Me and my boyfirend have been together 5 years. We have both been at fault a couple of times, but overall we love eachother very much. He asked me to marry him last Feb. and I accepted. He was recently laid off from him job of 5 years as a production supervisor. I asked him to move to North Carolina. He said yes. All of a sudden his family has been bad mouthing me and saying that I am no good for him and that I am just trying to get him away from his family to dog him out. I have family in NC and he doesn't. My closest family is still a hour away though. He has started staying out all night hanging with family memebers and coming home confused about leaving. We got into a BIG arguement last night because I asked him to spend time with me. He said that I was compaining and nagging him too much just because he is trying to spend time with his family. He called last night to say he loves me and that I don't need to worry. Am I overreacting?
2006-07-12 03:19:35 · 12 answers · asked by ebonishia 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's probably just stressed out about the job, the move, and his family. He sounds like a good man if he had that job for 5 years and was laid off, not fired! Right now, he may just need reassurance. Make sure he knows your true feelings and intentions with him. Good Luck
2006-07-12 03:43:22 · answer #1 · answered by MOMof2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your descriptive paragraph seems to say a few important things, but it's difficult to completely understand. There seems to be a good reason for you to move to N. Carolina, but there's no mention whether it's also a good reason for him. In order for your plan to be a 'best' plan, I would expect that you figure there's better employment opportunity for him in N.C. or that your own employment is better there and that's what you intend to do. And his family bad mouths you, and he did also when he complained of nagging. Is there some merit to his and their complaints?
He may have called last night to say not to worry, but I think there's plenty to worry about. He's laid off, being asked to move (away from his family and closer to yours), and criticized for spending too much time with his family. Regardless of who's right and who's wrong (I'm not qualified to say), there mere fact that these significant disagreements exist unresolved before marriage, is a bad omen. You both do not seem to be on the same page about something that is not a passing problem (family) but will continue to be an influence in both of your lives.
2006-07-12 04:35:58 · answer #2 · answered by nothing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a very difficult time for him and all losing his job that alone is so stressful, then family members on his back about leaving his family to live somewhere else. Family members are upset at you for suggesting taking their son/brother/cousin/grandchild away from them - it must be tough for them too - that's probably why the bad mouthing you. His priority is stressed at this time that's why your both at each other. I suggest give him a little time before you make that move with him or without him so that he can come to terms with it all. He does sound like he loves you, but eventually needs to open his eyes and be there for you. Give him a little time - good men are hard to find these days.
2006-07-12 04:23:14 · answer #3 · answered by Leila 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a hard transition for family to let their children and siblings change into a married person, and it's a hard to transition from girlfriend to wife. When you get engaged, you'll suddenly see a lot of things that didn't matter before suddenly do.
When you get married you become a family, just the two of you, and your first loyalty should be to each other. I think you and him need to have a talk to find out if both of you are really willing to be loyal to one another before the families you were born into.
This is very important because it's incredibly damaging to a marriage for husband or wife to run home to Mom and Dad when there's an argument.
I think one of the best things we did, was when we got married we moved over 800 miles away from both our parents. It really forced us to learn to rely on each other and to become that little family of two that we are now.
You're right to be upset, but give him a chance to have that loyalty talk with you, he may still just be thinking in "boyfriend" mode, and just needs to be jilted out of that a bit.
2006-07-12 04:17:50 · answer #4 · answered by daisyk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no.. if his family is against you that is bad. Just let him be right now and lay off talking about moving or spending time together. He is probably going through a hard enough time b/c he just lost his job. Take into consideration what is going on in his mind. Oh, to really mess with his head..... when you are talking with him say.. " you are so great, your mom did an awesome job raising you. or sis or dad or bro. etc. " Compliment his family and play them up. Then he will be totally on your side. Good Luck
2006-07-12 04:11:53 · answer #5 · answered by LJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not overreacting. When family gets involved in a relationship, that means trouble with a capital T. He needs to make his own decision when it comes to his relationship with you and moving to NC. If he can't do that without input from his family then I tell you, I would rethink his proposal and taking him with you to NC. He needs to be able to stand on his own two feet without influence from his family. Sounds like your in for a long haul with them if they bad mouthing you. Good luck.
2006-07-12 05:32:15 · answer #6 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hes torn right now and I hate it when Family steps in like that and trys to make a person chose between a partner and them.It is his life and there is plenty of room for everybody. I would talk to him about this and if possible them too. Let them both know your not going to play the game and make sure you dont say its either them or me, be the bigger person and say theres room for everybody.
2006-07-12 03:27:28 · answer #7 · answered by arreis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's notthing wrong with him spending time with his family now. But his family is wrong for bad mouthing you. They don't know what's going on in your relationship. Since he is leaving he just want so time with his family before he go that's all.
2006-07-12 03:33:41 · answer #8 · answered by mizz_stunt 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Uh no.. you have a right to be upset, maybe he is a little depressed about losing his job.. Maybe tell him a little more why you would like to move out there. Tell him there may be a better job oppurtunity out there for him, he may get excited about it then..
2006-07-12 03:22:32 · answer #9 · answered by 9929 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no u r not overreacting but
i do want odvise u something
maybe u should call off the engagement
until he is sure of what he wants to do
b/c it looks to me like he is unsure
2006-07-12 03:24:33 · answer #10 · answered by JAZY 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋