I am 27 years old man. I never dating with any woman as I am very shy. But I have very much sexual desire. So I was thinking about sex most of the time. Now I am heared that women do not like shy , unconfident guys. They prefer bad boys . This hurt me very much. I pass my most of the time about thinking about it . About 2 years ago , I was took psychotherapy from a lady psychotherapist to free from social anxiety. Now I am much free from social anxiety . But another problem ariases . I am thinking and fantasiging about the psychotherapist. I understood that I was fallen with her love. She is married & I know that it is unethical to do any relationship outside treatmen with her. I do not contact with her any more. But I can not forget her. Everyday every night I think about her. I also feel depresses thinking about the unsucseesfull of mine about women. These hurt me . I waste a lot of time thinking these which harm my everyday life , study etc. How can I stop this thinking ? help
2006-07-11 22:37:35 · 10 answers · asked by Bluelover 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I I believe the reason you think about your psychotherapist is because she is the one who offered you comfort when no one was there. She was the outlet you need. You think she can help you solve all your problems. You need to break this trend. You need to start undertaking you hobbies seriously. This will give you an activity to occupy you mind, which means you will be too busy to remember her.
Secondly start looking for friends. Visit places you are bound to make friends. Friends are a great comfort and they offer one tips and advice that can help you find that special gal. Remember most of us are shy, but we try to hide the flaw but pretending we are not.
Ihope this helps and incase you are looking for a buddy to talk to, you are welcomed.
2006-07-11 22:46:42 · answer #1 · answered by ngina 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Stop thinking about being unsuccessful. You are only unsuccessful TO NOW. That could change tomorrow. Maybe never, too, but is it more fun to think "never" or to think "maybe tomorrow"? Because 27 is young today, and "never" is probably wrong...maybe not tomorrow but maybe soon, too. Why not stop feeling bad about thinking about her? She is all you have...thinking about her does not HURT her...and if it makes you feel good, doesn't that HELP *you*? Let me explain something...it is VERY hard to stop having these thoughts and feelings...in fact, the only SURE way to stop thoughts and feelings about sex is to have thoughts and feelings about something even stronger than sex, meaning something that scares you to death, or makes you feel holy or immortal. I will also tell you this: your thoughts and feelings about her are not as strong as you think...just as strong as you ever knew. When you DO meet someone you love, those thoughts and feelings will feel HUNDREDS of times stronger and better. So really, compared to what love really feels like, what you feel for her is probably pretty superficial...and NORMAL too...any man who has been in your situation has almost certainly had sexual fantasies about his therapist. She might not like it, but you don't have to tell her...and if she is any good as a therapist at all, she MUST know that any male client like you will have these thoughts and feelings for her. So why not enjoy the little joy you have in your mind? If she cares for your happiness as a professional, then she should not mind. And if you canNOT enjoy it, and MUST stop these thoughts, remember how strong sex is in all men...it will take something very awesome or very dangerous to truly shut out those thoughts and feelings. And never forget...the older the woman, the less she likes the "bad boy"...you will sometimes feel like it will be "never" but "shy, unconfident" does better with women at 40 than at 20. In many men, the shyness helps to protect them too. The wrong woman can break your heart, making you feel TEN times worse than you feel now EVERY MOMENT OF THE DAY...maybe for years! (I have lived through this...being a virgin was bad, having my heart broken made me want to DIE.) Shy can also be careful...careful to only fall in love with someone who can truly love you back. For the sensitive man, shyness is usually a friend to your happiness, even if it can be an enemy to your sex life. It is hard, I know, but try to be as happy as you can without being someone different from who you are, and I think you have a very good chance at being VERY happy for many years with the right person later...just sorry for you that it may be the "right person" you have not even met yet.
2006-07-12 21:32:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is my personal experience and it has relevance with your question. what is defination of thought. Thought means Physcial and visualised recorded and replay of object. when this object becomes subject then it creats problem. It is advised to stop your all thoughts.divert your Mind (thoughts) with some other object but not to save the object otherwise it will become subject. In any lonley place sit with closed eyes and ask who are you forget your body.Let thoughts continue.since the earth is revolving thoughts will also travel every now and then.ask your Mind to stop thinking then,the day will come you will realise. what separates a highly developed man from an animal? His thoughts.
2006-07-12 06:20:29 · answer #3 · answered by GAURANG 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi! I am a 30 years old lady. I can understand about your feeelings about woman. But i have a solution for you. Try to overcome your shyness about females. Make friendship with them and try to know as more as possible about them. And if possible go and search internet, where you will get so many things about females which might help you out to know about them. But do not keep anything wrong in your mind which will harm your everyday life. It's bad for your future as well.
Hope I could help you a little bit. ALL THE BEST.
2006-07-12 05:49:33 · answer #4 · answered by Bulbul 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
dude i feel so sawry 4 u
1st, get laid just for the sake of it
2nd, get laid for the sake of it
and its natural to hav an obsession, kind of
as long as its not for ever and u get over it. i think u should actually go out with a woman, wether or not she's right for u and u should stop listening to u friends, theyr'e liars
not every woman likes a bad boy, i dont if it makes u fell better
2006-07-12 06:34:24 · answer #5 · answered by moment 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your brain is already partially destroyed because of your obsession. Have a normal person try to read the beginning of your question to you: "How do I can free from...."
I hope that there is still time to reversed the damage.
The alternative, of course, is castration because what you're experiencing is LUST, not love.
2006-07-12 05:48:40 · answer #6 · answered by Goethe 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
hey there, i didnt even read your whole story. you need to talk to God the almighty, ask him to free you from your bad habits. firstly i would say that it is normal to fantacise but not obsess.
prayer to the one and only God can help you. Write down your thoughts and pray it to God, this is a life long journey.
Good luck
2006-07-12 05:45:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anne 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think dre is only one way for u
jaz get married
2006-07-12 05:41:21 · answer #8 · answered by alexmr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont think about the past and realize your future. start going out and meeting women who you can date and have sex with. that will cure your thoughts about the past.
2006-07-12 05:41:28 · answer #9 · answered by Mike is me 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Go find a totally slutty woman who can break you in and get it over with...
2006-07-12 05:52:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋