who thinks she cant get pregnant. She was pregnant before and had a miscarriage when she was 4 months pregnant. It was really sad, but anyways... Her and her boyfriend have been trying for a while now and nothing...??? She swears that when she had that miscarriage, it screwed her up and now she cant have kids. That must be a scary feeling. What should she do.

Thats the thing. Her last appt at her gyno, everything was normal but she didnt mention the pregnancy hing cause she is too scared to find out.

Answer 1

I tried for about 10 years before I became pregnant naturally! I had been told our only hope was IVF which we couldn't afford to pay for (and the NHS waiting lists in the UK are very long for this treatment).

So I'm 34 and have finally achieved my first pregnancy!!! Against all the odds.

If your friend has been pregnant in the past then she can obviously conceive. But getting pregnant is not as easy as its made out to be to schoolgirls. A normal, healthy couple only has about a 10% chance of conceiving every month - you have to have enough healthy sperm in the right place (in the fallopian tubes) at the right time (ovulation) and even then embryos can simply fail to implant or the egg shells can be too hard for the sperms to breach. Sometimes an egg won't even be released at all.

Being "unable" to have children is actually quite rare and it would take lots of lots of diagnostic tests on both your friend and her boyfriend to ascertain this. Reasons for being subfertile or being unable to conceive (but not "unable to ever have kids" because these problems can be got around) can include conditions in the woman such as Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, Severe Endometriosis, blocked tubes (due to previous surgery or infection) and in the man its usually the result of low sperm count or poor quality sperm. Even these problems can usually be overcome quite successfully through the use of either drugs (to stimulate ovulation), surgery (to remove endometriosis lesions) or procedures such as IVF (when all else fails and you just can't do it the natural way due to low sperm count or just bad luck).

They say that a normal couple under 30 should try for 18 months to have a baby without seeing medical advice. 30-35 year olds should try for 1 year and over 35 try for 6 months. But as I can attest to, it can be possible to try unsuccessfully for many many years and still get pregnant naturally! The only people who "can't" ever have their own kids naturally are people who are born without a womb, who suffer premature menopause, produce no sperm (men) or have violent immo-deficient reactions which result in mutiple miscarraiges. These conditions are fairly rare.

A miscarraige cannot "screw you up" and make you unable to have children. Its impossible.

I recommend your friend gets a copy of "Taking Charge of your Fertility" by Toni Wechsler, which helps you understand your body and start charting your temperatures to see when you ovulate as ovulation is obviously is the best (and only) time to get pregnant. If after that she still hasn't had success after a few months she should go to her doctor (with her boyfriend) and arrange to have some preliminary tests done to see whether there is a problem with either of them which might be making it hard to conceive.

Good luck!

Answer 2

She needs to mention that she trying to get pregnant and tell the gyno her feelings and fears so the appropiate actions can be taken. Tests or whatever. It is a scary feeling. I had a miscarriage on Christmas( I wasn't that far along though-only 1 month) and became preggers again the next month and I was on freakin' pins and needles wondering if I was going to miscarry this one. The fear is not a good thing she needs to find out so she can finally be at rest.

Also, did anything specific cause the first miscarrige? that could be a factor in finding out if she can carry a baby full term.

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear that. Are you actually pondering of youngsters any time in the foreseeable future? You appear lovely young for your avator, so i'm guessing you are simply thinking in phrases of the long run? If you are younger i wouldn't worry too much, many teen relationships expire after a while however so much in love you might be, so that you would want to go that bridge if and whilst you get to it. If you happen to do become staying collectively then there are other choices, you can have synthetic insemination with a sperm donor, so the youngster can be biologically yours but no longer his, nonetheless he would have full authorized rights as a father or mother. Or you might believe about adoption or fostering. If i am unsuitable concerning the avator and you're getting almost the time you'd wish to begin making an attempt, you'll be able to ought to query which is more primary to you, having a youngster who is biologically your partner's, or staying together with your partner and having a youngster an additional approach. Just right good fortune.

Answer 4

I would say she is still recovering from the miscarriage after all 4 months pregnant is a lot to be having a miscarriage, because her body has been pregnant for a while she had already started producing Prolactin, which is the hormone that produces milk and stops ovulation. One thing might be that she already has high amounts of that hormone in her body and that is what might be causing her cycle irregularities so, the best thing to do is what every body else has already told you and tell her to visit her doctor. Tell her that her body needs time to go back to normal after a miscarriage after 4 months of being pregnant, it might be better to wait a while to make sure that her reproductive system has healed from the abortion.

Answer 5

If you have that good of a friendship with this friend then certainly be there for her which I already am sure you are. Regarding your friends problem. Many people find themselves in the same similar situation and the fact is that she may not be able to conceive given the current circumstances. People also, who have been told by a doctor, that they never would conceive have years later given birth to a healthy baby. So what is the answer? The best answer is to just tell her not to be trying, mean tally, so hard. The human mind is a very complicated thing and if she and her husband are so mean tally hyped up about this then it's possible that they are creating the very thing they don't want to do. If possible tell her to find ways to relax and as bad as they want a child try and establish a romantic and relaxing atmosphere when they make love. Don't try so hard to get a child then rush to check with a kit and worry about the results or worry that something is wrong. Worry and stress effects our bodies in many ways and it's possible that them not being able to have a child is a result of that stress and anxiety from worry that something is wrong.

Answer 6

I'm sorry about your friend and her loss. The only way to know for sure if she can't have children is to see a specialist. Have her go to her doctor and discuss her concerns about this and I'm sure the doctor will send her to the right specialist. My sister-in-law had a miscarriage also and some time later got pregnant and had a baby girl (who is now 27 and married), so your friend shouldn't assume she can't conceive since there are many reasons for not getting pregnant. Please urge her to see her doctor

Answer 7

She needs to discuss this with a medical doctor. Miscarriage is very common. Her husband should have a sperm count and motility test. As her friend it's important that you support her in other ways and keep her mind positive. This is a rough time for her emotionally and husbands are often not so sensitive to know what she's going through. It's like a death and she is grieving. It takes time to get over it, lots of hugs and flowers. :>)

Answer 8

She needs to see her doctor and she may need surgery to get rid of the scarring that occurs from a miscarriage, then she will be very fertile right after the procedure. They go in and scrap her uterine walls, from build up of scarred tissue. It is a minimal procedure and will help. Tell her to talk with her doctor about it.

Answer 9

well she need to know about her own body...she need to go to her gyno and get checked and make sure that nothing happened to her uterus after the miscarriage.. but since she got pregnant before she should be able to again just missing ovulation or her boyfriend might have a problem and need to get checked... they can always try IVF or artificial incemination.

Answer 10

I believe that she needs to seek the professional help of a doctor to determine her condition.