I am 27 years old man. I never dating with any woman as I was very shy & nice. About 2 years ago, I was took psychotherapy from a lady psychotherapist to be free from social anxiety. Now I am much free from social anxiety. I see & knew that women do not like shy, unconfident guys. They prefer bad boys.This hurt me very much. I have another problem that, I am thinking and fantasiging about the psychotherapist very much. I understood that I was fallen love with her. She is married & I know that it is unethical to do any relationship outside treatmen with her. I do not contact with her any more. But I can not forget her. Everyday every night I think about her. I also feel depresses thinking my unsucseesfullness with women as I am nice. I have much more sexual desire but I get nothing from women.These hurt me . I waste a lot of time thinking these which harm my everyday life , study etc. I want to stop that thinking & concentrate at my study. But I fail. How can I do this ? pls help me.
2006-07-11 23:28:51 · 13 answers · asked by Bluelover 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First of all, I am a woman, I would like to know what do you mean like bad guy? Who smoke or drink? Or a bad persons?
Look maybe some woman like bad guy, like some guys like bad woman, but that doesn't mean that all of are the same. You need to go out, get involve in some kind of groups, it can be social, environmental, meet people, plenty of them! A hobby, a sport? Walking, hiking, biking? Forget about dating forget about woman, enjoy yourself!
When you are ready, woman will come to you!
I think that maybe you are a little confused, you have a relationship with this psychotherapy, she was some sort of confident and maybe was the first woman apart form Friends or family you have a kind of relationship ( Doctor-patient). This might make you think you love her, but is because you haven't had any other relationship!
You are so young!, Go out!!!
Do you go to a church? Get involved in their activities, or in your work.
And meet people.
And remember that the worst thing that might happen is that someone say NO, and what about it, keep on going till someone say YES!!!
Have a nice day, enjoy please
Life is beautiful and short, and dont think about girl! There are plenty of girl in the world who would like to go out with you!
2006-07-11 23:54:52 · answer #1 · answered by ogloriad 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
'Ignore' the the 'unwanted thoughts' is the best solution. Anything which you feels to be ignored,should be ignored. If you are ignoring a friend who is regular visitor in your home and spending hours, what he will do ? he will sit for some time and go back. if you are doing it again on the next day ,what will happen? he will spend a less time than first. Again If you are ignoring, he ll just smile at you and go. And won't come again. Means, how much close you are treating the things that much it will come close to you. Why you are not thinking of rotten eggs or decayed meats & vegetables when you are infront of your food?Here, You are ignoring the unwanted things which you feels not good for your health. So do the same, ignore the unwanted thoughts which you feels unhealthy for your mind and life.Think positively and be creative...always.Keep personal and social morality in thoughts and start to make your visions in action.
2006-07-12 07:10:03 · answer #2 · answered by Nachikethas 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, I was in a similar state about 2 yrs ago. Lemme tell u that all you need is confidence, and to gain it, keep yourself occupied. Join a gym, indulge in physical activity, improve your wardrobe, If you have a YMCA sports club in your city, take up a sport. Sure it does take time for you to become a zero to hero but trust me, maintaining yourself itself ensures that you're acknowledged by people around you. Secondly, live by your age. You may have been drawn to that therapist you mentioned because maybe she'd been the only woman you've spoken to freely in a long time. If you keep meeting ppl around you, you needn't initially keep the thought of establishing a relationship with them, proceed slow and steady. Dont presume any woman you meet to be interested in you. People are different. You just be true to yourself, live in the real world, achieve your immediate and long term goals, and good things in life will follow. All the best!
2006-07-12 06:45:08 · answer #3 · answered by K-Paxian 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Advise: get shy and nice again. Not every woman wants a bad guy.
This lady psychotherapist obviously didn't know what she was doing.
And quit trying to always get rid of anxieties, thoughts and behaviour.
Your are who you are. And you will find a nice girl who loves you just as you are. If she doesn't: forget about her.
Until then I guess your hands and thoughts must be sufficient to satisfy your desires.
Try to think of something else!
2006-07-12 06:35:04 · answer #4 · answered by Melanie W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get laid. And not by married women, women you work with, underage girls, or anyone you hire for any reason. First you need to learn how to talk to women. This requires practice. You may have to service yourself to get some relief so you can think while you practice talking to them. If you are practicing right, you should get shot down, laughed at, have drinks spilled on you, and get slapped a time or two. This is normal and sometimes fun. Once you master talking to women then you move on to romancing women. The process is exactly the same, shot, laugh, splash, slap. Eventually success. It's a process all men go through, enjoy the ride.
2006-07-12 06:43:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
To manifest love through creative visualization, you first need to learn how to suspend or hold an image of the desired outcome in your mind in as much detail as possible.
For instance, let's say that you need to resolve an argument with a dear friend.
The first thing you need to do is empty your head as much as possible of all thoughts so that your mind seems like a blank slate.
It is also essential that you get as still and as quiet as possible to encourage a meditative state.
Some find playing a favorite piece of music encourages one's imaging faculties.
Just focus on something, time heal's...good luck in your finding's to get you through.
2006-07-12 07:08:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just , do ,lots of meditation in the morning ( at least for 90 minutes) and in the evening , same amount of time . Meditation means dhyana . sit in a lonely room , put one small black point in the center of the wall and start staring and start concentrating on your breath , coming out and going in , do not bother if you sleep / dream / again start , spend 90 minutes like this , atleast for 9 days and see the result yourself .
2006-07-12 06:54:14 · answer #7 · answered by your noon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all no panic, what I think could be a lot help for your obssession, is to confess to your therapist by telling her that you feel attracted to her which happens in most cases and that you really want to get over it.. She's the only one who could help you with that! It's not love it's attachement!!! When we feel week, we're easily attracted to the stronger mind. Good luck!!
2006-07-12 06:48:08 · answer #8 · answered by Juice 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best way to be free of obsession from these , is to have an overdoes of thse. within one year you will not have the ccourage to even think about it!
2006-07-12 06:32:37 · answer #9 · answered by SUNIL Raj 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cut pornography use out of your life and you should see a huge shift in sexual obsession frequency.
2006-07-12 06:31:44 · answer #10 · answered by The Oregon Kid 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋