help i caught my husband masterbating watching porn?

Question

ok hi this morning my husband was supposed to start work at 5am, i normally get up with kids around 7am. but was so hot i decided to get up for a drink... when i walked through to go to the kitchen i saw my husband masterbating to internet porn. i called him all the names under the sun and cudnt even look at him.....the thing is im a size 16 and hate myself due to having c sections after kids....he knows how id love to be smaller and we havnt got a sex life but this isnt me id love to!!!!!!! i just dont know how to handle this at all..... please help me

ok it aint the w***ing that bothers me i have a very high sex drive and love being sexual what i dont appriciate is hes doing it in secret and i try all the time to be sexual but he aint interested........................i love porn myself that doesnt bother me im only 31 for godsake im still young at heart but thankyou every1 for your comments.

Answer 1

He is getting relief because you are not giving it to him.you cant be angry with him.he isnt having an affair which he could have done.you wont have sex with him,yet you are wanting to deny him any sexual pleasure.The thing that would enrage me would be the thought of the kids getting up and walking in the kitchen and see him doing that.That is the only wrong thing he has done.you have to remember,you are the one that has a problem with how you look,he doesnt have a problem with how you look.He will still want and fancy you as much as ever.you need to get your confidence and self esteem back.start making changes to feel good about yourself.you are a size 16,well that means you will have big boobs.your husband will love that.show your cleavage of more,you have got it to flaunt!!! think of yourself as sexy.you have to look in the mirror and see your good points.learn to love yourself for who you are.I have had children,it left me with 2 fried eggs,I had to have implants.If you have put weight on,you could start eating more fresh fruit and veg,fish and chicken.A good diet makes you feel good.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

You had to catch him...Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
1) you need a big Hug.

2) your second comment, tells me your in a bit of denial at the moment - that's okay, it's a normal step in the process.

3) it's hard to separate yourself from this, I know, but it has nothing to do with you, the way you look, or your performance in bed...chances are he got into this long before he even knew you existed. It's so common for women to find ways to blame themselves. This is no way, no how, your fault.

4) Even if your still young, and even if don't see anything inherently wrong with it (is there anything inherently good about it?)- porn and a healthy family life just don't go together. Your kids need a dad that respects and honors women, and respects and honors his wife. And they need the same from their mom too. If you don't think it's a problem, then there's no way your husband is going to think it's a problem, and it will continue, and as much as you try to convince yourself it's not a big deal, it doesn't get any less heartbreaking.

5) Porn and self-stimulation are very addictive; people often say cocaine is easier to quite than this. The human orgasm is one of the strongest emotional and chemical mood alterers. The hormones released in an orgasm have a very powerful bonding effect (that's why sex is good for a marriage). I heard of a guy that had to hold a doorknob to be able to climax with his wife because he had held the door closed so much while masturbating that he became bonded with that door knob.

6) I hope the two of you will seek help. Counseling if you can get it. There are some sex-addicts anonymous groups which offer really good 12 step programs. My husband is currently reading a 12-step book "Clean Hands and Pure Heart" by Phillip A. Harrison. It's been extremely helpful, and pretty amazing to see the changes in him as he's been reading the book, and doing the writing exercises at the end of each chapter. It is religious in nature (as all 12-step programs are) people who don't believe in God just replace that word with "Higher Power" to make it apply to them.

7) As you can see, I'm writing from my own experience, which is still hard for me to do. You're not alone, and you do deserve better than this. HUGS.

Answer 4

first off pray for God to give you a direction. i'm assuming you probably have some issues in marriage since you are larger, and obviously he isn't interested in you sexually anymore.

he has grown cold and has turned his attentions to other things. instead of actually having a relationswhip with a real woman, he has chosen something he feels and has justified as safer.

you have been hurt and are very emotional now because not only do you feel betrayed, but your self image is way down.

take some time today and refresh yourself and pray about God's will in your life.

when your husband comes home, sit down and have a rational talk about this.

are the c-sections your problem? or is there a way to loose some weight. maybe you both could stand some exercise, this is also a good way to feel better.and exercise is also a help in sex.

Answer 5

Don't blame yourself unless you are withholding sex from him because of your own self-image problems. Otherwise, masturbating is so common for married men, it's not worth getting all worked up about. However, porn, on the other hand, is addictive and if he's watching porn and not approaching you for sex, he has a big problem. Unplug the computer, take away the connection so he can't use it. If he has to wack off, tell him to do it in the shower descreetly. You guys need some counseling.

Answer 6

Ok i dont blame u for being upset.. at all.. im sorry my oppinion a married man has zero business looking at porn in the first place unless its something they are doing as a couple and agree upon.. , The fact that he's masterbating isnt her issue as much as 1. he masterbating looking at other women, which makes her feel like less of a woman because he needs to look at other women which is diverting his attention from her and making her feel like she is less than adequate..
2. She said that he isnt making love to her .. so he's neglecting her needs and using other women other then his wife to give himself sexual pleasure.. it would be one thing if he was doing this and making love to his wife, but he's not he's using it as a substitute for his wife and THATS where its very wrong.. when that gets old whats next ? Physically cheating?..

You have every right to be upset.. your husband needs to be a man and realize that he's destroying his marriage by doing things that hurt you, and neglecting your husband/wife relationship..

Answer 7

You are so upset because of your feelings about yourself. You might not have gotten so upset if you were happy with your own body. You need to love yourself no matter what you look like. You've given life to others (your children). You love and devote yourself to your husband. You are a loving and wonderous person. Love her. Love yourself. Its okay to be heavier than before. Your body has changed with becoming a woman. Don't get so upset with him. Its not because your heavy that he is looking and masterbating its because he is a man and that is what they do. Don't make him feel like a pervert for doing something natural. Yes, I know it is a little creepy but guys are so visual and he is not getting totally satisfied by you so.... Just love yourself and things will work out. Try harder to feel good about your body and your love life will improve. Good luck honey.

Answer 8

I feel for you but Men have been jerking off to porn since it was invented. On a better note at least you didn't catch him masterbating to a live person on a web cam.

Answer 9

Sweetie its natural for men to masterbate, and if ur too big to have a good sexual life maybe try getting in to it with him, But dont bug out on him be happy that hes home masterbating instead of out in the street sleeping with someone else... Try it u might like it...lol

Answer 10

Why in the world would you get so upset about something like that? Has someone planted in your mind that it is a terrible thing to masturbate? Get over this-it is not the end of the world. Quit making your husband feel like he's done something horrible. If you want sex, initiate it. It doesn't matter what size you are, it's how you approach things.