Im 22 and this is my first relationship. I love this guy to death but there are problems. Hes very condescending and gets a kick out of being an *ss in a passive aggressive manner. Ive brought it up before and of course he explained everything away and acted like I just have stupid ideas in my head. The problems stopped for a while but little things have been coming back and it seems to be getting worse again. Im going to bring it up again tomorrow, but hes just going to try to convince me that im scizophrenic or picky. I know people fight but I find what he does very disrespectful. It doesnt happen every day that Im with him, but he wont hesitate to ruin a fun and happy day with some rude comment. The fact that the problem has been solved for a small amount of time proves that he knows what he is doing wrong. I have different theorys of why he acts like this. Maybe it makes him feel powerful and in control. Also his father acts the same way towards him.
2006-07-12 00:03:51 · 30 answers · asked by stevepuff19 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I do love him and could see a future together if he ever changes his ways. At the same time Im at the perfect age to be out experiencing the single gay life.
2006-07-12 00:04:38 · update #1
Well i would talk to him and if he doesn't stop tell him you can't live that way. If he doesn't change that bit for you I don't think he's worth you time even if you love him. The person you love shouldn't make you feel that way.
2006-07-12 00:06:01 · answer #1 · answered by Obilee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have taken the first steps. Realizing you must talk to him abotu this once again. To be honest you may have to talk to him several times before you have him trained.
I use the word trained, because it sounds like he was trained by his father and you must re-train him. This is going to take time and patientence on your part. One thing you shouldn't do is turn the tables and use it on him. This type of behavior will only make him angry. So, keep talking to him. Gentle reminders will help to. Encourage his good behavior and hopefully you'll see a change.
Now for the relationship. One you are doing great. You are talking to him, and trying to work things out. A relationship is work. The same problems may even arise more than once, btu don't give up hope. Keep working on it. Do your best. It doesn't sound like it is time to give up on this one just yet.
Now for your last comment. Yeah you are 22 and can easily go out and date, and have casual sex. However, you are at a good age to establish a good long lasting relationship. One which you will have for many years. I can assure you the relationship is far better than dating or casual sex. Those are will leave you empty, shallow and alone. I bet you can remember your life before your BF. Sleeping alone, no one to care or hold you. No one to share your dreams and desires. Saty with this guy, work it out. and best of luck to you
2006-07-12 10:18:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People generally don't change, especially habits they've had a long time. It is also troublesome that he tries to redirect the issue back to problems with your perception. In that case, you will always be on the other side wondering if you are overreacting or misreading a situation. Who wants to go through life questioning their own thoughts because of other people's mind games? Maybe it is time to take a break from each other so you have time to reevaluate the relationship and if there is enough there to sustain it in spite of the problems. Good luck to you.
2006-07-12 07:08:31 · answer #3 · answered by jd 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, hon. Men, nobody, ever changes. It seems nice that he was trying for a while but every time it gets better, it will get worse each time. I have been there. He might start thinking that you are trying to change him and that will get him even more frustrated, which will not make your life any better. Just letting you look at other possibilities. I know you love him, but love in a relationship like that is harder than love in a relationship that is more loving and peaceful. Take care of yourself. Blessed Be.
2006-07-12 07:15:40 · answer #4 · answered by singitoutloudandclear 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest that you would FIND YOURSELF again!
You need to be more of an individual with your own personal joys and choices. Go out and do something good for yourself and enjoy improvements along the way. If your condescending partner finally wakes up from his rude attitude, then you can have him meet you where YOU are, (and not you where HE is.)
If he doesn't come around, then HE is the one with issues. (By this time, you will be happier and further improved, and a better person overall.)
2006-07-12 07:10:42 · answer #5 · answered by dustytymes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have to come here to ask the question, I think you already know the answer.
You're not going to change him, no matter what you try. People are who they are. Like em or leave em. This one, I would say leave em. Don't let yourself stay tied up in an unhealthy relationship, when you could go find someone so much better who will truly make you happy.
2006-07-12 07:07:02 · answer #6 · answered by rocknrobin21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd suggest trying to get him into joint therapy which would allow you both to work through and with a neutral party. That part of him will most likely always remain (perhaps to a lesser-degree) but if there's a way to have open discussions about the behavior and both of your feelings it could be a good start. He may not fully understand why he does it and it's most likely not your fault.
If he's willing to try therapy, I say "go for it" but if he dismissing you, I think it's time for you to dismiss him.
2006-07-12 07:10:30 · answer #7 · answered by Guyute411 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've spoken already and got no lasting satisfaction; if you try again and still get no lasting satisfaction & if you don't love him enough to work at it and put up with him and his ways, then why be unfair on yourself?
You'll only end up resenting him (and you'll show it) - souring the relationship more than it already has been; per your understanding of his behaviour towards you.
You're only 22 - plenty of more amenable fish in the sea.
2006-07-12 09:11:01 · answer #8 · answered by unclefrunk 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I'm reading in your question is that you want to leave him, but you want some affirmation that you were justified in doing so. I think if you've talked about this problem, and he knows how it bothers you, and it comes back again and again from time to time, it is just a matter of time until you leave him.
Tell him you love him but you just can't live with him, so you're setting him free. It sounds nice.
2006-07-12 08:19:53 · answer #9 · answered by michael941260 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your boyfriend has no intentions of chaging his ways people who are passive aggressive have a form of personality disorder but will go into denial over needing help for it everyone else around them has a problem but themselves. and the fact he does these things to you is a form a mental abuse to you he was taught such by his own dad if he truely loved you he wouldn't be doing i t period to you if i were you i would find someone who won't treat you this way you deserve better than your getting
2006-07-12 07:11:00 · answer #10 · answered by precious52801 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋